Is it possible to be empathetically borderline? Because I think I have that "slight" problem.

For a majority of the time I'm.. reasonablly understandable. Sure, some of the more "provocative" things I say are rather out there, but that's all to rouse a reaction from the surrounding people.

At sometimes the oddest and most inappropriate moments the level of empathy I have sky rockets then sinks down to pure apathy again.

Case in point: GrandUncle's funeral. At first I was sad and felt like crying every other minute or so (god knows why; barely knew the man) but as soon as the funeral procession and open casket went underway I didn't feel a thing. Hell, when the eulogies started I almost felt like laughing at the words being spoken and the mascara running.

Why mention this? Had another occurance today. Read the dean'sentry about a letter he wrote to a friend followed by one the duck wrote as a reactionary to the post. At the end of which I started bawling.

.... You know what I find disturbing? Whenever I fantasize some romantic scene, it's always concerning music. Never anything to do with painting and/or drawing... or any visual arts for that matter...

And while we're on the subject of random reminiscing, I remember something Sarah said during a church choir practice. We were joking about the guy/gay population at LVA and, the incident of the day, how I was hit on by another guy. After recovering from laughing she said: "But seriously Chuck, don't turn gay. Homosexuality is wrong!" And it was that statement that made me hesitant to tell her. Not the fact that she's a "good lil catholic girl" or the fact that her mom teaches Catechism (religious ed.) at the church. Funny how now she's so supportive... And I thank her for that.

To contradict my views on every teen's search for something that's purely valid (ex. musicians who aren't sellouts), I can't stand hypocrites. C, for example... I think I've gone over this before. How her attitude towards gay people are opposite of what she says they are. She should learn that people are more perceptive than she thinks considering how easily I saw through that facade. Personally, I think her reluctance to admit her views is a way to keep herself in the strict dogma of non-conformist she's established her reputation on... but enough of that.

"Your love is better than chocolate. Better than anything else that I've tried."

Constant dependence of my romantic urges isn't all too healthy, is it?