Chord House is really helping me decide which chords to use for the many songs I'm in the middle of writing. Now all I need is a good riff or two.

. . . . . posted:||10:44 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Three recently found poems added to WeakHand for your reading pleasure.

. . . . . posted:||8:06 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
The day after really sucks in the morning.

Call me obsessed. Call me sad. Call me pathetic. But I like him way too much.

Yesterday was by far the most emotionally jarring series of events for me this summer. Matt asks me for advice on how to ask out my friend K which more or less sends a arrow through my heart. I give him some pointers learned from my "girlfriends" which afterwards acknowledged a thank you from him.

In the back gym. I'm trying to corrupt my friend N whose far too innocent by laying my head on her lap while caressing her thighs. Matt comes over and decides to try to corrupt her too, so he snuggles up close to her whispering naughty words in her ear. We must have been a site to see; me dangerously close to her crotch and Matt stroking her arm because trying to reach into her blouse would be too far. But N just laughed the entire time... Corruption failed.

While discussing our movie plans/ band practice schedule tomorrow, Matt and I discussed how to scare Sera's new boyfriend off. Then, just completely out of the blue, Matt's hand finds it's way to the inside of my thigh and he starts whispering in my ear. No, not because he's serious. A demostration of what he'll do to the poor boy tomorrow at the movies. The plan for today's movies: Matt and I'll hit on the boyfriend.

That one moment sent my heart racing, my vision blurred, and I got a bit dizzy. Staggered a bit a while afterwards, I was about to fall of the bleachers when Matt grabbed my shoulders and pushed me back up.

The worst occurance happened on the floor. C brought a rather large pillow so Matt stole it and was lying down on the ground. I gave him some excuse to the point of: "I'm getting a bit dizzy again" so I laid down with him sharing the same pillow. At one point he turns around and again we're only about an inch apart from eachother. We start talking about different stuff; anime, scifi-fantasy movies, views on life, etc. etc. Then I decide to be a bit bold and ask him what he thought of gay people. Never should have. He said that he could tolerate them but felt really uncomfortable around one and probably wouldn't be friends with them. I didn't know if I should've laughed due to the irony or cried on the inside. Then he said something that really confused me :"You know, we're exactly alike. Well, except for the fact that your tanned and I'm 'white-boy', but we have more or less the same personality; we don't give a shit what others feel." Soon after he curled up into a ball again and fell asleep. I wanted to cuddle up closer too him, but dared not.

Oh if that were more true.

Later, during the afternoon session of summerschool (were I'm taking driver's ed) Matt and C find us during our nutrition break and we start talking about miscllaneous things. Kristin was there so I told her about my infatuation with Matt... she sort of approves, but she says that she still didn't know him that well.

God, it's not helping that Get Real is playing right now.

. . . . . posted:||7:19 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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While at Barnes and Noble a day or so back, I saw this book staring straight at me: American Gods. Wanted to buy it, but I only had a twenty on me, and the 20% discount still wouldn't have made it cheap enough.

"To go on with life you have to grow up a bit. And even then you'll never get it right." Gotta love that quote... Okay, didn't know it at the time but it directly relates to Seri's situation. ::online hugs::

No one's online right now. Feeling lonely. And the egg flower soup I made half an hour ago tastes like utter shit so I had to scrap three cups of ingredients. If only something could happen to make me a really good chef; something like Simply Irresistable set to my life.

(btw, Leah if you're reading this, are you still mad 'bout the last time we talked? If you are, I'm completely sorry for acting like an utter bastard. No excuses, I was a complete bastard.)

. . . . . posted:||10:51 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I have a supreme urging for italian food. Or japanese food.

Speaking on that subject... Italian and Japanese blood (both of equal calibre) make for beautiful men. Point in case: Mark M. Techno DJ, complete cutey, likes the types of music I do (everything but country and rap), can dance like no one's business. Only two discrepencies: he's doped up on Ecstacy most of the time and he has no ass. Not that I care; my sights are set elsewhere.

All creative energy is being channeled to song writing right now. Meaning: poetry set to music. Sounding mediocre, but I'm still building up my skills.

. . . . . posted:||10:23 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Stress is killing me. Not so much stress from my driver's ed class (I have to memorize 50+ road signs by tomorrow) but from extreme emotional turmoil.

I take infatuations like a drug. If at any moment I feel down, I think of an object for/of obsession to help me feel better. But, once I stop thinking about him or stop thinking because I realize how futile it is... suffer from withdrawl.

Right now I've again overloaded my circuits. Yesterday during our break for driver's ed. (saw Christin there) we saw several cute guys, and I vented on her how I felt so restrained at the school where I take P.E. During dinner that night at Macaroni Grill, dad had one glass of chianti and was already acting completely erradict. Annoying to no extent.

After finishing off our dishes (fettucine alfredo) we went to Barnes and Noble... and that's where I saw him. No, not Matt. Fallen Angel. Only for a few seconds before he was out the door... but for that slight moment I felt completely happy... then sunk to a lower low. This whole day I've been agonizing over whether to tell Christy or not about myself. She deserves to know; we're in a band together afterall. But, sister gave me her "then everyone asks me" speech (mentally and through looks when I asked her if I should) so I got once again discouraged.

Band practice on saturday. Our first. I need to finish a song by then, but I doubt I will thanks to my night-time class. Now feeling extreme doubt as to whether I should continue with our band. I have no talent for guitar playing. Songwriting I have very little. Singing I do but there's another lead singer picked. Playing the synth would just be stupid for a punk/emo band. Wouldn't feel so bad if I could ignore all obligations. But I'm not like that.

