Okay, one more post of startling revalations (stop snickering!) before I go off to bed.

First off, in the newest issue of Filipinas, there are two rather interesting articles I found. First, there was one about how use filipinos are everywhere (a major understatement). The editorial describes an instance in the author's travels in Mersailles(sp) where she met a filipino who has been the nanny of a french family for five years. Later, she goes on to say that, no matter where the filipinos go, they never lose their "pinoy-ness." And as evidence, she points out that on every filipino's table is a bottle of patis (salty fish sauce), and a bottle of soy sauce... scary thing is, damn she's right! @_@ So, after reading that slightly disturbing thing, I rummaged through my old emails and found the one my cousin sent me way back when; a list of "You know you're pinoy if...". My personal favorite is "You know you're pinoy if Goldilocks is more than just a fairytale." LOL! That was hilarious! For those who don't know, Goldilocks is a rather large bakery company in the Philippines... and they make one hell of a pandesal, that's all I gotta say. ^_^ Another anecdote I discovered was a series of FOB pronounciation jokes. For instance, filipinos tend to pronouce the "f" sound like a "p" and squeeze "ish" into "is". Ergo, the line "Finish your homework" turns into "Penis your homework." LOL! I had the whole family cracking up at the dinner table when I told that one!

The other article I read was one of one of the major contributors who helped make the magazine possible; a gay pinoy and his hubby of 25 years! He was dead right that the fact that they've been together for that long was more unusual than them being gay. I hope that someday I'll be able to love that strongly and have my feelings reciprocated from my partner. It really must be hard staying together for that long.

I absolutely love Color's outfits in the "One and Only" video! And the lead singer has a very unique voice that I find really... erm, unique. Bottom line, they're good!

Yeesh! All I need now is to say something about art and I'll have everything in this one post. o.0 Adieu!

Okay, so ever since midterms week I've been lacking in energy. Well, today made that fact ever apparent. I'm sitting here, infront of my compie Danny, and I'm just trying to calm myself down and try not to fall asleep which is a battle that is very uphill and the incline is rising...ugh!

I wish I could take one of those power/energy protein bars so I'll be able to last till the end of religious ed class today ( I so do not wanna go) but those things never did give me enough energy. In fact, they taste like strips of leather one gets from a fairly used car seat. x.x I swear, not even the ample amount of sleep is helping me get the energy, and the more or less balanced meals I've been having haven't either. Maybe my body set itself on standby till... who knows when? I've just been really tired.

At least I had the energy to lug myself up several flights of stairs to where Eric's locker is and slip the note into it. My school seriously needs elevators/escalators so us people with heavy backpacks can get around and manage to not break out backs.

Interesting thing I learned today. While taking some photos for my "manchine" project, I had an interesting conversation with my buddy Liz. Apparently, the fact that I like Eric, Mike, and Kevin has put me in the same situation as Joey... well, almost. Joey is a freshman dance major and is really cool to hang around with. A bunch of people give him shit about being openly gay though, and I wish I had the stamina and strength to be able to live like him... but I digress. Apparently, he likes those same three boys like I do, with a slight preferance to Mike... Weird, huh?

Later, in Biology, my teacher gave us time to finish up our homework for the night and such, and during that time I had a small conversation with Mike. He was telling me about an incident when this girl asked if he was bi. I then had to point out how he nearly fit the "queer" stereo-type; short of dragqueen, but with a high voice and slight lisp. As much as I'd like him to be, he's completely straight.:( Can't help but pity him though, being mistook for something he's not just because he matched the image.

Hm, people are upset that the carousel at the local mall is being taken away. It's amazing how people who normally sneer at the old thing have taken up petitions to save that piece of nostalgia. I must admit, compared to the mini-choochoo train located elsewhere at the mall, the carousel is far more appealling and so much more classy. I've never ridden it, but I sympathize with those who do. I'd go into the story of "Humpy" but, as I stated at the beginning, no energy. -_-

I finally was able to watch the entire theatrical trailer for the up and coming final fantasy movie. The computer graphics are absolutely stunning, however I wonder how the American audience will take it's japanese director's approach to cinematography... Not to mention that the voice acting is a bit on the weak side. If I'm gonna watch this movie, it'll probably be for the graphics; much like my initial reasons for viewing The Matrix...

I practically got lynched for saying that I didn't enjoy the new season of Survivor in my house. I'm the only one who isn't hooked on that evil, evil show...

I'd sleep but then my hair will be wrecked. Eh, not if I lie on my stomach... Adieu.

unravel.alltheseyears.net has a brand new, flash/java infused, Amano saturated, layout ^_^ I'm soo lovin' it! Amano is one of my favorite modern Japanese artists... in fact, he's my only favorite modern Japanese artist ^_^;;. I don't really like any others save that guy who did the 27 Views of Fuji-sama. Sad that he's my other favorite abd I don't even know his name :p

I stayed over at school to help out at Art Club and take some photos of the object I'll have to paint. Unfortunetly, this was one of the meetings which we actually had something to do as opposed to the usual stay-there-for-about-half-an-hour-then-do-whatever-till-your-ride-gets-here ones I usually end up going to. Course, there was also another agenda. After finishing my duties at club (mainly stuffing folders and designing a post card invite which I finished before doing this), I planned to head over to the main auditorium and watch the Dance P.E. people practice... and also watching out for Eric, Mike, and Kevy. I saw Mike first, and he was looking good in his form-fitting dance outfit. Sadly, he's straight and the news from him is that more and more guys are hitting on him. Next, I saw Eric onstage. I pitied him, because he had to dance to Creed's "With Arms Wide Open"... the dancing was rather dull and boring, and the only reason why I didn't fall asleep was.. well, him ::blushes:: Then, after Eric left and I missed "accidentally" bumping into him, Kevy went onstage with, I must say, the best number out of the five I saw. 'Course, with all the Dance PE students, he only had about two minutes onstage, but for those two he was radiating. I'm beginning to understand why Eric likes him... but Eric should look in a mirror sometime and see that he's cuter than him ^_^. I ran into a couple of people as well: JenJen my buddy at art, fellow Japanese study Leah, and as I was exiting the building, Desiree. She was surprised that I was there because apparently there were some people who were watching that weren't suppose to and they got busted big time for it. Lucky me, I guess. :)

Speaking of Leah, I've been watching some of my vast collection of jpop musicvideos, and I ne'er noticed how much she looked like Utada Hikaru from a certain angle... scary, huh? o.0

I got to check out my grades in finals for English... and I passed it 100%! It's weird since I barely studied for the test, and the test was awfully hard...hn. Maybe I'm underestimating the power of my brain?

I'm having trouble finding kids who can accurately be Christina Aguilera's and my kids. At least I have the rest of the week to search for em, since that booklet is due friday. Speaking of which, I need to start constructing it sometime...

