Can anyone remember a time when you were young and your parents were infallible?.. okay, so not infallible. But they showed so much strength and resilience?

And then as you grow older the parents start expecting you to understand them better because you're more mature. That's when they start letting go of their facades and start acting like their true selves: worn out and boredom blessed. Along the same context of when you finally move in with someone and you discover all the little things they never told you about...

Watching your parent's manners deteriorate like I have with my mother is completely distressing. I've known for a while that my parent's aren't the perfect mentors they once (briefly) were. Back when I was young mom was more involved with the outside world and dad played golf more. In essence, the typical nuclear family with a house-wife mom, hard working dad, and a brother with sister. Typical except that we were filipino... but back in AZ we were so detached from that whole side that I grew up in this homogenized air of "whiteness" that wasn't really spoken about, but any foreign actions were noted silently.

As I grew older, dad started letting his barriers down and became more open about things. Afterall, now he wasn't too stressed out with work and didn't have to commute for an hour and a half in the morning like he used to do. Mom on the other hand... spends most of the day in her room watching tv. She only goes out on wednesdays or fridays when the dad would take her out for a movie or bowling, and then saturday for the family visit to the altar of god. Blech.

I have a feeling that my mom's in some mode of depression right now. Can't really tell anymore now that the communication lines between me and her have degenerated significally.

Mainly because she was always scolding/yelling at me when I was doing something improperly from washing dishes to dusting, vacuuming the carpet, solving a math homework problem, or tidying my room. I guess that was the way she was raised, but seeing my grandma from her side, you would never guess.

So, I don't really know what to do to make her cheer up. She only seems to do so when she's either with pop or when she doesn't have to bother with actual parent-offspring discussion. Perhaps she needs pop to feel secure that he'll pick up the pieces if she says something wrong.

Well, now I know where my sister's high-dependency runs from.

But, the major factor for the lack of communication is the "elder worship." American's are taught to put their parents on a pedestal where they are high beacons of society. We're never allowed to think of them as passionate, depressed, desperate, frustrated, or sexual in anyway. Once a couple has children old enough to squeal whenever the two are about to kiss is when the honeymoon years are capped off for good.

Yeah, her mannerisms are getting annoying. I'd just go up to my room and try to ignore it all except that my room is small, I spend too much time in it as is, and unlike mommy dearest I don't get cable on the boob tube.

I need music to jumpstart my day or I'll never get to working on that damned painting, let alone anyother school work that needs finishing.