Been looking around at some Asian-American Artists groups since I'm just waiting for the oil paint to set a bit more.

I'm a bit envious of people with Chinese descent. Filipinos don't have as much of an impact on American culture as the Chinese-Americans are. Hell, only recently LA officially named a portion of the city Filipinotown.

A majority of Filipinos that I know are apathetic towards their own cultural and personal identities. It disturbs me how easily we strive to assimilate the prevailing culture. Take, for instance, all the pinoy who listen to rap music and reflect that culture and that particular value system.

Sister and I were raised in nice, white-suburban Arizona (where the only families of color, oddly enough, lived on the same street in my old neighborhood) so we've developed into a bourgeosie(?) mindset. Hell, I didn't even realize that I was different from the other little kiddies till I came to Vegas and realized that not everyone acted "white."

But as I was saying, Chinese Americans are the most well-established of the (rather largely categorized) Asian-American minorities. Their daughters and sons lead the pluralistic movements which strive to give all Asians a voice in public opinion. They have a culture steeped in tradition and heritage. Ancestry to be traced into the past two millenia.

My family? We can only remember the death to the end of the 19th century. One of the advantages of being an "uncivilized" culture.

What upsets me the most, however, is that I cannot think of anything that I am truly proud of with Filipino culture in general. I grew up in it, and acceptance of the different types of foods and celebrations almost comes as an obligation. But there was no understanding as to "why" I accepted these set of values. I can identify with other Filipinos (go ethnic jokes!) but I don't FEEL filipino.

And looking at current pop-culture in that country, I don't see anything that I would like to claim as my own. From what I can gather, it's all about singing ballads, ripping-off American chart-toppers, outrageous use of eye candy (::coughG-Girlscough::) to maintain viewer interest, and many attempts to be more American.

It's fine for the individual to wish to be more like something else, but it becomes a farce when an entire population strives to be something that they're not. Take for instance, the popularity of Castelian in Spain when that family took the throne. Or wide-spread use of shoulderpads during the 80's.

Although... technically I can claim my Manchurian heritage. Great grandmothers on both paternal and maternal sides were full-blood chinese, so I'm not as Filipino as I was led to believe.

It's just a gigantic mess.

Psychology reasons that the persona, or personality, is the composite of all the identities one must play: the brother, the artist, the son, the student, etc. If that's the case, I need to reconcile this arena of my life before being able to fully live my potential.

Brain. Is. Dead.

G'night.