Hello, it's been past a week. And my week's been hell. I'll try not to whine too much, but I've been supressing seven days' worth of transgressions.

The entire week was spent trying to recover from severe entropy to my mental state. Most of it was self-induced, some of it was because Lauren went to Utah for the week so I couldn't rant to her, etc. etc.

Currently in Japanese I have to sing Utada Hikaru's "Automatic" while working on the group skit/video. I wanted to get it done by sunday... and the camera fire wire has yet to touch the computer. Other than that, the class has been the usual mixture of boredom and sleep-drunk.

Now that papers and presentations are over and done with in English, we're reading short stories, lyrics, and poetic analysis. Miller's the same as usual (read: drives us to think while keeping our interest) and today was spent discussing concepts of freedom, control, molding, and teenage rebellion.

Photo has been spent in the computer lab making it look like my group is actually doing something. With Lauren gone for the week, I had next-to-no ties with Mr. Born and the theatre department to start shooting the video. And it's due next week. Mary's been working on other homework inclass (whenever she actually shows) and I've been going over the shooting schedule and descriptions backwards and forwards to see if it would actually work.

World History is the same as usual. Hoffman was discussing the almost threatening call about her "anti-religious teachings" and the fact that everyone at prom (guys and girls) were hitting on her boyfriend. Claire constantly tries to hug me from across the aisle, Joey and Brittany are still constantly asleep, Eric's still a pseudo-Jew, and homework has been progressively easy.

Several recent absences in Mr. Millet's part for Algebra 2. Whenever he is there, I struggle to stay awake because his pace is far too slow to keep my interest. Had I a textbook I would've finished all homework for that night while sitting at my desk. Claire again tries to hug me from across the aisle.

Chemistry is as boring as usual. Taylor still manages to get his feet entangled with mine (often in odd situations) and is constantly looking at my lab book to grasp some sort of understanding for the material we're being "taught." Belin's still the worst teacher I've had for science, and my disinterest in her explanation of things is evident of that. We made ice cream today, and it was good. More like a milk-smoothy with select lumpy bits of ice cream; didn't have enough time to properly make a batch.

Lunches have been uneventful for the most part. DJ and Kasper seem to have joined the table, and on some days I miss the gang that I used to sit with till about 4th quarter. Then I remember that they're out in the sun and heat, and I stay in the cool cafeteria. On even days I get to witness Jyl and Adrienne (now an official couple) go at it on eachother's laps while causing the administration to do double takes on the girl-on-girl action. Mr. Hagen's been harassing Claire (I suspect that half of it is purely jest... but that man is definitely deranged). Kristen, Marcy, and I are often left alone at the lunch table once the two love-bunnies run off. I haven't tried looking for Dolphin/Steven in the past week.

Art has been spent working on watercolors. I've been sitting around Nat with her constant talk of bands and such, Jenna with her biting sarcasm and PMS-induced state, and Desi with her talk about lezzy-sex and her vagina. Yes, they've been annoying me. Liz joined in today and, due to illness, was in a heightened state of paranoia and delirium. She cowered in fear for a good ten minutes when she thought that Treat was pointing at her. For the exercise we've been doing, I have to paint an ugly star-nosed mole and the watercolors aren't to my liking. Or at least I don't have the patience at the end of the day to work with paints. It's almost finished at the moment, I just need to apply some inking techniques to it once it dries.

In general I've been quiet for the past week. After the frevor of Rainbow Week last week, I more or less restricted myself to black and other neutral colors. During moments where I am severely annoyed I completely shut up and tend to look at my hands or my shoes. Procrastination reigns supreme in my work ethic. I have absolutely no sex drive. The past week marks a growing fascination and need for power and control and discipline... of sometimes perverse extremes. All signs of stage 3 depression. Factor in the momentary happiness of 4th period and lunches, and you have the typical manic-depressant.

The wind at the moment is horrendously loud. The blank pages of my journals have been filling with my most intimate thoughts.

I've been avoiding a certain someone again. It used to be because I was severely upset after a certain concert, but now it's more so about control. Since I'm exercising control by not having any contact with him, my control over other things has significantly decreased. I should call him sometime, but I don't want our conversations to turn into shouting matches or ackward silences again. Like they have been for the past week.

Lauren: "He's been pissing you off so much; why don't you two just get married already?"

Ever since I told him. I wish I hadn't.

Lauren: "He's overreacting. I say don't discuss it with him anymore."

But I have to keep from thinking about things too much...

Marcy: "Yes I'm jealous! Ever since those two got together, the trio is now a duo and uno."

Otherwise I might not be able to control myself much longer.

Jyl: "Melissa got RPC'd!" (does a dance)

Funny, I'm suppose to be a disillusioned hopeless romantic.

Claire: "I wouldn't mind worshiping you on the dollar bill!"

If I don't believe in romantic love...

Taylor: "I love her! She's so smart and funny and sexy and she just completely turns me on!... So, how's you're lovelife, Chuck?"

What sort of nomenclature does this deserve?

Will: "You know I'm joking right? You're not going to eat my first born again, are you?"

And that is the three hour's traffic of our time. Hopefully this week will be much better.