Okay, just listened to Color's "Why"... I never noticed how much that song applied to my recent obsessions. Speaking of which (when do I never?) I'm resolved to slipping that poem into Eric's locker tomorrow. Wish me luck. ^_^

SERIKA!!!! Damn you, I am so jealous. ;_; Not only does she have the same class as the guy I'm obsessing over (and my other former obsession who's still hot) she gets to see him dance in Dance PE AND she talks to him ;_;.... hmm... maybe she can be a mediary between the two of us? Naw, she'd never do that (too shy). Still... they're having practice for their dance performance tomorrow (which I can't go to thanks to that stupid concert. I suddenly don't wanna go to it anymore...) so I think I'll stick around afterschool to watch em. Tomorrow I have to bring my camera for art anyways so... ^_^

Speaking of my former infatuation, in Biology (the class I have with him) we had to decide where we wanted to sit in order of who got the highest grades. I usually sit behind him, but when we chose seats he decided to sit next to me! *_*... Miku no kakoii!!!.... wait, I'm suppose to be obsessing over that other guy...

Alright, I don't think hiding his name is really necessary now. I mean, he's come out to about half the school already so... My current infatuation/obsession is Eric D. He's so cute I can't stand it!

Okay... enough rambling, more downloading. I just gor Ayumi's "boys and girls" and globe's "sweet heart". Sugoi!

Wah!Sugoi! I absolutely love the new layout. Personally, I hate those DHTML scrollers. With the standard one, you can jump to any part of the page, but with the other fore-mentioned option... you have to do a lot of scrolling.

Question? Who uses those I-Polaroid products. First, there was the sticky film... no one I know uses it. Now, they have a sticky film internet scanner.... although I can see some potential in that thing... you'd have to use sticky film first... Okay, I see how these guys work...

Well, the first day of a new semester... Not too bad actually. In GeometryH, I didn't need to present my group's park model... bad side? We started doing some heavy duty Trigonometry(sp). Stupid Pythagorean Theorem... I had enough of it last year, I don't need to experience that evil thing again >.< Art, Mrs. Treat gave us time to work on thumbnails and such so that we could take pictures tomorrow of our subjects...which means I need to use the remaining 13 shots on my camera if I wanna take those shots. (proceeds to do so) I have two main ideas that I want to go through with:

I want to go with the cloth on the clock, but the other one has writting and I like that... damn tough decisions... In Japanese, we did the same bunch of... nothing. At least I got to practice some of my kanji and katakana... but now that I have my language fair art project done, I'm kinda lost as to what I'm suppose to be doing -_-

In Biology we're studying genetics so I had to use dihybrid Punnett Squares to predict my child's features... one, it's easy but oh so tedious... two, do I look like I want to have kids. But, it's for a grade so I'm forced to do it... at least I know my kid might turn out good if I ever hook up with Christina Aguilera ^_^

Yesterday I downloaded quite a lot of music videos off of animenow!. Totally almost 20mb of space are:
+ Arashi - "Sunrise(commercial" "A-RA-SHI"
+ Bird - "Souls"
+ Color - "Double or Nothing" "One and Only"
+ Da Pump - "We Can't Stop the Music"
+ The Brilliant Green - "Ai no Ai no Hoshi"
+ Utada Hikaru - "First Love"
+ Wyolica - "Red Song" "Saaikou" "Kaze o Atsumete"
It's amazing how many jpop groups name their songs in English. o.o

The superbowl commercials have been interesting. So far, I've seen only 3 good ones; the running of the squirels, the pepsi chess computer, and the disabled artist. Commercials this year have been interesting and different... although I could have done without the "wuz up" aliens. I was expecting the trailer to the Final Fantasy movie, but I guess nothing of the sort will happen.

The day has finally come, and I've been dreading it for quite some time... I have to shave >.<

Crying like a Church on Monday is one hell of a good slash fic. The fact that there's no smut in this is refreshing (as opposed to a bunch of other stories I've read. Not that I'm complaining, but this one is actually safe to read in front of the parental units).

I've recently discovered this weird thing on RealPlayer that takes away the border when your mouse isn't ontop of it. Now I'm playing soulDecision's "Faded" and it looks like the PIP on my tv. Oh, the lil trinkets we use.

The SuperBowl's on right now, and I'm surprised that I'm actually watching it... okay, so I am only watching for Ricky Martin. I've never been really interested in football, and if I had to take a test on it's rules, I'd score well under a C (as I did back in 6th grade). You can't really appreciate the athletes either, unless you catch the rare shot of them with their helmets off on the sidelines. Also, muchlike hocky stars, there aren't many I find appealing.

Speaking of being horny, I blame Seri for my recent, boyband-esque amount of fandom for A-RA-Shi. But I can't help it, they're hot! ;_;... okay, so only two of them, but they can breakdance and that is a major plus. I need to get more videos of em!

Just got another Shimano Momoe video, "Next Lounge". I absolutely love it! Although it doesn't have the sensual imagery that the other video had, it still has all that underlying seductivness that accompanies all of her music. Maybe that's why I love jazz, blues, and r&b so much; there's so much personality, sensuality, and emotion in the music.

My dad is buying my sis and I a new PC with cable modem for our bdays. I wanted to go on an anime shopping spree, but I guess a new computer is called for... maybe :| But it's my duty to find out as much info as I can about cable modems and what requirements are needed for it. I've been online for almost... 3 hours and I haven't found the information I've been looking for. For that matter, a computer worthy of my purchase. Maybe I can be a discount or reference from Christy's dad (he's a computer engineer).

These superbowl commercials are surving their purpose; making me laugh. I just viewed the "running of the squirrels". I miss all these funny 30sec bits ever since I've stopped watching it (or rather, my dad gave up forcing me to watch).

Currently, in art, we're working on a rather large project. "Man and the Machine"... or the manchine project as I call it. We've had to choose a body part, emotion, and machine randomly and compose a painting to convey the emotion. I got a face with hands covering the eyes, rebellious, and an old, 60-ish stereo system with control panel. I've already made 16 different thumbnails on what I want to do, and all I have to do is finish the last 4. But as of now, my creativity is sapped dry.

I pulled an arm muscle practicing with my bokken yesterday, so it kinda hurts to type. But oh well, I enjoy using my hands to the extent of getting arthrytis (which I have a very high chance of getting.) Time to go work on those last four. Later.

Honestly, Seri-san, you can be quite the annoyance. I just gave you some sound advice based on what I've heard of your singing skills... You don't have to go Fiona Apple on my ass just cause I gave you some constructive criticism. Regardless whether or not it's your period, I feel that I shouldn't get the cold shoulder from you just for something as petty as that. Now, I know I must have sounded harsh, but you wanted an honest answer, and I gave you it. You still have a lot of talent, but talent unrefined is like a non-tempered ore; it's lackluster and can only be made so beautiful on it's own without a careful hand. Sigh... now I know how Mia feels.

I just finished watching Queen Margot on Bravo, and I must say that movie is utterly beautiful. I love movies with political intrigue during the medieval/rennaiscance (ACK! bad spelling!). Guess that explains my adoration of Final Fantasy Tactics.

Well, I downloaded Da Pump's "if..." live version. I must say, that Shinobu guy is one hot... erm, guy. The lil rapping sections sound a bit awkward since it's in english with an extreme japanese accent. But who cares?! The guys are hot enough for me. Choreography needs work, though, but this is Japan so you should expect very... um.... unusual dance steps. The Utena Takaruna (sp) is a pretty good example of this.

Ugh, I need to simmer down. Time to pop in a Smashing Pumpkins cd... or maybe PUFFY (the japanese group, not Puff Daddy). Either way, that short conversation's upset me a bit. And the plans have changed, I'm watching The Wedding Planner instead of CTHD so... eh.