Concerning my parent's views... they're opposites. Mother scoffs at the idea and challenges my drive to be. Father is enthusiastic and is pushing me rather hard to take up guitar lessons. Both are having a negative effect.

People talking is annoying me to no end. Must listen to foreign/instrumental music.

Yes. Just confirmed something. I only want to go to P.E. to see Matt. But he'll be gone by next saturday. Off to cali and then the caribean. Lucky. No teasing today so I feel starved of affection.

. . . . . posted:||12:57 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Well, just gave a friend's "blob" a new make over. Trust me, before it had a really ugly pink leopard print on it. Now it's nice and... boring. Did I mention that the banner on top is but ugly? Oh, I did? Alright then.

. . . . . posted:||3:12 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Today's a day for highs and lows.

First, lows. Tennis game today was off. Yesterday I was popping serve after serve... today I hit it out of/through the fence twice. Later, people were fighting over what song to play on the cd player so I had to put on some Japanese country music (by PUFFY) to shut em up. Later, while inside, everyone was whispering about Matt's "secret." Actually, more of a disappointment. I was expecting him to be bi or something... but no, just that he likes Christy. Damn. People annoyed me while I was drawing Mark (raver/dj Indi-Glow) so I had to yell at them several times.

Now, highs. Played some Cibo Matto while outside. Generally, everyone liked it. Taught Matt how to play speed. Played game after game with him till he finally managed to beat me. Brought a camera (disposable) today so Andy took a picture of the two of us together (and standing rather close too). While inside, I was drawing Mark. This time the picture turned out better than the one I drew of Matt yesterday; brought my necessary drawing tools: charcoal, blender, graphite. Really glad it turned out so well. Best of all, Matt and I were using Sera as a pillow (him at her stomach, me at her thighs). Lying there, we were turned to face eachother and that's when I wrestled the truth about his secret. Later, an actual playful wrestling bout ending with him ontop of me. Smiles.

Another low to add: Matt left an hour early to get his braces taken off.

Yes, I'm sad. I'm an effing hopeless romantic. Always looking for true love than a fun and easy boyfriend. Ugh... stomach ache.

I promised Sera I'd make her blog look better. So, I'm working on that right now. a

. . . . . posted:||12:46 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Rouge Box has a new quiz on it about the movie. If you've seen that wonderful film, take the quiz and see how well you do.

. . . . . posted:||6:21 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Warning: emotional overload

Have I expressed how much I love the movie Simply Irresistable? Yes, this movie is the embodiment of the aspects of love. Nervous tension one moment wanes to calm waters then sweeping passion with a pace so fast, so irrelavant that asking why is already rhetorical. But... I digress.

Matt. Matt. Matt. The name just rolls off the tip of your tongue.

I know, it's stupid. I know it'll never work. I know I shouldn't be obsessing especially after the whole messy Eric situation, but I can't help myself.

Today. Outside. In the middle of a game of King's Corner, he whimpered. The most adorable sound in the world! Coupled with a slight, tender smile... ah. Why whimper? Cristin was teasing him about how well he was playing.

Later. Inside. While listening to Good Charlotte's "Seasons" on repeat. He was asleep. And I drew him. Drawing inspiration from a fanfic I read about Queer As Folk where Justin took pain-staking measures to draw Brian, I drew him. For a complete half hour I put charcoal on paper. And for that half hour I felt content.

Later. Inside. Talking in a group, Matt asked what's the best way to break up with his girlfriend. Elated.

Later. Inside. Listening to Happy Hardcore. Everyone was lying down using eachother as pillows. I was lying next to Matt, sharing Brit's stomach. Could feel his warmth. Could smell his cologne mixed with the scent of ivory soap. Could hear him whimpering again. Slightly.

Mmm... The violin concerto playing right now is very much needed. I need to calm down. Someone just threw away several pages of loose, perfumed parchment which contained twenty poems. Twenty poems, all recently discovered during my last room cleaning. Twenty poems never again to see the light of day.

... I don't feel like talking much right now. Except maybe to Matt.

Yes, Matt.

. . . . . posted:||2:13 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Been cleaning up my room a bit. I found several loose pages and forgotten booklets with plenty of my writings on them. Here's one I found interesting (and strangely enough, pre-blog era):

"I don't understand why I'm writing, I just am. Maybe it's a desperate search for an answer, maybe I just need to relieve some stress. Either way, here I am. Writing.

I'm just sitting here, in the doctor's lounge at some hospital, watching my sis make rrotbeer float with the innards of an ice cream sandwich. She asked me if I wanted any. And to think that previously she downed a hamburger and hot dog just minutes ago. I guess that's how you get after missing lunch.

Then there's this carton of milk sitting right in front of me. I guess that just about this time I noticed how they always put the "importnat" stuff on the side of the cardboard box where one's suppose to open and drink. It just so happens that the milk carton has Millie the Cow and her puzzle on that side.

II don't know why but I'm contemplating making this into some type of mini comic strip. Go on, be like Neil Gaiman and innovate the mass of the illiterate readers with my H. G. Lovecrast-esque observations... It's amazing what three cups of coffee can do to one's writing mood."

And it's scary when one looks back and sees how they wrote like.

Okay, felt like sharing. I'm cleaning up the kitchen after making some curry chicken (made it a bit too sweet with the coconut) and in the middle of it mom comes down, takes one look around, and starts yelling at me to clean the place up. Not only that, I'm busy cleaning off the stove top and she's yelling at me to dry the dishes in the dish rack; clean across the room. Fuck you mom. Not my fault you have to always have the last word, but never do it again in front of a pensive son. Urgh.

