I hate myself right now. I really hate myself right now. I want to take out my frustrations on someone. I have to find someone who I can kick on the head. Someone to pummel my fists into their gut till they spit blood. Someone to suffocate till their eyes are blood clodded and bulging. I need to find someone to sink my teeth into; to feel their flesh part at my mouth. I need to take a knife and slowly, ever so slowly, slit that delicate skin, revealing the jelly layer of muscle and gore underneath. I need someone who I can crush with a hammer; to rip into their skull and pull their brains out and do it again and again and again. I need someone to sit in a chair as I claw my way into their intestines and lungs.
God, I need a way to get out of this confinement of flesh and bones! Life would be so much better to float freely and boundlessly without a care in the world, without a shred of obligation and duty. Once I wish I could feel what that is like. To move with a thought and not feel sour muscles grind with bone and vice versa. To be free from hunger and stomach aches; free from barely contained acid. To be free of this heavy, over burdened heap of excrament. To never feel that salty, sour smell of sweat on myself. To be free...
But I'm stuck down here, in this hell hole of imperfection. I can't pursue the things I want without some idiot trying to shoot me down. I can't let go my friends who are asses, and I can't just relax with all the thigns I "have" to do. I'm tired of parents who conditioned me to always over-achieve everything I do. I'm tired of pressure from peers and family to "pursue a more reasonable lifestyle/career". I can't find a person who'll accept everything about me, the good, the bad, and unusual.
God.... I'm fucking tired of it all!