Well, I've done some tweaking, and now I believe that this layout is fully functional! Yay!

I'm going out to see Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon again with friends. Promises to be a fun time. ^_^

Okay, I've uploaded all the necessary files, and with this post I christen this new blog layout open! Let's just hope it's opening's better than my last one's.

Okay, several hours later I have simmered down. I've just come home from piano lessons which was cut short since my dad couldn't drop us off at the appropriate time. Currently, it's raining. That's fine and dandy, except what makes it unusual this time is that there is no thunderstorm, wind, or sleet which accompanies the rain. It's just... rain. Doesn't make any sense, I know, but it's weird.

Playing piano, although at times unbearably discordant, actually helps me to straighten out my thinking patterns and organizes my thoughts... with the exception of being frustrated o'er a piece I'm suppose to perform for a recital/guild/xmas party/whatever.

My grandma has this weird tendency of slipping into Ilocano while she's talking. For all you who don't know what I'm talking about, in the Philippines everyone has a large amount of nationalism for their provinces; the ilocano region is the largest group next to the tagalogs. In fact, it's pretty unusual that I'm half ilocano and tagalog (mom's side and dad's side respectively). But I digress... So she's telling me how it's too cold to go out and do anything and when she starts listing why (cold, raining, late but not really) she says saresare(sp) which my dad later told me was etc. in ilocano. How FOBish was that? o.o And shut up, Seri! I know how to use the FOB term! :p

Now onto the news I wanted to post before my parents wrecked my mood. Today was the last day that the english club was selling valentine grams and I managed to write a poem I was gonna put on it and send it to that one guy I like. And yes, I assure you, it's only one guy. However, when I went into the cafeteria where they were suppose to be selling them.... there was no one. So, I asked a nearby teacher and she told me to go check out the english club's teacher/leader's room. So, I head over to Frasier hall where she's located, and I find out that they sold out all their valentine-grams the week before! ;_; That means that I'll have to write him my own valentine but my handwriting's atrocious. Well... not my cursive, but then I have to be extra careful about it. At least my sis is understanding enough to lend me some of her stationary paper. All I have to do is write it, spray some perfume, and drop it off at his locker come monday morning. Hm, love letters... Isn't that big over in Japan if someone likes someone else? I dunno, it's been a long while since I've seen any new (and good) recent anime.

I've been searching this database for some good local bands and I've come up with a REALLY good one: Inside Scarlet. Their music is absolutely beautiful, sounding almost like A Perfect Circle except with more acoustic guitars and a touch of pop. I like! And they're good too, since on their webpage they're playing at the Sundance film festival today. Too bad I can't go, I wanted to see them so bad! ;_; With all the recent rock concerts I've been going to, I need a change of pace. I wanna get tickets to the Sarah Brightman concert, but no one else I know is very enthusiatic about it. Punk and ska concerts are just as boring as rock concerts, and after you've seen almost every forum for these bands it gets very boring. I had a chance to go check out this cool british techno artist BT, but my dad talked me out of it... damn him! Cibo Matto didn't come this year, and I wanna hear em play live just once cause damn they're cool! XD No other good concerts are coming up from now tilll March. And that sucks.

There's this art contest being held for all the highschools in the town, and I'm considering the possibility of me entering. Of course, I know I won't get very far since there're MANY more talented artists at my school, but I'd kick myself if I didn't even try. What media should I submit, though. I've had several ideas for paintings, so I'm thinking of doing some acrylic on canvas, but I really want to do something with ceramics. Only problem is, Mr. Anderson (yes, THAT ceramics teach) never fires our work in time. During one of the gallery shows of self portraits, Mr. Anderson had his students work on sculpting busts of themselves. Of course, no one knew of the up and coming gallery in time, so no one finished in time. Come opening night, Mr. A just took some of the better looking heads and placed it on the table, even though they were still grey and obviously no where near drying. If only I had my own kiln, I'd be able to do a lot of stuff! But, kilns need energy and in order to produce that much energy, that costs a lot of green. Factor in the recent power problems in cali and... you get the picture.

The new layout is almost ready and by the time I post again it will be up. yes!

Alright, now that I've calmed down, get ready for the all new layout!

.... Another note to why having the only decent computer in my parent's room sucks. Right now, pop's making all these sounds and telling my mom "We can't do that! Our son is in the room!" Another incident to add to my already growing list of annoyances...

But who cares?! Midterms and long gone! Hasta la vista! Sayounara (sp)! Mabuhay!.... okay, so only tourists use that word to say goodbye/hello. Still, it's the afternoon after midterms are over and I am in a self-induced high right now!

... Scratch that. I've just recieved some rather disturbing news. First, pop asked me about my date for Sadies. I told him that I probably won't go, cause I think that Lailany wasn't serious when she asked me. Second, my mom confuses herself and switches the dates for Sadies with the concert I'll be going to. Then, she tells me that I have to go to SEAS sunday; a triple threat because 1)that's 5+ hours at church 2)we have to listen to some really boring speakers and do the stupidest "activities" and 3) I have to bring the old lady/grandma. Usually, when forced to go to these events, I don't have to bring her and I can just goof around and draw instead of paying attention. However, with her present, she'll nag me to listen to the speaker, and will complain about how "cool" she feels (as testimony to her limited vocabulary since it's better to say that she's cold). I swear, my elders are complete shit-heads. And so damn FOBish too! I can't fucking stand it!

ugh....I was gonna make this post a nice, happy, and lighthearted one, but you can thank "them" for getting me in this mood.

Still have to attend piano practice. Life sucks... It's just my luck that, on the day I come home psyched and energetic, that they shoot me down without even noticing it. Next time I'll just stick a button on me tha says "In a happy mood. DON'T F*CK WITH ME!!!"

Yes, it's me. I have yet to fall off the face of the earth and as you can see I have escaped my exams relatively harmless... save this stiff neck I got from cleaning up gunk in the ceramics room >.< First, the geometry test was easy beyond belief. For our tests, my math teacher Mr. Jackson let us write down info on a 3"x5" card. When he told us to take out our cards, I just looked around at the people who did. I swear that test was so damn easy I didn't even need the half year to learn it. Thus I quickly finish my exam, hand it to the teach, and sit comfy in my desk listening to some Cibo Matto. Next day, I have Ceramics. Now, I thought that for this exam, we would have none since my teacher never went over the review with us. But, lo and behold, I walk into the room that morning and see a list of things we need to study for. As soon as class starts, Mr. Anderson gives us only 15 minutes to study our notes and vocab. Okay, I'm pissed for two reasons. One, I wasn't given ample time to study for the test (even though I practically aced it) and two, I had to clean the room ;_; It was 10% of the test; we were assigned a chore to do and depending on how well we did it, we recieved that many points for that segment. I was sent to clean of the layer of clay covering the clay bins where everyone got their clay from. At first I was thinking "okay, easy task. Just wipe and dry, right?" Wrong. Dead wrong. First off, all the big sponges were taken so I had to use the small, palm-sized sponge to clean the large-sized trashcans. Then, people kept hounding me to open the bins so they can get out a lump of clay. Lastly, after finally cleaning the bins (and needing a late pass for next period for it) Mr. Anderson tells me that people only took about 10 minutes on the bins... AND I SPENT ALMOST AN HOUR ON IT!!!! .... sigh.

