The day after really sucks in the morning.

Call me obsessed. Call me sad. Call me pathetic. But I like him way too much.

Yesterday was by far the most emotionally jarring series of events for me this summer. Matt asks me for advice on how to ask out my friend K which more or less sends a arrow through my heart. I give him some pointers learned from my "girlfriends" which afterwards acknowledged a thank you from him.

In the back gym. I'm trying to corrupt my friend N whose far too innocent by laying my head on her lap while caressing her thighs. Matt comes over and decides to try to corrupt her too, so he snuggles up close to her whispering naughty words in her ear. We must have been a site to see; me dangerously close to her crotch and Matt stroking her arm because trying to reach into her blouse would be too far. But N just laughed the entire time... Corruption failed.

While discussing our movie plans/ band practice schedule tomorrow, Matt and I discussed how to scare Sera's new boyfriend off. Then, just completely out of the blue, Matt's hand finds it's way to the inside of my thigh and he starts whispering in my ear. No, not because he's serious. A demostration of what he'll do to the poor boy tomorrow at the movies. The plan for today's movies: Matt and I'll hit on the boyfriend.

That one moment sent my heart racing, my vision blurred, and I got a bit dizzy. Staggered a bit a while afterwards, I was about to fall of the bleachers when Matt grabbed my shoulders and pushed me back up.

The worst occurance happened on the floor. C brought a rather large pillow so Matt stole it and was lying down on the ground. I gave him some excuse to the point of: "I'm getting a bit dizzy again" so I laid down with him sharing the same pillow. At one point he turns around and again we're only about an inch apart from eachother. We start talking about different stuff; anime, scifi-fantasy movies, views on life, etc. etc. Then I decide to be a bit bold and ask him what he thought of gay people. Never should have. He said that he could tolerate them but felt really uncomfortable around one and probably wouldn't be friends with them. I didn't know if I should've laughed due to the irony or cried on the inside. Then he said something that really confused me :"You know, we're exactly alike. Well, except for the fact that your tanned and I'm 'white-boy', but we have more or less the same personality; we don't give a shit what others feel." Soon after he curled up into a ball again and fell asleep. I wanted to cuddle up closer too him, but dared not.

Oh if that were more true.

Later, during the afternoon session of summerschool (were I'm taking driver's ed) Matt and C find us during our nutrition break and we start talking about miscllaneous things. Kristin was there so I told her about my infatuation with Matt... she sort of approves, but she says that she still didn't know him that well.

God, it's not helping that Get Real is playing right now.