4.5.2001
 
The roses have started to grow in my garden again! After the bout they had with this weird fungus/disease, they stopped blooming for well over two months. I was about to replace them with some new roots when I spotted several buds early this week. Now, several days later and some time spent caring for it, they've come to full bloom. I picked some for my grandma to take to the hospital with her when she visits my great aunt. You gotta love the scent of freshly sprung roses.

It seems that, as the climate has gotten colder here in Vegas, my depression has lifted. Sure, there's still the weird situation with Eric, which creeps me out the way he looks at me when I get even close. And then the other rather masochisitically painful phone conversation with he-who-shall-not-be-named... don't feel like getting into too much info about that one. But for the most part, life is looking up for me more now. I got 100% on both biology and geometry tests today along with another extremely easy japanese class. My painting is finally working with me, and the rather ratty madonna statue is turning out to look real... and that's Mary Madonna, not the singer. -_-

American High is back, playing on wednesday nights on PBS. "The gay one" Brad is quite the interesting character. One the webpage there's a link to a video of him speaking about his views of life as a gay teen. His first line: "This point, in my life, the one thing I wish I had is a boyfriend..." He then goes on to speak about how his search for a significant other is far more challenging than his friends' experiences. I feel more and more lucky with each passing day that I attend the highschool which I am in right now. Not only am I getting one of the best educations in the school district (LVA is second only to ATech), but people are far more open at that school than anywhere else... and because of that, there're guys I can scope out as potential boyfriend material... Still, there's a fair amount of extreme homophobists who just keep their mouths shut for fear of ridicule. Reminds me of one of the many harsh conversations my english teacher Ms. Miller brings up now and again. In this particular one, I found out what the literal meaning of fag was... In the Holocaust, a fag was a bundle of sticks which was used to light the wooden pyres where the persecuted were burned to death. And here I thought that "Flamer" was referring to the carnal adventures over at Fire Island... Just one more card of disturbing information to file in the recesses of my mind. The conversation went on about how people who believe themselves to be righteous and good to incorporate hate into their beliefs. Then, conversely, those who were the persecuted who hate others just for their beliefs. Those who consider themselves more enlightened without realising that other's beliefs are as little a part of themselves as their sexual orientation and what not. Really, hypocracy is rather annoying at times.

Sexual frustration is earth-bound purgatory. I wish I was able to express all the passion which has been building up in me for forever and a half on one person. Making one person feel like the king of the world. But, I'm restrained to divert my energy into other outlets like art and singing and acting... with the occasionaly dancing. I wonder how, in a few years to the future, I'll look back at what I did today and notive how pathetic I was. But for now...

Two hours after I opened this window, I hit the "post and publish" button.

. . . . . posted:||4:52 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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