It seems that I don't try hard enough to go out and find good music/musicians. All of the amazing bands I've been getting into (with the exception of Swell 26)(they broke up, btw) have all been discovered via suggestions from other people. There's Save Ferris from Christen, Sam Harris and Holcombe Waller from Paul, Guano Apes from Cathyrn, the introductory samples into the worlds of Jpop and Kpop from Seri-chan, many different emo/punk/semi-neo-punk from Christy, Placebo from Lizzy, and now The Juliana Theory thanks to Matt. I guess word-of-mouth really is a reliable form of spreading the news. Albeit not always accurate.

I need to start listening to slightly more hardcore music. I've been completely unsuccessful in finding the softer genre of music which satisfies my current needs (raw emotion, crescendos and decrescendos, contrasting segments, some melody, tells a story, etc.) so I'm turning to the old loves and classics... but Guano Apes is about as hardcore as I'll go... then again, they're not exactly Jewel...

Which is why I like the entire Broadway genre. Actually, the whole Broadway genre is far too diverse to be grouped into one subject, and no one's bothered to set out clear subgenres at this point. But it's that diversity that gives it life and light. Not to mention the entire range of human emotion usually present.

. . .

And on a side note: I admire Paul. Seriously. He's not only lucky enough to have found a partner, but has achieved a sort of domestic bliss. Not necessarily the usual suburbia 2.5 kids dream, but one which I envy. Also, his abilities to dissect ideas and meanings are superb, along with the articulation he often writes with.

. . .

I guess it's hard to dispell the belief that all gay men can't have long-term relationships. Especially while attending the highschool I'm in (dating periods lasting from a day to a week to, if you're lucky, several months) and all the media telling us that love's fickle and ever-appearing. So, I'm forced to live with the motto: "you have to kiss many frog lips till you find a prince."

. . .

And on yet another side note: I feel like I'm getting ripped off. All the intense conversations I've been having with many... okay, three of my friends... lately is making me feel empty inside. That amount of soul-baring and naked emotion I always imagined would happen when I find the love of my life. Understand that, until recently, I've been trained to keep people always at arm's length 'least they get too close. I can only count... three people besides mi hermana which I've completely opened up to before this year. And one of them (the first one actually) didn't enjoy listening too much.

So, all these late-night conversations are making me rethink some things. Is the person you're suppose to spend the rest of your life/ next couple months with suppose to be your greatest confidant? Can a relationship ever exist with just two people secluded from the outside world, or are other sources of comfort needed? Understand that up till now I've never known a completely "healthy" relationship that's outside of my own family. James was sweet, but looking back I think I was still reeling from "first boyfriend syndrome" so I was blind to all his devices. Nick was fun to talk to, but there was no spark to ignite a possible longing for him, and I couldn't very well have a thing for Bill since (till now) she had been my greatest source of free-therapy and advice.

I guess I'll have to ponder this some more later. Right now I'm far too sleepy.

(The Juliana Theory's "Is Patience Still Waiting?" creeps into his head)