DAMN! I was this close to missing Buffy! How could I forget (sorry Paul)? At least "Glory's" finally making her move... and The Watchers have come to visit Giles. Doesn't his Magik shoppe look like the one from Friday the 13th, the Series? And the vocal track is off with the image. Sloppy editing, gentlemen!.. scratch that, it's just the channel in general. I'm talking to Seri-chan right now and she's... well... she's on a porno binge ^_^;;. I offered to let her watch Miyuki-chan in Wonderland (basically lesbian anime softporn) she said that she's already seen it @_@. She's giving me advice on my webpage right now. I can tell you that the new layout will be far different from this one's. At least it's functional.

I'm thinking of sending my crush/obsession a poem in a valentine. Should I?

Oh! Happy B-Day if I don't see ya, Nick!

OMG! Seri-chan's b-day party was such a blast! We had so much fun wasting cash on arcade games, practically killing people when we sent the air-hockey puck flying into the people by us, and blinding eachother with the flashes of our cameras. Later, we sat down to eat our pizza and hot buffalo wings as we made complete asses of ourselves; telling dirty jokes, slamming eachother with disses, getting harassed by Seri's lil stuffed neko Mitzi. Then, after the cake was cut and served, and we all had our fill of the chocolate-flavored icing, we returned to the arcade games, took some rather funny pictures (I have several of unsuspecting people ^_^) and spent the remainder of our tokens playing shooting games and jet-skiing. Afterwards, we returned to the tables and played several rounds of... well, different card games. By the time my dad came to pick me and my sis up, we had consumed enough sugar to produce a high that made us act like we were drunk... And through out this whole fiasco, sexual innuendo persisted. I'm far too tired to study tonight, except that I have my math exam and park presentation tomorrow. Maybe it's good that I sleep early today. Who knows?

... I think I've finally started getting over my recent obsession. That and the cappacino shake I just consumed, I'm ready to either go out on the town or crash in my bed. Yawn.... nighty night then, everyone. See you if... I... survive... midter.....Zzzzzzzz

Happy B-Day Seri-chan! It sucks that you can only have your party at Peter Piper Pizzas... but at least you're having one on your 16th (unlike mi hermana). Be sure to enjoy the card I gaev you (heheheh...)

Major studying to do, midterms round the corner. It's no time to get distracted.. but I am. If you've been reading my blog for any amount of time, you should be quick to catch that I've been obsessing over this boy. You're probably sick and tired of hearing me ramble along about him, but I'm seriously addicted to this guy! Nick says I should just ask him out, but I'm still scared that I might scare him off... that and I'm too chicken-shit to do it. What do I do? o.o

And in other news, Nick told me what a twinkie was, and believe you me I know a WHOLE lot of them. But, that's just the charm of us filipinos to blend into any ethnic crowd. Take me, for example. Except for some close-minded goths in my school (although the majority of them at LVA are really cool to hang out with) I can be friends with anyone... well, not including the ever rare cheerleader crowd.

I best get back to studying for midterms... either that or return to reading Anne Rice's Violin. I never noticed how this book's imagery is similar to some of my dreams. o.o go fig. According to this one interview, her book Servant of Bones dealt with the homsexual psyche... maybe I should read it?

I'm a complete sucker for anything (and everything) cute. So is half the world, I know, but I have an annoying habit about it. Whenever I see something so cute... and cuddly... and.... KAWAIII!!!!!!.... ahem. Anyways, I slip into my baby voice and start squealing and jumping up and down till I crescendo into a screaming... squealing.... knocking-everything-in-my-way-down... mass of hysteria. -_-

Take, for example, while I was playing Final Fantasy 9. The first time I saw one of the moogles I was pointing at the screen and squealing in my high-pitch baby voice. By the time I reached the village of moogles (and Mog.net) I was having seisure-like twitches and jumped around the room.... and kicked over one of the lamps...

Behold the power of sacrine-sweet cuddlies.

Now, James has a good set of guidelines for making webpages. And I completely agree with him... for the most part. Frames, when done right, create magnificent pages... but that's just me ^_^;; Anyways, his guidelines for creating a webpage should be used by a lot of people out there on the net (mainly those who do too much crap that my eyes hurt... or those who make EXTREMELY ugly pages). Since more and more people have been creating webpages with dazzling browser effects and cookie-cutter javascript, no one has been able to focus on content. Having been around the net communities since... 1995, I've seen sites with excellent content sink under those with flashy lights, bells, whistles, all to hide the fact that they have nothing to offer. Take for instance, my page. I could've added drop-down menus, water/wave java effects on my images, have a lil dog named Brownie chase your mouse all around the page... but I won't. Afterall, like many of my art teachers have said in the past "Less Means More." Ergo, keep your layouts simple, yet effective.

Seri's b-day is tomorrow, so everyone be sure to stop by her blog and wish her a good 16th! Midterm/finals start next week and I've only barely studied for... half of em. The other half are so easy I don't need to (in ceramics, we're just working on some current projects).

My songlist for today's too large to post. But, I'm currently listening to Billy Joel's "Piano Man". Although I wasn't around at the time, I wish music would take a few hints from the age of the 70's.... either that, or the charm of Lilith-fair-ians such as Paula Cole, Sarah McLaughlin, Meredith Brookes, Sheryl Crowe, etc. Now that was some good music there!

Aside from hassles of school and controlling certain emotions, life is good..... but damn, I like the boy! ;_;

Fell asleep at the books again today -_-. I dunno, but I think caffeine is starting to make me sleepy instead of keeping me up, energetic, and blood-shot eyed.

Today in English, we were seduced by my friend Liz's sultry voice. She is one of the best writers I know, and the fact that she can read a mean, post-apocalyptic story of industrial strife is almost intimidating. I feel that my own meager attempts are nothing compared to what she writes of, and even her poetry I admire. She has some serious talent, this girl.

I think that, to keep interested in a website, one must update it constantly. So, I'm currently working hard on an new layout for this lil bloggy thingy. I wonder how many people check into this blog? Maybe I should join the boylog ring?

Will&Grace classic to all us filipino fans. Grace comes bursting into Will's apartment (where Jack is currently lodging with his friend Mapanko). After Jack and Will go to check out Grace's place for stalkers. Grace and Mapanko have a conversation that ends like this:
Grace:"So you two are pretty close, huh?"
Mapanko:"As close as men can get in 11 minutes."
ROFLMAO!!!! It's even made funnier cause he has an extreme FOB accent (from the southern provences no less -_-).

This is what I get for taking 3 hours off to have an afternoon nap. I've just recently woken up. I still have that slight surreal feeling after you've awakened from a dream, that you're still in a dream and you haven't really returned to the land of the concious. I had an unusual dream, but I can't remember what of. I know I'm suppose to remember this dream, but it felt like a lifetime that's played out in a second. I'm guessing that it ties into my recent obsession over this cute drama major (but that's all I'm gonna say).

Speaking of which, Chris's thought processes is somewhat similar to mine.. just not as detailed ^_~. When I scan a classroom for a cute guy, I imagine him with me, him with the cute guy from my last class, and him and the swim/soccer/football team.