. . . . . posted:||5:11 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Tired. Out in the sun. 10 extra unnecessary minutes. Imagine what it did to my vampiric constitution.

Hm. Andy hasn't said anything yet, so I guess I'll reitterate what happened today in PE.

More or less uneventful till everyone went outside to the tennis courts. Sis and I finally got our hands on racquets first thing so we played for most of the time there... till we accidently knocked the ball over the fence and down the 30ft steep hill into the construction site. Oops.

Mark (aka DJ Indi-Glow) was talking with us about necrophilliacs (only caught half of the conversation while fetching one of many stray balls). Later, when all the tennis players took a break, he was talking about how he had a major sun burn on his ass from suntanning naked in Cali and showed us the industrial-size bottle of Aloe Vera he was using to relieve the pain. Ouch. Nice bubble butt though; pity it got hurt. Hope the sand wasn't as hot though. Later he invited us to this raving happening this weekend on Saturday. Sounds like fun.

Went back inside after our nutrition break (Dr. Pepper and Pop Rocks) and nothing very special happened. Talked, listened to music, (tried to) write lyrics for songs, played Uno, badmitton, little bit of volleyball, and of course tortured Brady again. Today we massaged (read:kicked, stomped, slapped) his ass while I attempted to shove a pen up his ass. Later, Sera called her soon-to-be-boyfriend on the cell phone. Since she got his machine, she started yelling at him to pick up. When that didn't work, she handed the phone to me where I began using my talented acting skills to give that boy the best phone sex he ever had... and then the guy picks up so I hand the phone back to her.

Still trying to not like Matt. Sucks because usually when I have a crush on a guy there's a chance that he's just a little bit bended. This boy, however, brings Maxims to class and everyone reads the raunchy articles out loud for shits and giggles. Dammit!

Downloaded another episode of Queer as Folk. I swear I need Showtime or else buy the season set when it comes out. Oh yeah.

. . . . . posted:||1:26 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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So, several hours later I've finally recovered. Almost; heels are still aching and my legs get wobbly on occasion.

Pride parade in Toronto today. Been watching it on Much Music, and the whole event looks quite fun. They're playing some "appropriate" music videos (ex. "It's Raining Men") and such. Can't wait till I'm old enough to partake of the whole celebration down in 'Frisco.

Hmm. Lot's of retro gaining foothold on everyone again. I must admit that some retro styles (mainly 70's fur jackets) are appealing, but it goes to show that creativity is thining in this day and age. No one is daring enough to design something completely new because people wouldn't want to buy it... Either that or the 70's was really that magical of a time. Regardless, everyone regrets the 80's.

Okay, want to know how much of an art student I am? While searching for Queer as Folk US sights, I came across some screenshots of Justin's sketchbook. It's a good thing that he's going to an arts school; the boy's drawings are far too contoured.

Erm... yeah.

. . . . . posted:||3:04 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Okay. Expection to the rule. Her prints are down-right gorgeous, but completely turned off by the handcrafts. Nice digital work though.

. . . . . posted:||4:19 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I don't care if it's a girl; if she can take exquisite photos, she's effing sexy!

. . . . . posted:||4:11 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Eh. Forget about the altered, easier-to-use version of this layout. It's gone to shite.

(yeah, been watching Trainspotting too often these days)

. . . . . posted:||3:19 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Pay a visit to Boy-ashamed and congratulate him on his doctor boyfriend. Sniff... lucky bastard.

On a side note, 12 hours of standing, moshing, crowd surfing, and general concert revellry have yet to take it's effect on my hair. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my hair looks exactly like it did when I walked out the door to go to the stadium. Bed Head products come highly recommended.

Currently reworking the layout so it's easier to navigate. Dreamweaver was suppose to be this dynamic webpage making-machine. Well, it's not. Composer's much less complicated and a little bit of fiddling with the raw html and you can do so much more. Erm, yeah.

. . . . . posted:||2:49 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Wah! Duck duck, thanks for posting the link to Independent! The article
"After AIDS" concerning artists who've suffered from the virus. The information on this page has been quite informative and will prove useful during next year's AIDS project in art.

. . . . . posted:||2:35 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
American High is currently playing (the series finale) before they replay the whole series again next week.

And I just got back from the most grueling, brutal, and entertaining concert of my life thus far.

First, preparations. Several outfit changes, applying a handful of BedHead gel (equivalent of half a bottle of drugstore gel), used the rest of my color-spray to do my red stripe, creating and later decimating a pair of duct-tape cuffs, and taping two cameras to my crotch so they can't find it (which was stupid because they allowed disposable cameras anyways).

Arrived at the venue at 12:00 with 2 hours to spare till the gates opened to the show (even though when we got there the gates didn't exist yet so we ventured into the place rather easily). And no one knew where the line for the show began. Regardless, my friends and I ended up being the first ones in line for the show.

And what a show it was! At first, I thought it was completely outdoors, but the stages with the bands I really wanted to see were inside the stadium. So, friends and I entered the completely empty floor room, and set camp dead center infront of the stage were Good Charlotte was playing.

First band of the event was an Australian one.... can't remember their name, but they were pretty damn good. Next to performances (rapping trio and a goth-punk one) sucked royalty. Can't completly remember the order after that.

The Vandals and 'Me First and the Gimme Gimmes' were very very funny and entertaining onstage. Rhythm guitar for the Vandals acted completely crazy (including white-boy-booy dancing onstage). Me First and the Gimme Gimmes were more or less a cover band, but they played a mean "Over the Rainbow" (in celebration of Stonewall no less).

