Okay, the walls of innocence I normally put up have been knocked down by the cannon of reality. There are several issues I seriously need to think about which I have been avoiding in order to lead a nice, happy life. But... even as I try to think of them now, with the computer stereo blaring out "Iris" and the aircon blowing cold wind down my shirt, I'm so confused with those issues that I don't know where to start, where do I start evaluating where I stand on things and how it's best I deal with them. I hate feeling this confused, upset, angry, etc.

Really, why do people revel in depression? Depression isn't something to be rejoiced like a mentally retarded child. Unlike birth disorders, however, depression passes. But why is that emotion so glorified in people's minds? I've tried being the reclusive, dark intellectual who ponders the greater truths of this world, but that led to doors being ripped off their hinges. And I don't want to see what's in them just yet. Then, when I started school at LVA, I started to see the advantages of actually being happy and not lying to myself. But, I've recently realized that LVA is only quasi-reality. There, I'm free to think, act, and be who I am with little discrepency as to what I believe in. However, when I go to a "regular" college, I'll be thrust back into the population's hot pot. I'll have to deal with those I've been avoiding all my life (i.e. athletes, ditzi girls, and general jackasses). Honestly, I don't know what I'll do then. Now that I've had room to stretch my wings a bit, I don't feel like avoiding that particular bunch. But on the other hand, I lack the courage to be out and about about who I am. The whole experience daunts me.

...It's too damn cold in this house...