Recently I've been dancing to the DaveMathew's Band. I completely forgot how dance-able their music is. That's the problem with today's society: all art is fleeting. Only people who take the time to preserve it realize that it is not transient.

I ate tiramisu with a lot of rum in it. Yum! :D

Okay, I've had this weird habit of making playlists for days when something big has happened. Today's list is:
-"Miserable" Lit
-"If You Steal My Sunshine" Len
-"Thank You" Natalie Merchant
-"Disagree" Pushing Daisies
-"I Want You" Savage Garden
-"For You" Utada Hikaru
-"Reach for the Sky" ???
-"Red Song" Wyolica

Weird, neh?

Lol, Paul. I didn't know you were a Buffy/Angel fan. I love both shows, but with the appearance of DarkAngel, I'm forced to tape Angel instead of enjoying it the way it was suppose to . :\ Demon karaoke bar... sounds like the one I live nearest too... except that the demons sound better than everyone o'er there. Midterms are coming up and I REALLY should get to studying right now, but I felt like blogging before I have to hit the books (and probably fall asleep on em).

Now, normally, I don't like to stereotype people into groups, but I'm in a rather irritable mood as of late. So, I shall share with you a certain incident in my Careers class. First, a little background on the class. 8th period Careers is easily the worst-behaved class in the school. Already our teacher has cussed us out several times over, that now it's almost acceptable to use that kind of language in the class. Save 3 people, everyone can't seem to control when they're mouths open and at what decibel their voices are. Now, to the meat of my story. There's this girl (we'll call her "L" for now), dance major (although I know a lot of cool dance majors, half of them are the stereotyped bitches -_-), bleached blonde hair, and not a single part of her body seems to be 100% real. Anyway, when our guest speaker talks about her friend who was decapitated during a car accident, she started laughing really loud, then after being told to shut up she turned to one of her friends and asked "Like, what's decapitation?" Later, when the guest speaker is talking about additional classes one can take during school, "L" asks if they're any lifeguard classes. I couldn't help but stifle a laugh at that point. It occured to me as ironic that she, a bleach-blonde, annoying bimbo who never pays attention, wanted lifeguard lessons. At about that time, I expected David Hasselhoff to come in and continue the lecture...

Okay, enough snapping today. I think I'm beginning to get addicted to this blogging thing (along with a certain someone ^_~).

It gets interesting when the cycle of precipitation happens in a matter of moments infront of your eyes. This morning, I woke up at around 5am and I looked out the window. The sun had only begun to creep from wherever it slept during the night, and everything still had that hazy, blue shade it always does in the morning... except for the stuff falling from the sky. Yes, to my shock, it was snowing... but only very lightly. I rush out of my room, tred down the stairs, and burst out into the backyard. By that time, however, the snow ceased, and the sleet came pouring down. After several well delivered hits (and a semi-big bruise on my thigh) I went back inside disappointed and frozen solid. Half an hour later, the sun is peeking through a small hole in the mass of clouds, and it's raining. Then the rain stops, the sun hides behind another cloud, and in comes the sleet again.

I completely suck at conversations when I'm sick like this (btw, I've had a soar throat these past few days, and it went away last night to be replaced with a fever and one-nostril breathing @.@). I had three of my friends online a few minutes ago. One I was able to have a conversation with (every 5 minutes), another I only got to say hi to before completely claming up, and the other I didn't even IM. I need to start moving around again. Sitting in front of this computer taking these tests is making my joints and muscles ache. I should probably practice my kendo right now, but one I can't find my shinai, and two it's cold and I'm sleepy and I'm damn sick. I've wanted to play tennis or volleyball for a while, but either everyone doesn't feel like playing, or they can, but we can't find an open court nearby. At times like this I wanna know some of the people living in the Summerlin area (an up-scale suburb) who have tennis courts inside their homes... along with indoor swimming pools, bowling alleys, movie theater, rock-wall etc. Heck, one of my friend's friend's dad even considered buying a small island off the coast of Costa Rica 0.0 These people are WAY too rich.

Anyways, now to share the results of those tests I took:

my type: renaissance man/ aquarius

personality: observer/ moderately evil,sexually evil, and passive aggressive/ as blackhearted as they get/ moderately naughty

me:artiste/ subtle flirter/ slight optimist/ nutball/ slightly less than myself/

Everything just about right, I think. Specifially the sexually evil part ^_~.

... I think I'm gonna can soft feathers for the time being. I can't type up the intro page and make it funny at the same time o.0. It's kinda sorta starting to piss me off, so I'll just turn on the backburner on it. There's a semi-marathon on Doris Day on TCM and those movies are fun to watch. Not many recent movies have been able to make a charming story like those in the old days... of course, scifi and action films are so much better now than back then :p. Okay, time to work on my Japanese Project.

      distortedSOCIETY      {[letMeBeYourAngel]} is finally up! Although I have to post still (and so do the other members -_-) the design looks wonderful Seri-chan! Where did you get that pic of Kamui? All the links are in top shape.... Seri! My blog's name is Outlines now!

For the past few minutes, I've been emailing everyone I've linked to, and right now I'm talking to Nick. He wants to see a pic of me, and I look hideous ;_;.

I just recieved an email from the owner of Pylduck, asking me which poets I hold on high esteem. Of course, I have my favorite poets (Marlowe and Murasaki being the top two) but I believe that the true power of poetry, although it may be delicately written with compassione and expression, comes out when the author recites it. For, only the author of a poem can bring out it's true, intended meaning.

At this moment, the blue sky is wide and clear, the sparse clouds are slowly making their path across this valley of ours. The shakuhachi is playing a calming, soothing melody, and I have to remain calm if I want to finish the new intro page to the Soft Feathers Network.

okay, I've modified the settings, so let's cross our fingers and hope that the archive works

okay, I found part of the problem. To take care of this little problem (and to let the Netscape users view the page) I've taken off the archive so that the damn archive won't interfer with this page's functions.

... This page, although it looks awesome, is REALLY getting on my nerves. Some people (mainly AOL users) find that when they click on the links o'er there --> their computers start downloading the pages... I have no idea why that is, and sometimes it comes and goes, so I'll have to inquire more about that. Right now, I'm having a lot of help from Seri, and she's been great. She's answered almost all of my questions, and all her answers have worked thus far. And although the links to pages outside this one aren't working (well, if you're interested, you can still try) my art section and poetry section are still working so feel free to check those out. This page is giving me a headache to no extent.

Neh, doesn't this sound like the first day Disneyland opened and only half the rides worked? o.0

okay, so (from the behest of seri-chan) my main page is now here. Right now, the art section is fully operational. The poems are up too, and Soft Feathers v3 (SFv3) still needs some major updates. But, I'm taking the time during this weekend to finish up the final touches on those pages.

No Doubt is way too cool a group.

Here is where you can see this blog from now on after tonight. My 8;00pm deadline nears, and I'm thinking of giving ya'll 1 more hour to read this and change the addy. Besides, the side bar isn't saving properly and it's starting to tick me off >.<.

Well, I've started the great, mass exodus onto Seri's server. There's just one problem... I don't think it's working very well o.0. My FTP program said that it successfully downloaded onto the server yet when I... well, go here and you'll see the main problem I ran into.

sniff... no fair! Hottie Danny from the Real World New Orleans was here in Vegas for a taping of SayWhat Karaoke and I could have been there! ;_;.... hottiie!!!!