Didn't expect the Ataris or New Found Glory to be so hard. Judging by their music, one would think that all their fans were as nice and happy. As soon as the first chord was strum, though, people were pushing hard! I was pinned to the barracade the whole performance; if I wanted to rest my legs, I just let myself fall back and I was still standing up against the railing.

Good Charlotte was effing amazing! Lead singer Joel was often right up in the crowd, and I found myself staring directly up at that gorgeous hunk of XY chromosomes. First time seeing GC play live, been a fan for about half a year, and now am more of a fan than ever! Benji wore this sock-cap the whole performance except for half a minute where he took it off an showed his signature quarter of pink hair. Some people need to learn not to sing off-key though. -_-;;

Now points of interest:

- One guy (maybe about 12/13 yrs old) crowd surfed at least 8 times over my head throughout the whole concert. During Good Charlotte, he was crowd surfing, security pulled him down and sent him on his way, but a minute later there he was above my head with the same guy pulling him down.

- So many hot men in that place! A gathering of half-naked, sweating, hip-girating guys the likes of which would've been at home in the Village. Course, they're all straight (damn!) and they have dates (double damn!).

- People need to be more courteous during these things! In the middle of one band's set (another goth-punk group) this chick reaches over, grabs my water bottle, and downs all the half-bottle of water left! During Good Charlotte, this one chick fights her way to the front leaving me with only a hand on the railing. Then, she proceeds to pluck finger by finger off the railing so she could have more room in the front. At this point I was pissed beyond reason, so I punched her spinal chord. Hard. She didn't pass out, but she stopped trying to knock me off.

- The bands here don't like it when people actually fight (as opposed to moshing. Several stop the show just to tell the fueders off. Kudos to them.

- One group (went before Good Charlotte) had a lead singer who was completely drunk. He decided to do a whole set with all their songs about hating New York and man's best friend: beer. Oh yes, their music sucked as well.

Hrm. Need a rest now. Too damned tired.

. . . . . posted:||1:48 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Obaba-san (grandma) doesn't understand the concept of a 12 hour concert. Well, okay, so Warped Tour isn't exactly 12 hours long (only about 8.5 hours) but we'll be waiting in line for quite some time. Regardless, I plan to have a lot of fun there.

Currently looking for a better raw HTML editor. CoffeeCup isn't working anymore.

. . . . . posted:||7:38 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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In no mood to talk to people right now... I fear I'll say something I don't mean and will spend the rest of the summer trying to make up. So, just to fuel my frustrations, here's a list of the most annoying/ irritating/ infuriating quotes today:
"What the hell are you doing?" -dad in regards to blogging
"You just noticed how pathetic I am?" -sis
"Someone saying that they're mormon is the same as coming out to me" -Christy
"You want dis?" -grandma before she throws my socks in my face
"You've got some spagetti sauce here... and here... and here... and here... etc." -mom
"No, I'm not that talented." -Gerin
ARGH!!... I'll go tend to my incense burning and Ewan worship. Maybe that'll calm my nerves... or not. I hate my summer emotions.

. . . . . posted:||1:31 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
o.0? Who would possibly send me a CrushLink? Is it a regular reader?

. . . . . posted:||1:09 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Do you find it weird for someone who's non-athletic to be carbo-loading? Well, that's exactly what I'm doing. Yep, ladies and gents, this whole day (excluding summer school) I've been existing on a high-starch, low-protein, low-sugar/fat diet. Why? I'll need the energy for tomorrow's grand 12 hour concert: Van's Warped Tour! I plan to go with my usual summer concert attire: duct-tape cuffs, blood-red pants, thin-breathing shirt, and with the help of spray-on hair coloring, two red stripes will be going down the center of my head. Yes, I am completely looking forward to the event!

Found the address to friend Andy's blog: andy.unpretty.net (his site has a tracker on it so I don't want him to find my page) Want more detailed accounts of my summer school experiences? Read it there. One thing to note about today's session: met Mica in line to enter the cafeteria. We talked for a little bit before I went ahead to catch up with my friends. On the way out of the room, I waved bye to her.

During the last hour or so of class (when we were basically hiding in the back-room court) we met this really good DJ: Mark. Surprisingly enough, he's the real DJ Mix-n-Glow. Since there weren't any mixing tables, Christy and I plugged in our boomboxes (she wasn't suppose to bring her's, but she did accidently) and he started fading in and out the songs at appropriate times. Good stuff. Half of my friends didn't care for the techno beat much.

::bites lip:: Damn my need for codependence. Trivial as it may sound now (or several years into the future) but I'm falling (again rather quickly) for Matt. Thing is, he's completely straight; we were discussing who was the hottest dancer when the dance class came in to practice in the back court. Despite that though... for about the last 20 minutes of class his head was resting in my lap and he was sound asleep. I couldn't help but draw him as he layed so cutely and in unsuspecting slumber. Starting with the contour of his shirt, his legs crossed slightly at the ankle, and his hands craddled by his head. Then delicately placing all the other small details to make the image startlingly lifelike. Of course, he doesn't know I drew him.

Hrm... Listening to fellow classmate Gerin's cd. Really really good stuff... a bit unusual that a song about unrequited love comes on just when I wrote the above paragraph.

Ugh. If I wasn't such a nice and caring brother, I would've come out to everyone already. But why not, and what's with the brother stuff? Well, in a discussion long ago with my sis, she explained that if I ever came out completely, my life wouldn't be the only one affected. She'd have to handle the banters and insults and might have to defend my name in some instances... and knowing her, she'd break down if that were forced upon her.


"It's just love! What's everyone so scared of?!" -Steven (from Get Real)

. . . . . posted:||12:59 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
In the midst of utter frustration, I've come to a conclusion.

