I'm indescribably happy at the moment. The day was shit until about 8:30pm.

Boring boring mundane school day.

Got home and slept before the concert that night.

Originally the concert had Good Charlotte, Mest, and SugarCult performing but G.C and Mest both cancelled leaving SugarCult headlining with two very mediocre opening acts. No barracades this time, so it was awkward being close enough to literally molest the band. Met and chatted with an extreme SugarCult fan and a quasi-Jack-Mormon. The first band (All New Episode) gave a very disappointing performance, so everyone in my group (me, sis, Christy, Matt) stepped out until SugarCult would perform.

Meanwhile, the Cafe Roma was close by. I had heard so much about it from all of my friends who go there plenty of times that we had to go check it out. From the moment we went in we didn't exactly fit in. The guy at the counter was unconvinced of our "bohemian" status and was rather tart while we tried to order and find a table to sit at. Eventually we sat by a party of three who were busy smoking cigs and comparing russian literature pre- and post-Marxist. Occupying the little circle of sofas was a born-again-gay-christian group. An old man and his companion sang songs while he played his soulful acoustic. On the stage-tables, at least three couples were shamelessly making out. I love boho. ^_^

Afterwards, went back to see SugarCult perform. Christy, who had never heard of them, was completely blown away by their music. Just like I knew she would. However... I happened to stand directly in front of some speakers so right now my right ear can't hear anything but high-pitched humming. Still very enjoyable show though. The crowd wasn't completely energized, but experiencing one of the two opening acts, I would be too.

....

I think that just being around Matt gets me into a generally good mood. The entire sour day was completely forgotten when he met up with us infront of the concert venue. Talking about miscellany at the table while sipping "rock road" (a combination of expresso, mocha, and honey that tasted suspiciously like mead) left me smiling unstoppably. The, during the ride home, we're both in the very back seat of the van and I kind of rested on his shoulder a bit.

The bizarre thing about this whole arrangement? It's pretty effing clear that I have strong feelings for him, yet he's completely accepting of it and even jokes about it sometimes (which, depending on the day I've had, could be a bad thing).

....

Is it normal to know why you turned out the way you did at the age of 15? Well, if you've had a generally easy upbringing than that's not much of a worry... but the things that I've gone through.

I know why I'm so quick to latch onto any possible relationships. First boyfriend, although cute, sweet, and one hell of a lover, was never there for me completely. In one sense I want to recapture what we had with someone else, but I am also searching for a deeper emotional connection. Bitter experiences in middle school helped me temper a sort of defensive side. I could never fully express myself to someone because each time I tried it someone would abuse the information.

But now I'm developing severely deep-rooted friendships; an area I hadn't explored yet. Could friends really replace the need for a single, self-esteem boosting other? Is expecting a lover and potential significant other to be there for your comfort despite their own obligations asking too much? Why must everything turn back to a give-and-take situation?

.....

Going to another concert friday night with same people plus Karen. At that time I plan to talk with Matt about... things. Don't really feel like being the melodramatic queen, but I want to ask him bluntly if he knows... and he can sympathize as well. The boy happens to have a crush on a friend as well. And so does Barto...

Speaking of which, this is the first time someone from LV has spoken to one of my friends in AZ. Weird.