Shimano Momoe. You've just gotta love that girl. Although she does a lot of REALLY good songs, most of her videos suck. She does have one really good one that I absolutely love. Her video for "Jr. Butterfly" contains bowling pins, dripping sweet liquids, and people taking their clothes off. And strangely enough, it's not a booty video like a majority of rap videos lately -_-. It's still very VERY sensual. And seeing how I've been searching for the sensuality in my life, finding this video was like heaven. Then I remembered that 1) sticky sweet substances are impossible to get off of skin and sheets and 2) I have no one to do that with, so I just went back into my sulking mood. Seri-chan wasn't at school today. I'm wondering if she's at the hospital having that mamogram, or something like that. No new dreams (thank god) so I can rest easy tonight.

I just finished watching Anatomy of A Hate Crime: Matthew Shepard. After the movie ended, I was literally soaking my pillow crying. Although I myself haven't experienced ridicule for being gay (seeing how I'm not 100% out of the closet yet) I have felt that same level of hatred from others in talking about the subject. Even in my school LVA, a school where only 25% of the student population is completely straight, there are people so biased, so much of a bigot, that it sickens me. All these events are eating away at the little shell of innocence I have left. I dunno, but I feel that I was born into a family that didn't recognize the prejudice asians had to suffer. I was brought up in a world where everyone liked everyone else and prejudice was only something that happened to black people and even then there was hardly any left in this day and age. But then I grew up, and I began to notice that the world wasn't as kind as I thought it was. I was shocked to find out that asians were subjected to prejudice and hate crimes. Of course, my family was untouched, untainted by this ugly blood stain, right? Wrong again. My grandma, although she can cook... okay and she's great (for a grandma), had many prejudices against... basically anyone who wasn't filipino. I think, that about this time, I broke free from american pop culture and started my odyssey into finding my niche in this world.

Along with that movie, MTV is doing something which takes a lot of guts (and a lot of $$$) to do. They've more or less entered 18hrs of off-air time, reflecting on some of the thousands of people who were affected by hate crimes. Despite the commercial puppeteering and sly way of turning counter-culture and anti-pop into what it's speaking against (ex. Marilyn Manson), you have to respect MTV for doing that.

It's nearing midnight and I'm guessing that my parents will get home soon. Time to sign off for the night. People of the world at large, oyasumi nasai.

p.s. Major props to the actor who portrayed him so well in that movie. Dude, you're hot and one hell of a good actor.

Several things happened today that I fell I should share with the world. I'm not quite sure how this'll end up sounding, but my headache is killing me and I'm itching to get it out of my system.

First off, I forgot to wear the necklace. This necklace has great sentimental value to me; it was hand picked out of many different selections, perfumed and wrapped, and was first put on me by my first boyfriend. I refused to take it off even when I had to take a bath or go swimming. After two years since he gave it to me, I've worn away the silver coating on the inside of the wire string, having rubbed off the rust every week or so. Lately I haven't been wearing it during showers and swims and what not. After stepping out of the shower, I completely neglected it and went about beautifying myself for the masses at school (which didn't turn out too well since I couldn't completely wash out the orange hair color I used the previous day) and forgot to wrap the steel and wire around my neck, snapping the little clasp in the back. Halfway through the day, I noticed that I felt the absence of a familiar weight, and was shocked to feel that I forgot it at home. At first, I panicked. I didn't want to betray the memory of my first boyfriend, and here I broke the promise to always wear it. But then, I realized that the necklace had no significance anymore. As long as I kept that precious summer's memory in my mind, it would be okay. Of course, I'll keep the necklace for, like what Chris has discovered, memories fade. That's why people take pictures and keep memorabilia. So, in the near future, I'll go shop for a new one.

Second, on this note of revelations, I had a pecular dream. It wasn't that reoccuring dream I've been speaking of, but instead it was almost the opposite. I'm standing infront of a great glass pane of a stage mirror. No other cosmetics lay out on the counter except for thousands of lipsticks, half opened and brittle, and a compact of white facial powder. Those large bulbs lining the top of the dresser lit my face in this pale, almost mustard yellow glow. It made my reflection more defined, leaving the background completely black. Standing a few feet away, peering into the same mirror was him, my friend. He wore a red tootoo that flayed out straight at his waist, and a blue sweater two sizes too big for him. We talked, standing in this awkward position. He took the compact and began powdering his face while I stared straight at my reflection; our conversation continued. I ask him what I should do (about what I don't remember) and he tells me to me more true to myself, all the while picking out the only stick of crimson lipstick not yet dried out. He moves the cosmetic slowly across his lower lip, then presses his lips together hard. The color spreads to the rest of his top lip. Now, he looked like one of those beautiful chinese dolls. He kisses the mirror infront of him, leaving an imprint on the glass. I told him that that wouldn't last. He replied "Not if no one comes and wipes it off." Then, the stage lights turn on, and he walks to exit stage right. I watch him go, beautiful and ridiculous in his outfit. Then, when I turn to my reflection again, the kiss is gone from his side, and is on my cheek.

The dream itself is highly unusual, confusing, and almost scary at times. But I think I'm suppose to find it's meaning. Otherwise, why would I have remembered it so clearly? I consulted my many dream dictionaries, but none had an entree in cosmetics, costumes, and such. I want to find the meaning of this dream, and it's making me very uneasy.

Lastly, I'm utterly jealous. Kevin, I've learned, is my friend's current crush. I have him for two of my classes, and I wonder what he sees in him. Sure, he's cute, witty, and a sweety... well, I can't really say anything bad about the boy, but his friendlyness and sincerity somehow doesn't make him seem like boyfriend material. I have yet to hear him be intuitive and "deep" in his thoughts and expressions. Maybe he only shows that side to people he really trusts, maybe not. Regardless, I'm jealous that he likes him and not me. It's the bane of a teenager in a semi-love triangle.

... Why am I so dependent on others? Not in the sense of friendship or family or whatnot... but why do I feel like I must have a boyfriend in order to be happy. I'm guessing that I'm just searching for someone who I can be completely honest with, but I don't know. I can find satisfaction without a significant other, right? After all, how have priests, nuns, and monks survived like that for so long (minus the altar-boy factor, that is).

I need to lose weight but I lack the conviction. I want to be thin instantly and have all the glam and glory of being the beautiful martyr in a gay highschool romance. And I've done it, fallen into the same trap my sister is in and one which I swore I will never be lured by. No one wants to hear the growing up story of a gay, over-weight kid, huh? Even just the mention of a fat person sends chills down the spines of the "normal" crowd. Even those who fancy themselves as above the status quo when it comes to modern thinking search for beautiful partners to match theirs. Use leftovers have to scavage the wasteland left by those people in hopes of finding one glimmer, one hope of something called "physical beauty". Perhaps it's this mindset which I've discovered in my searchings for sensuality that has led me down this path. My quest has led me to meet people beautiful and lean, and surrounding myself with these "adoni" has warped my concept of what I want to find in someone I want to be with. Indeed, a family that eggs you on about how much fat there is in food when all you're trying to do is forget your troubles... the stress is mounting and soon the straw will be layed which will break my back. One day I shall be contented again, but many rough roads I'll have to travel before that can happen.

