Stress is killing me. Not so much stress from my driver's ed class (I have to memorize 50+ road signs by tomorrow) but from extreme emotional turmoil.

I take infatuations like a drug. If at any moment I feel down, I think of an object for/of obsession to help me feel better. But, once I stop thinking about him or stop thinking because I realize how futile it is... suffer from withdrawl.

Right now I've again overloaded my circuits. Yesterday during our break for driver's ed. (saw Christin there) we saw several cute guys, and I vented on her how I felt so restrained at the school where I take P.E. During dinner that night at Macaroni Grill, dad had one glass of chianti and was already acting completely erradict. Annoying to no extent.

After finishing off our dishes (fettucine alfredo) we went to Barnes and Noble... and that's where I saw him. No, not Matt. Fallen Angel. Only for a few seconds before he was out the door... but for that slight moment I felt completely happy... then sunk to a lower low. This whole day I've been agonizing over whether to tell Christy or not about myself. She deserves to know; we're in a band together afterall. But, sister gave me her "then everyone asks me" speech (mentally and through looks when I asked her if I should) so I got once again discouraged.

Band practice on saturday. Our first. I need to finish a song by then, but I doubt I will thanks to my night-time class. Now feeling extreme doubt as to whether I should continue with our band. I have no talent for guitar playing. Songwriting I have very little. Singing I do but there's another lead singer picked. Playing the synth would just be stupid for a punk/emo band. Wouldn't feel so bad if I could ignore all obligations. But I'm not like that.

Concerning my parent's views... they're opposites. Mother scoffs at the idea and challenges my drive to be. Father is enthusiastic and is pushing me rather hard to take up guitar lessons. Both are having a negative effect.

People talking is annoying me to no end. Must listen to foreign/instrumental music.

Yes. Just confirmed something. I only want to go to P.E. to see Matt. But he'll be gone by next saturday. Off to cali and then the caribean. Lucky. No teasing today so I feel starved of affection.