I can't live in this damned closet anymore. Being around my friends who aren't all that accepting forced me to put on my "straight" mask again, and I even have to censure my artwork for fear of them finding out.

This was why I've been suicidal in the past; the restrictions are suffocating me. Up until highschool I've always had to block all my true emotions. Entering LVA, however, those chains of burden were lifted. I was free to flirt, free to act "effeminite", and even make art the way I want to.

So, basically I'm having a creativity stroke. Dammit!

. . . . . posted:||3:41 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Entering another one of those periods...

Can't write, can't draw, can't think, can't breathe!

Why must my creativity run dry so often. When I have spurts of inspiration, I have to frantically work to preserve it. While painting my black and white back during school, I wanted to throw it away so many times because I lost sight of what it was I was conveying.

And with the confrontation of true musical talent in my friend Gerin, I'm completely intimidated.

. . . . . posted:||3:19 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Beau Travail is now playing, and I'm estatic for oh so many reasons.

Today's summer school accounts are... well, usual fun stuff. Tomorrow we plan to have a small party during class: I'm bringing my jukebox, someone's bringing the tent, strawberries, soda, pop rocks (no pixy stix this time around), etc. Promises to be an interesting event... if we don't get caught, that is.

Little cautionary for you. If you're sensitive to physical pain, never ever spray Binaca under your tongue. Felt like someone poured acid or Listerine in my mouth and then shut it with duct tape for hours. I managed to survive 30 sprays of the stuff, but my tongue felt numb for an hour and afterwards it felt like it was blistered all over... even right now.

Later that day, almost everyone from my group went to go watch Atlantis. It's interesting, but a bit depressing, that Disney's straying from their old code of content in their annual animation movies. Music for the movie was done in the usual orchestrational style with little spurts of chanting in it. They should've had more chanting. Barely enjoyable movie.

Immediately after the movie was done, sis and I went to go watch Moulin Rouge a third time. That movie just keeps on getting better and better each time I saw it. Can't really describe why in my semi-sleeping stage right now. Interesting thing to note: first time I saw the movie at the end people applauded, second time they just got up and left when the credits rolled, but this time it was silent. Not just no-one talking silent, but a no-one breathing silent. Like everyone gasped at the same time from the emotional-power of the ending. Finally, a theater audience who was captured completely by the movie's spell.

And now that I've seen it thrice, next time I think I shall dress up for it.

. . . . . posted:||11:20 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
... Goddamn. Just noticed that I haven't been keepin up with all the movies Sundance is playing for their OutLoud film fest.

. . . . . posted:||3:18 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Eck, never mind. Le Moulin Rouge blog sucks.

. . . . . posted:||2:51 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
... Weird. The first paragraph is always the size I want it...

But the next one is smaller. Hrm.

And the background's lil line-things aren't showing up... That's it, time to use a .gif file!

. . . . . posted:||2:01 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
My god! These Shout-Outs RWNO email-cards are so funny! (yes, I am a corporate bitch for obsessing over that show) Personal favorites: Melissa and her dimples, Danny's sexy beady eyes with a beaded background, and Julie's psycho swirl thing in the back!

Weird moment at 1:50am in the morning. I'm at HotorNot.com (the first time in about a month) scoping out some hot guys while repainting my fingernails. Dad comes down, watches some tv, and askes me what type of nail polish I use. Huh? Dad asking about nail polish? This is just too much!

'Course, now he's sleeping with a steam-engine-esque snoring pattern (almost as loud, just a decibel below) on the couch while I type merily away. Nyack.

. . . . . posted:||1:55 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Just got back from a mall excursion. Only spent about $30 compared to the $100 my fellow shopping-buddy-sister did. Dad dropped us off around 2:00pm to buy some concert attire and necessities for the Warped Tour show we're watching this saturday. I already had my concert stuff together, so mainly it was sis who needed to do some serious shopping. Over at Urban Zone I bought 20 sticks of incense (sweet-smelling jasmine, opium, and frankencense; no myrrh) and a small hand-carved wooden box with a laquer finish. Not quite sure what I'll use it for yet, but it'll probably have something to do with "important" items. Two more items bought: Ray's House (used) from Warehouse Music and the latest volume of Blade of the Immortal from B. Dalton. Overall, satisfied with my purchases. Other than just shopping, sis and I scoped out guys together (spotted this incredibly hot, near-fallen-angel guy), talked 'bout people, and had several cups of caffiene-rich coffee to keep our strength up.

Summer school today was very entertaining indeed. Sure, no one brought a boardgame to play (Clue was schedueled to make an appearance) and sis forgot the Pop Rocks, Pixy Stix, and Binaca, but C brought a boom box so we could listen to music while relaxing indoors. Some of the freshmen we adopted (a tradition started during last year's summerschool) got really into the music we were playing, and we made a big connection with a bunch of people that day. All through the power of music! Erm, yeah...

Okay, confession to make. I become infatuated far to often, far too easily, and far too quickly. Actually, if I'm not pining over someone I get desperate and go for the most likely candidate nearby (in which case would be Brady). This time though, it's one of the people we've adopted for the summer: Matt. That boy isn't gorgeously hot, but he's cute none the less. The fact that he likes basically the same type of music I do and agrees with the whole protoculture movement are big pluses. During the later part of the day, while we were listening to music, he leaned back and rested on me. I have the feeling that it was purely platonic, but then my over-active-romantic mind kicks in and I'm left wondering if he's being forward for a reason... Naw, nothing like that.

Mmm... Opium incense smells good!

. . . . . posted:||7:12 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
New layout (finally) uploaded! Need to go to mall soon, so more 'bout today later.

