I've been having this weird reoccuring dream. It's been happening for about three days now, and I was so compelled by it to right it down as a poem. So, making it's international debut is this untitled poem:

Sitting, listening, waithin, watching
On a cool, grass carpet
and the wind glides across
gentle and cool, blowing away the world
Sleepy, gazing at the clouds-- dance!
dance dance dance
a dream topped with melted, dripping butter
Open my eyes again, I see you
My head cushioned in your lap
-- as chocolate wraps 'round scones
I smile and you do too
I laugh and you do too
We laugh, we smile, and embrace so tight
To feel like coffee and cream
-- melting together complete and whole
Your hands move across the plane of my chest
fingers playing, skipping stones
Notes jump up and down in my humming verse
And we talked of lovers and wishes
The spring breeze tumbled and rolled
Capturing iridescent orbs in your whirl
as you will the bubbles to appear
They form, separate, join, disperse
My gaze tunrs backwards, and azure meets mine
You look different now,
lost a bit of nobility, gained charm
forsook a mane of gold with youthful pikes
But I care not. You're the same
Your lips run softly against
the curve of my neck
And now, we meet, face to face,
a kiss.

For those of you who didn't get the imagery, my current crush and I are lying in a green, grassy pasture as he blows bubbles into the breeze. I look at the bubbles, captivate by them, and when I turn back to him he has changed into my friend who recently came out. It's weird because I've never harbored feelings for him. I really don't want myself to sound desperate right now, but that's how this is turning out -_-. But now that I think about it, all my crushes recently all resemble my friend. They all have the same, thin yet seductive build, have an incredible sense of humor, and all are into performing. All these are only fragments, one might look more seductive than the other, and one might enjoy acting more so than the rest. However, all these traits I try to find in a person have now been found in this friend. I don't want to scare him off, for he knows me only slightly. Even then, the majority of that time he's known me I was threatening; before I learned to live with myself. I don't know how to proceed with things. It's eating me out inside, making my stomach churn, but not quite with disgust. This is a completely foreign feeling. Even with my other, first boyfriend I've never felt this longing to be with anyone. Not at this caliber, not at this level of self mutilation. I just don't know what to do. Someone help me.

I feel cold and I don't know why.