In art we're painting busts and plaster casts. I plan to sit by the one of Michelangelo's David. Till next time.

I wish all my family members would just leave me alone right now. It's cold, my fingers are about to fall off from being frost bitten, sister's making demand after demand and mom's making requests, and grandma is calling in favors. Being the only guy in the house right now, they expect me to do everything they say. It's a perfect way to mount the frustration that school's already building for me.

Fifth day I've had that same dream. It's starting to scare me how each time the detail gets more and more intricate. I want to move forward with this blog, but Seri-chan hasn't been able to get online and send me the info yet.

I wish I could go to sleep. I seriously don't feel like studying for the up-and-coming midterms, but I guess I should.

My crush from summer school is online. I'm debating whether or not I should start a conversation with him or not.

Why do people have to be so god damn annoying? that's all I'm saying

ne..... Serika! when are you gonna let me upload to yer server. ;_; I'm here and it's almost time for beddy-bye and I'm helping her work on the english homework. It's an unusual situation because right now, the entire family is gathered in my parent's bedroom. The parental units are cuddling in bed, my dad trying to sleep while my mom keeps him awake. My sister is prancing around in her pj's (and she's suppose to be older) talking about miscellany after miscellany. I'm here trying to burn her cd for her and I'm not meaning to inconvenience my parents right now. Strange thing is (like there haven't been any recently) this is the most "family" time we've spent in about a week. The unifying factor here is 1)all of us having a purpose in my parent's room and 2)we're all watching alley mcbeal. Strange occurings happening in this house. I won't even get into the brownie thing that happened today either -_-

either it's sincere, or it's the sugar high, but I feel good!..... dammit, I like him a lot!

I've been having this weird reoccuring dream. It's been happening for about three days now, and I was so compelled by it to right it down as a poem. So, making it's international debut is this untitled poem:

Sitting, listening, waithin, watching
On a cool, grass carpet
and the wind glides across
gentle and cool, blowing away the world
Sleepy, gazing at the clouds-- dance!
dance dance dance
a dream topped with melted, dripping butter
Open my eyes again, I see you
My head cushioned in your lap
-- as chocolate wraps 'round scones
I smile and you do too
I laugh and you do too
We laugh, we smile, and embrace so tight
To feel like coffee and cream
-- melting together complete and whole
Your hands move across the plane of my chest
fingers playing, skipping stones
Notes jump up and down in my humming verse
And we talked of lovers and wishes
The spring breeze tumbled and rolled
Capturing iridescent orbs in your whirl
as you will the bubbles to appear
They form, separate, join, disperse
My gaze tunrs backwards, and azure meets mine
You look different now,
lost a bit of nobility, gained charm
forsook a mane of gold with youthful pikes
But I care not. You're the same
Your lips run softly against
the curve of my neck
And now, we meet, face to face,
a kiss.

For those of you who didn't get the imagery, my current crush and I are lying in a green, grassy pasture as he blows bubbles into the breeze. I look at the bubbles, captivate by them, and when I turn back to him he has changed into my friend who recently came out. It's weird because I've never harbored feelings for him. I really don't want myself to sound desperate right now, but that's how this is turning out -_-. But now that I think about it, all my crushes recently all resemble my friend. They all have the same, thin yet seductive build, have an incredible sense of humor, and all are into performing. All these are only fragments, one might look more seductive than the other, and one might enjoy acting more so than the rest. However, all these traits I try to find in a person have now been found in this friend. I don't want to scare him off, for he knows me only slightly. Even then, the majority of that time he's known me I was threatening; before I learned to live with myself. I don't know how to proceed with things. It's eating me out inside, making my stomach churn, but not quite with disgust. This is a completely foreign feeling. Even with my other, first boyfriend I've never felt this longing to be with anyone. Not at this caliber, not at this level of self mutilation. I just don't know what to do. Someone help me.

I feel cold and I don't know why.

Planet Julie is the personal/mixed site of Julie from the RealWorld:New Orleans. Next to Danny (hottie!) and Melissa (pinoy power!), Julie was my favorite person on that show. I loved seeing how she changed from the stupid and ignorant one to the "horny mormon" as my dad says. Even she herself was surprised how different she was at the beginning of the series.
Now it's my turn. For the past year or so I've been gathering footage for my Urban Experiments docu-indy video. I've only recently begun to load them onto the computer, and I'm still gathering footage for it. I'm not completely sure when I'll stop and actually finish the whole thing, but from the parts I've placed on video already, it promises to be interesting. I need to bring the camera elsewhere, because I've almost taped every inch of this place (yes, even the bathroom >.<). Maybe whenever Seri or any of my other friends let me come over, I can tape at their places. I don't feel comfortable bringing the camera to school though; too many assholes there.
Still having trouble controlling my emotions, but I'll survive.

Ever since he came out, I've been obsessed with gay romance stories. I don't know exactly why. I mean, sure I want a boyfriend and all, but how can one person's comming out trigger this surge of emotion within me. I've been reading a lot of blogs that deal with the gay teen experience and of couples already together.
Perhaps I'm just searching for people I can relate to. Just like how people watch all those reality shows; they're therapy without the intimidating shrink and the over-priced sessions. I'm aching to email Nick and ask him about what his experiences are like or maybe Yun and ask him how he found Seun and what life's like for the both of them. But, that's a line I probably won't cross. Unless I know them from else where (be it IRL or from chatting) I won't email someone out of the blue. It just seems a bit too... rude, you know?
So, I'm stuck with no advice on how to proceed doing things. All these unknown or forgotten emotions are making my head dizzy, bombarding me moment after moment, pulling me this way and that. I've never been this unsure and scared about love since my last boyfriend and I were together. Like my friend Lauren said:"Being single's easy till you've been through a boyfriend."
Well, talking about my problems seem to have helped me. The bossa nova cd is slowly massaging the knots in my mind, and I can think calmy for a change.
The programs are working together smoothly and now I can finally work on my project. For now, it feels good to be alive.

There's something any student, no matter what their age, suffers from during the school year. It's a little thing known as the "3rd quarter slump". It's actually been surveyed that the 2 or 3 months after winterbreak, student performance starts to decline. I my self have noticed this several times over the years. After winter break, I would start slacking off and only do a half-assed job on all my school assignments. Coincidently, this is also the time when the curse on my teachers take effect, but I'll save that for later.
This year, thanks to the great way I celebrated the eve of the 31st, my 3rd quarter slump has started off in a big way. Tuesday through thursday I was doing well, till I started working on this english project. My teacher Ms. Miller is notorious for assigning projects to be due the next time we meet (my school's on a block scheduel). This time, she gave us a weekend to choose a mythological character to base a product/ service on and create visuals, and perform a commercial for the class. I decided to make Bacchus' Specialty Wines, and I decided to film the commercial for it.
And so the headaches begin. First, I couldn't get the drawings to look right (that's when I posted that thing down there) and completely forgot to practice for piano lessons. But, as soon as I got back from a humiliating session at the "Brill Music Academy" my drawings started to work out okay. This morning, I quickly filmed the still shots I was using of them and hooked up the necessary wires to the computer from my DVC. Unfortunately, after repeated attempts to open my video editing, the computer failed to recognize any camera connected to it. -_-
And now you see me here, blogging while working on other things I need to do... oh, and from now on, Rica wants me to called her Seri. Okay, that's it.