. . . . . posted:||1:11 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
New ambrosia found: curry sauce, chicken, rice, and coconut. Allow me to explain.

First, you have to saturate the chicken in curry sauce and eat it with rice. As you repeat the cycle (drink luke-warm water to advance the effect) the taste of spicyness gradually increases. Just when it feels like you could breath fire, have a spoonful of cool, coconut-based fruit salad. My god this is heavenly!

. . . . . posted:||1:48 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
It's funny how in the beginning I wrote like I was actually talking to someone through this thing. Now it's more like me talking to my reflection. And reading all my posts... strain on eyes. But, nostalgia is fun.

. . . . . posted:||12:56 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Post #410

Holy shit I write a lot.

. . . . . posted:||12:49 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Second day of summer school was... okay, I won't lie. It was boring. Excruciatingly so. I had to wait half an hour till there were enough tennis raquets for my friends to play a decent game of doubles and even then they quit after half an hour. So everyone just gathered and talked in the shade. Fun.

Nutrition break was a bit interesting. Bought a bottle of Sprite and used half of it to down a packet of Pop Rocks (courtesy of Sera), and I continually felt those things poping. And in my leg no less. -_-;;

Second half of the day was every bit as non-entertaining as the first. Badmitton wore out it's fun half an hour into play and cardgames were gone twice as fast. Sitting around talking about people in yearbooks also gets boring quickly. Short attention span, anyone?

So tomorrow I plan to bring my backpack complete with things to keep me entertained: CDs and player, sketchbook, "art" book for Sera to peruse, and the requisite deck of cards.

I'm guessing one of the reasons why I'm so utterly bored in that class is the fact that I have to hold myself back. Back in LVA I was allowed to be as freaky and "familiar" as I wanted to be and all my friends were understanding. At summerschool though, all my friends are... well, let's say disagreeable with my preferences. One friend says she's cool with gay people (keep in mind that she doesn't know about me) but you can tell that she feels uncomfortable whenever surrounded by them. Another is a semi-strict catholic (as opposed to my faux-catholicism) who thinks homosexuality is down-right dirty. Naturally I don't dare say anything then... but frankly my closet is a bit too small and stuffy so I can't breath.

The only one I can "act gay" with in the room is my sis (which is precisely what we did while watching the Real World reunion earlier this evening. Go Danny!). Sometimes some of the things she says bothers me. For instance, in a conversation with C where I was sitting between the two:
C: "I don't get how a guy can kiss another guy! It's so gross!"
sis: "I know!"
I know, I know. She's just trying to protect me and herself, but hearing that agreement coming from her mouth... kinda betrays all the conversations we've had about the subject, huh? I dunno.

Hrm... Seems like a good time to look back on all my "serious" crushes:
- Mike Z.
- Mike S.
- Eric D.
- Nick C. (no, not the BSB member)
- Chris M. (Topher)
- Brady J.
- James .R
Being lovelorn sucks.

I'm taking another guess and saying that my current mood is the result of a mainly-pistachio diet this past week.

. . . . . posted:||12:21 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Rouge Box lacks two more pages till it's completion! For once I finally finished a whole site within two weeks! I'm surprised no one else has made a Moulin Rouge fansite yet. Well, there's one (Wildest Woe) but it's a pre-movie site so no reviews. Hrm.

I need to get my sleeping patterns right again. Came home, fell asleep for about 3.5 hours, stayed awake for about 2 hours, then fell asleep again for 6.5 hours, and woke up at midnight. Now I feel sleepy again.. well, only slightly.

. . . . . posted:||2:04 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Sniff... No fair! I wanna get a PalmPilot too duckduck!

The best part about going to a school that's right by the mountain is the elevation. My house is relatively level; right at the base of the incline. Over at PaloVerde however, you can see the entire city. Today was perfect for that. The outdoor basketball/tennis courts are about thirty feet above the school (which means lots of stairs to climb). It's amazing the sense of infinity one gets on a day like this. When you're walking up those long stairs, you look up and slowly the steps fall out of your view and all you can see is blue sky with whisps of clouds streaked like cotton candy. All that was needed was a light breeze and you could almost fly into the sky. Makes one want to feel like breaking out of their bodies just to be completely free.

. . . . . posted:||6:23 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
[Report: Summer School (session one)]
amount of students: 150+ (last year 30+)
amount of teachers: 4 (last year 2)
required time walking: 0 minutes
required time on outside courts: 105 minutes
sport: tennis
performance: poor
group: 7; players: 4; balls: 2
nutrition break: 30 minutes
bought: Coke
saw: Gab (cousin)
required time weight lifting: 0 minutes
required time indoors: 120 minutes
sports: volleyball, ping pong, BS, badmitton
performance: well (BS, volleyball, badmitton); poor (ping-pong)
cute guys in class: 10+

Erm, yeah. The stats version of the experience. Overall, a fun experience. Need to bring more entertainment than just a deck of cards... I want to wait a week before I bring my CD player.

. . . . . posted:||6:00 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Here is the new layout for the Moulin Rouge (be sure the browser's maximized. I love iframe tags. ^_^ They let the impossible happen, especially an hour and a half before summerschool starts.

Source of energy this morning? Coffee. Pure, sweet java. A pep-meal second only to chocolate-covered coffee beans. Regardless, high caffiene count!... Just to make sure that I won't get bored throughout the day, I'm bringing along a deck of cards. Hm, how do you think your summerschool's gonna be like L?

