7.16.2002
 
Just finished a wonderful movie on HBO. Yeah, I know it's a tad bit on the late side. But hey, it's worth it to see Dani and Nico again. I should've recorded it, but I tuned in a few minutes into it. Oh well, that's what DVD's are for.

"What was going on here last night? An orgy?"
"No, macaroni."

This one's definitely going on the higher portion of my favorite movies list. 'Twas definitely a coming-of-age movie that I can relate to. Specifically to Dani. Alright, so I'm not fluent at Espanol nor am I of Spanish/Scottish decent, but emotions remain more or less the same. Most of the actions that Dani took I myself would've taken, and I completely sympathized with him about his... erm, problems. If I had half the valour that he had.

Can't get too specific here about it, so if you're curious watch the movie sometime. Or read the synopsis.

And I feel sorry for Nico. Throughout the entire movie he was more or less used for sex by two people. The difference? One had genuine affection for him while the other was just using him until her boyfriend got back from the military. Then in the end it's the affectionate one that Nico can never be completely with.

. . .

Reminds me of something that had been looming over my head for almost a year now. About half a year backwards I thought about it everyday, but now it only comes to me on rare occasions. And now I feel like mentioning a bit of it. Specifics are still a no, however.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had said yes to that one question. It surely would have changed everything. Back then, I still wore bright colors before resorting to my now basic blacks and other muted tones. Back before my dad considered giving me some Paxil or other anti-depressant pills.

Maybe I would be happy now if I had just said yes. My sketchbook might not be filled with repeating images of naked and/or gorged flesh then. Or better yet, my sketchbooks might be filled.

Or maybe I might not even be breathing at this moment. Surge of emotion, fit of jealousy, or some other form of quarrel. Oh the many changes that might have happened if I had the gusto to go ahead with it.

Afterall, back then he was still innocent. More or less. Not anymore. I was always far from chaste. I might have been more proud of it, but I said no instead.

Well, back then I didn't know any better. Not about him, anyways. And I would always hate it if I was ever blocked from his buddylist (actually, that's kinda happening right now... except instead we're both reluctant to call the other).

He's probably forgotten about the entire incident already. I almost had until I saw that movie tonight. And, I guess, time has proven my choices correct. But I still can't help asking "what if?"

Funny how stories are the perfect things to jog one's memory.


. . . . . posted:||2:13 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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