I hate myself right now. I really hate myself right now. I want to take out my frustrations on someone. I have to find someone who I can kick on the head. Someone to pummel my fists into their gut till they spit blood. Someone to suffocate till their eyes are blood clodded and bulging. I need to find someone to sink my teeth into; to feel their flesh part at my mouth. I need to take a knife and slowly, ever so slowly, slit that delicate skin, revealing the jelly layer of muscle and gore underneath. I need someone who I can crush with a hammer; to rip into their skull and pull their brains out and do it again and again and again. I need someone to sit in a chair as I claw my way into their intestines and lungs.
God, I need a way to get out of this confinement of flesh and bones! Life would be so much better to float freely and boundlessly without a care in the world, without a shred of obligation and duty. Once I wish I could feel what that is like. To move with a thought and not feel sour muscles grind with bone and vice versa. To be free from hunger and stomach aches; free from barely contained acid. To be free of this heavy, over burdened heap of excrament. To never feel that salty, sour smell of sweat on myself. To be free...
But I'm stuck down here, in this hell hole of imperfection. I can't pursue the things I want without some idiot trying to shoot me down. I can't let go my friends who are asses, and I can't just relax with all the thigns I "have" to do. I'm tired of parents who conditioned me to always over-achieve everything I do. I'm tired of pressure from peers and family to "pursue a more reasonable lifestyle/career". I can't find a person who'll accept everything about me, the good, the bad, and unusual.
God.... I'm fucking tired of it all!

"Dude, I'm gay."

Now, usually for people like us, when we hear that we're usually the ones saying it. Well, something interesting has happened to me today. My friend "Bob" ( he didn't want his actual name mentioned) who is more of a friend to my sis than me, came out to her and our friend Wendy. Well, needless to say I was shocked when I heard because he always acted so straight and all. I felt like yelling out "Hell, I'm gay too!" but feared scaring the poor boy. I mean, he hasn't been used to being gay yet and he might think that I was trying to hit on him or something like that.
Then again, there were signs that he was. First off, he has this high, feminine voice and acts very effeminite (although that doesn't really count because I have a Geometry teacher who is like that yet is straight as an arrow). He's a great dancer and out dance some of the dance majors in my school. He also seemed to get really shy and quiet whenever the subject came up.
Innitially, I thought he was gay but my sis, being the closer friend that she was, assured me that he was really straight. In the end, she was wrong and now I'm reassured that my gaydar is still fully operational.
But, now I find out that I'm kinda falling for him. Recently, I got over a huge crush when I learned that he was straight (dammit!) so I've been kinda desperate. He's just so cute, and he's fun to be around with. Sadly, he's already fixated with someone else. Just my luck, neh? -_-;;

... god, that background does NOT want to go white -_-. But, regardless, the first few days back to school have been relatively good. All my friends were glad to see me again, and I started several projects which promises to be fun (specifically the park design project for geometry). Also, FIDM College of Graphics, Design, and Fashion is coming to vegas for this weekend workshop thingy for people interested in joining the class. I'm thinking of going since I've already had two classes in visual/commercial design. This is weird because I used to be so ubitiquous in choosing a career, now I'm dead set as either a graphics artist, architect, or web designer. Ideally, I'd be a serious painter/sculpter/etc. but I need stability in my income.

... After having read through my old entrees, I've noticed something weird. I sound weird whenever I type stuff up. Seriously, I don't sound like this in real life... hardly made sense, I know, but that just goes to further my point.

Yahoo! Astrology's Palmreading gave me this startlingly accurate reading::

You have a good imagination, and often exhibit sensitivity to others.

At times, you may tend to be overly sensitive to criticism. You can be excessively cautious or narrow in your outlook unless you receive the right kind of encouragement.

You are inclined to change your mind about things fairly often. This can become a problem when you allow yourself to be overly influenced by other people's opinions.

You have so many interests that you may have trouble deciding which ones to pursue.

The general flexibility of your character is a useful attribute. At certain times in your life, you may have romantic conflicts and difficulty maintaining friendships. You will overcome these problems after a little introspection.

You are a warm hearted person, with much love to give. You probably like children, and exhibit many playful characteristics.

There may be times in your life when you give in to feelings of sadness or depression.

You are likely to make decisions based on intuition or feelings rather than intellect.

One possible character flaw is a tendency to be inconsistent or untrustworthy. You may have to work to develop more consideration and cooperation.

At certain times in your life, you may have romantic conflicts and difficulty maintaining friendships. These problems are not likely to last long.

There are inconsistencies in your energy level, possibly triggered by external factors or emotional changes.

You have a basically strong constitution, and should enjoy good health most of the time.

You were probably given a good start in life by your parents. This could be based on your general upbringing, or on physical characteristics you inherited.

No matter what other factors influence your personality, there is an under lying sense of practicality that you can draw on if you wish.

Well, I think I'm getting into this blog:unravel.alltheseyears.net |. After reading this, I got a link to this palm reading site. My results (startlingly accurate) come as follows::

You have a good imagination, and often exhibit sensitivity to others.

At times, you may tend to be overly sensitive to criticism. You can be excessively cautious or narrow in your outlook unless you receive the right kind of encouragement.

You are inclined to change your mind about things fairly often.

You have so many interests that you may have trouble deciding which ones to pursue.

You are a warm hearted person, with much love to give. You probably like children, and exhibit many playful characteristics.

There may be times in your life when you give in to feelings of sadness or depression.

You are likely to make decisions based on intuition or feelings rather than intellect.

One possible character flaw is a tendency to be inconsistent or untrustworthy. You may have to work to develop more consideration and cooperation.

There are inconsistencies in your energy level, possibly triggered by external factors or emotional changes.

You have a basically strong constitution, and should enjoy good health most of the time.

You were probably given a good start in life by your parents. This could be based on your general upbringing, or on physical characteristics you inherited.

No matter what other factors influence your personality, there is an under lying sense of practicality that you can draw on if you wish.

Happy New Year, everyone! Although I came home sore and bruised from the heavy crushing at the concert, I'm still having one heck of a time this new year! School starts tomorrow, but I'm actually looking forward to it. I missed all my friends, since a majority of them were away for vacation (that and with all the partying done this year, god knows where I can find the time). I finished a painting that I was working on all winter break and it turned out pretty good. As soon as the paint dries, I'll go ahead and scan it.

Currently watching Rock'n'Roll gymnastics and damn are the guys hot. Sexy Alexi took his shirt AND his jeans off, leaving nothing but a figure-defining red boxer-shorts (sadly, he wore some underwear under that so no definite shape down there). Paul Hamm just finished his Matrix-themed performance and is completely cute. His voice is a bit unusually high, though, but it's not necessarily a turn off :D. I'm beginning to like the gymnastics competitions better than the figure skating competitions, if only that the guys are far more cuter (eheh, I'm turning out to sound like a complete lech. But what can I say? I'm still going through puberty and we all know how hormones are like ^_~).

AIM isn't working again, and neither is my buddylist so I'm isolated online again (-_-). And I wanted to send Rica the htmls too... oh well. I'll just restart the computer again.