. . . . . posted:||6:01 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Thanks ever so much Seri-chan for helping me with the Moulin Rouge page! I've finally figured out a way to make the site look better. Sure, you won't see the changes right now since I have to go to bed relatively early for summer school tomorrow. But, wait till the afternoon when I can encode more of it.

In other news, got back from eating a large dinner at Sam Woo's BBQ (it's popular in the southwest). Completely pigged out... which isn't good since I have to excercise tomorrow. Ech. I have to wake up at 5:00am.

Debating whether to keep the black nailpolish on. The school I'm going to for the whole summer is a concentration of bubbly cheerleaders and jocks with lethal gaydar. It'll be even ackward in the weight-lifting room. Just hope I get the other coach this year; the one I had last time was evil. Only reason why he didn't make us work our asses off was because his toe broke and he didn't feel like walking much.

At least I get to see my friends again.

. . . . . posted:||11:05 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Tomorrow is the beginning of summer school P.E. (which Seri-chan has luckily dodged -_-) and I'm not quite sure what to bring for the first day. Sure, I have to bring my registeration papers, but that's about it. Last year, we hardly did anything except listen to our cd's and play BS/ Speed/ other card games. Hopefully it'll be as easy this year as it was last summer.

Hrm. This quote really does apply to blogging huh?:
"What's the use of keeping a diary if no one reads it!"
"To learn about oneself, that's what!"
Nagiko and her husband, from The Pillow Book

Well, time to get ready for church. Ugh. That place is a gigantic gathering of the needy, the bored, and the tone deaf. ::cringe::

. . . . . posted:||5:04 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Another one-line post. Moulin Rouge site is almost done. Four more pages (and some research) and the thing will be ready for viewing.

. . . . . posted:||3:52 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Ugh. I hate managing images. For those of you who couldn't see the main image etc. etc., I apologize. Brinkster apparently rebooted their servers quite some time ago so the images didn't show up. This isn't helping my headache at all! ;_;

. . . . . posted:||3:49 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
::sniff::... I feel sorry for Sean. Really I do. First off, the boyfriend(s) situation, then there's the female friend in love, her cousin, and a dad who's trying to turn him straight. Ouch, too much unholy shit going on. I feel like giving him a big old hug next time he's online but 1) dunno if that might piss him off and 2) we're not really friends anymore. Used to talk a lot for... two or three days. But, like most of my online acquaintances, we drifted apart.

So, sympathize with his situation? Somewhat. I can completely sympathize with his female friend situation though. Back in AZ there were at least three of my "girlfriends" who really really liked me. When I told them that I wasn't interested, let alone gay... one took it really bad and hasn't talked to me ever since. Another just said "Oh...that's cool" and eventually got over it. The other I already told before I found out that she did like me so she basically said "Well, it's fun imagining, no?" Now, in my first year at LVA (in the first half of the year no less) one of my junior friends was heavily hitting on me, even danced several times with me at the halloween ball. So, that night, I had to tell her... after the smoke alarm cut the dance very short (smoke-machine was on full blast). Same old pissed off tone, turning to one of our mutual gay friends saying "There's another good one gone!" (to which we both smiled at eachother) and nearly broke my neck when we hugged before I had to go. Really messy.

Which is why I hate the whole boy/girlfriend scheme that high school life encompasses. People get together nonchalantly and break up in gigantic bouts of melodrama. It's a breeding ground for the kind of fickle relationships so many adults I know have. Which is why I'm renouncing the whole dating game for highschool... till senior year that is. Instead, I'll be searching for true love! Oh yeah! ^_^

Hrm. That reminds me about something. Jyl (pretend girlfriend) and I were supposed to have our own big messy break up on the last day of school, but she never showed up at the appointed time. Oh well, that would've been fun, no?

. . . . . posted:||3:23 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Tonight is a night for anime viewing! Earlier, I watched two hours of Earthian including the final episode they never released officially in the states. The ending sucked completely, but the story was good. Next, and currently watching, is the Macross Plus series. Even though the show was done several years ago, the animation quality and computer-graphics integration is superb. Not to mention that the music is absolutely exquisite.

Well, to finish things up, I might as well finish some of my lists:
My Own Personal Sex Gods
- Ewan McGregor
- Ben Affleck & Matt Damon
- Heath Ledger
- Mr. Borealez and Mr. Marsters
- DiCaprio
- Tom Cruise/ Brad Pitt
- Ashton Kutcher
- Freddie Prince Jr.
- Josephe Feinnes
- Carson Daily
- Seth Green
- Danny from RWNO
- Ricky from MuchMusic
- Jet Li
- Hayden Christensen

As usual I amend the right to revise this list at any time... ha.

. . . . . posted:||1:14 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
It's nearing 1:00am. Seri has managed to get a few posts in since last I checked. I guess it's not a good idea to mix sour lemonade with some freshly opened Merlot, huh? No brain-killing euphoria, just a straight-away hang over... and not enough honey to stave the pain.

. . . . . posted:||12:47 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Mmm... Palmpilots. Yes Paul, many a noble tree would be saved by the use of one of those things. I could buy one right now if I ever got a ride to Best Buy or Radio Shack... but I think the money's best spent buying human fillet mignon. Gotta love that red meat... considering I don't eat red meat much these days.

Beautiful Thing is playing right now. After watching Get Real before hand, this movie's a nice compliment... in the story's ending anyways.

Scary point to make: I like ATeens. Strictly music wise, and only in very small and infrequent increments, but their music makes for good dancing tunes. Since parents will be gone till noon tomorrow, I'm gonna have loads of dancing time all to myself. Just as soon as my sis goes upstairs.

