I refuse to write about today's excursions during summer P.E. Part of my 12 Step plan to get out of my Matt Infatuation.

I did, however, came to realize something. A little while back, I wasn't feeling so well and made the mistake of going on AIM. I had a very brief conversation with Leah which ended with her yelling at me about being utterly selfish. (still very sorry about that one)

So, the epiphony: Yes, I am a bit on the selfish side. Why? For all of my early childhood (up till the time when I moved) I lived to make others happy first before putting my own happiness first. Sure, that's a fine ideal... but people who have that are often taken advantage of. Badly. Looking back to my elementary school years (dubbed the 'eye-patch years' because of the method which they tried to cure my stigmatizm) I found myself being an utter loner, completely antisocial, annoying to no extent, and possibly the nerdiest kid in the whole school. Hell, I was president of my 5th grade chess club. Was like that way because I dedicated all my time to studying and pursuit of academia because my mother had instilled the idea of me being a prodigy. I was constantly used by my peers for answers or favors, and in a desperate attempt to make friends, I obliged. God, how wrong I was.

Now, my slight self-ishness is an attempt to take back from that time my lost priorities for self-actualization. A self-actualization which was completely mine and not an urging from parents, teachers, or peers. 'Course, I let it get out of hand sometimes far too often... I'll have to find my "happy medium" of compromise sometime soon.

On a lighter note. Finished my tedious task of scanning 50+ pictures from the three rolls of film I used during summer school. Can't wait to put them up on my photo site... or to get up my photo site in the first place.

Regardless, must leave for driver's ed now. Adieu, self.