Goddamn.

This fucking program hates me. It deleted a rather large post I was about to make, and the foul mood I'm in right now doesn't help that fact.

All I had to say was: fuck the parents, fuck the grades, fuck the noise, and fuck fuck fuck the boys.

I'm sick and tired of this psychological need of mine to always be perfect. I'm frustrated that I can't concentrate in anything that I do. It's like when I fell in love, but I have no idea to fixate on. And so near the end of the school year... so near...

I blame my parents for instilling in me this idea of being the best. With the inherited brainpower of two valedictorians, I'm expected to perform at their calibre. Sure, they don't say it outright, but they want me to be the best at everything I do. It's almost as if I can feel it in these genes of mine, incrypted in adenine, thymine, cytosine, and guanine.

Art is the only true outlet I've been given. And even these days I can't find the inspiration I need, that new idea which will give me a fresh perspective of the world.

Goddamn, I need a way out of this! I hate fucking the inevitable creator's block! Not even music is helping me escape.

I need a fucking adrenaline rush! Even as I feel the caffeine from strong coffee flood my veins and course through my very being, it offers stale comfort. The next day always comes and I can't do anything to stop it. I can't freeze time like I was able to as a child; to differentiate myself from this dimension and live in my llittle corner, if only for a minute.

I can't even stand to look at this fucking night-lite of a screen...