The more I read the previous entries to Boy-ashamed, the more I begin to realize the similarities I share with this person. In the entry aforementionally linked, he talks of his dream guy, and how this person would act. All the little qualms and unusual quirks which would enamore him into his heart. A bit sad at times, but mainly of good moments. Yes, I think like that too.

I'm perhaps queer in how I fantasize about others. None of my fantasies are sexual in anyway. When I do day dream as such, I always imagine the boy in question and I in different situations. At night, I'd place him infront of me on the bed, and I would have my hands wrapped around his waist and press my body completely against his back. Then, my voice, ever so softly, would sing him "Yellow" or "Funny Valentine" or someother sappy love song to lull him to sleep. Sometimes, we wouldn't sleep at all. His head would lay and make a pillow of my chest and we would just lie there, watching the stars and the bright full moon as the radio softly played on. And he would feel warm against me.

Sometimes, he's working at his desk. I would sneak up to him, wrap my arms around his shoulders, all the while feeling his body through the fabric of his shirt, and nibble lightly on his ear. He'd sigh, lean backwards against me, and whisper a thank you before returning to his all too important project.

And then, sometimes we would be sitting in a 5 and Diner or some other 50's restaurant and sit across from eachother. My hand would reach for his under the table, and my thumb caressed the top of his hand. Completely lost in eachother, we wouldn't notice the waiter standing, rather uncomfortably, infront of our table and would ask us what we wanted to eat. French fries and a chocolate malt, please. And the same dear petting would continue until our order arrived. We'd sit there for almost an hour, feeding eachother fried potat slivers dipped in chocolate malt... wait, I did do that once.

... I just realized how explicitly I described those weird fantasies of mine. I apologize, but I have no intention of deleting them.

Another thing I've also found in common... we both can fall in love within a second of seeing someone. In a much much earlier post, he talks about seeing this guy in the place where he usually buys his cigs, and regaliates how cute he was and how, in that instant, he became infatuated. Similar situation almost a year ago now, when I was at the mall with my family. I ran into him several times, and talked to him for only a minute or two, but he was beautiful.

The fallen angel, I dubbed him, because he seemed as if he had fallen from above. But, not in the excessively puppy-dog cute sense, or the extremely gay sense. No, this was a subtle, seductive attractiong I felt towards him. I bumped into him early upon entering the mall, and I gasped when I did, for he was beautiful. I apologized, and he said no need. We parted ways. I had to wait for my sis to get back from the restroom, so I sat down on a bench. That same boy walked back and forth from a watch store to a cigar shop. After about 10 repititions, he noticed me sitting there, and game me a nod and quite the adoring smile. Later, I was walking through an art gallery located within the mall, and I stopped infront of a painting that really caught my attention. And, as luck would have it, he walked up behind me, and stood by my side. After a few moments of admiring the canvas infront of me, I noticed he was there, and I got flustered. He asked me what I found so intriguing about that particular piece, and I mumbled something about the use of symbolism... ironic that it was an abstract painting. I must have looked like an idiot. But, he didn't acknowledge my stupidity, and just smiled and nodded. That's when my mom called for me, and with a quiet bye we parted ways again.

... in a way, Boy-Ashamed is lucky. He can see that particular boy again, that is if he's still interested. I, on the other hand....