Hrm. Speaking of parents, it seems that Brant and I are in a bit of a similar situation. A line from a short film I saw says it all: "My parents don't know about my situation. You know, the 'me liking boys' one. But I think they know already even though we haven't talked a lot about it. They let me do whatever I want; they trust me. I guess they're cool... for parents." Okay, not exactly 100% like the actual saying, but it's more or less in the same context. Now all I have to do is muster up courage to tell em... but later, and when they're actually home.

. . . . . posted:||10:13 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Hm. Looks like someone else got their report card today as well. What's my grade you say?

A - Geometry I Honors
A - Ceramics I
A - Visual Design I
A - Japanese I
A - English I Honors
A - Biology I Honors
A - Health

I'm actually surprised that I got straight A's, considering how much my 4.0 GPA was in danger thanks to Mr. Ceramics Teacher... oops, didn't mean to brag.

. . . . . posted:||7:04 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
There's something about feeling the cold air blowing on your feet and breathing in the crisp morning through an open window that makes you want to break free from your body and go on an interstellar romp with the members of Incubus... oh wait, that's their video.

. . . . . posted:||6:44 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Okay, call it a fetish if you want, but I find people who take good photographs and admire sunrises/sunsets awfully sexy. Case in point: Mr. Jay. Another plus that he knows how incredible the sunsets in AZ can be. Sure, we have great ones here in Las Vegas, but they're few and far between. I blame the high elevation and high winds that blow away the pollution necessary to produce those amazing hues... What? You thought those sunsets were natural? Dear, Phoenix is the most polluted city in the nation.

Yep, I'm far more edgy when I'm on the ... edge? Aw hell, need more sour lemonade.

. . . . . posted:||6:30 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Since I'm once again lacking in anything productive to do (I'm not even touching my Moulin Rouge site for at least 12 hours) I'll make another list.
My Own Private Rock Gods
-Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray
-Raine from Our Lady Peace
-Tony/Adrian from No Doubt
-both singers for Linkin Park
-Shinobu from Da Pump
-"the shirtless one" in the ARASHI video
-lead singer for Orgy
-Joel/Benji from Good Charlotte
-Billy Corgan from (the late) Smashing Pumpkins
-Ricky Martin
-all three of Soul Decision
-Leni Kravitz
-Johnsy from Silverchair
-Brandon from Incubus
-Ringo Star
Heh, just kidding bout that last one.

. . . . . posted:||6:17 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Tickets are a good thing. For instance, here're a couple of events I have tickets for already: Warped Tour, Les Miserables, Moulin Rouge (again), O, De La Guarda. Currently in pursuit of tickets for the OurLadyPeace concert in mid July. Finally gonna get to see my favorite band (and sexy Raine) live and in person! I'm so bringing a camera!

Another reason why I'm happy: since I've been up all night long, I finally got some dancing time in uninterupted (and un-scrutinized) by the other family members. Dancing to music from the latino explosion (mainly J-Lo, Ricky Martin, and Shakira) is perfect for dancing. Oh yeah, feeling good!

New goal for the summer: become a better cook chef.

. . . . . posted:||5:51 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
My god... these photos are exquisite!

. . . . . posted:||4:51 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Well, I've managed to stay up this long on saltine crackers and sour lemonade. It's nice to have moments of inspiration... but why does it have to be at night?

. . . . . posted:||4:43 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Ugh... the part I hate most about making pages is checking to see that everything's working in sync. So, I have the first round of my Moulin Rouge uploaded, but I need to make several link changes to it. Wanna see?

. . . . . posted:||3:09 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Three posts after another? My my my, is that a sign that I'm not working on my pages like I should be doing? ::nods::

Dad got tickets to see Les Miserables when it comes to town in September. I can't hardly wait! We have seats dead center and a little bit (but not too much) in the back. I just pray that the company is better that the last time I saw it. ::shudders at the memory::

I've been reviewing a lot of movies lately. Why? Because I'm a complete movie buff. Yes, I can't plan my own leisure time so I pay $5 (sometimes more) to waste an average of 1.75 hours of my life... when the movie's bad. I should add a review section to this page then, no?

It's almost 1:00am and I feel like dancing. Sadly, there's noone within a mile whom I'd like to dance with... well, maybe the guy down the street but I've already scared him off a long time ago.

. . . . . posted:||12:48 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Comments against Moulin Rouge a criteria for serious fighting words. Yes, that's how much of a fan I am of it! Reading the reviews given by other people at Moviefone.com, I'm glad that so many people gave it the highest rating. Then, there're the people who completely blast the movie with a 0 rating. Now, I know people are entitled to their own opinion and I respect that... until they judge something they've never even watched! For instance, one guy gave it a 1 rating and said: "I never saw it, but the whole story is dumb, and plus there all just a bunch of prostitutes." My god! It's like a small kid saying that they don't like something they've already tried. Unless he is a rather young kid, that sort of reason isn't excusable at all. Then there's this one which I absolutely hate. Another guy gives it a 0 rating and then says: "Could possibly be the worst movie ever filmed of all times. The gay people will love it though!!!" Obligatory stereotype. Unless it's ment in humor only (and I'm too pissed to interperet it likewise), that last comment becomes quite irritating. Then again I have to remember that not everyone is sufficiently open minded. Which is another reason why I find that I can't trust the outside world.

... Yeesh, I need to take a breather and calm down.

. . . . . posted:||12:38 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Tomb Raider was... a typical summer movies. Naturally, you don't walk into the theater expecting to watch War and Peace... which is why I felt like screaming at the two old women who were complaining how stupid the movie was and that there wasn't enough romance. What the f^ck?! You don't watch Tomb Raider for its love story. Why even bother buying tickets then! I felt like coming up to them to recommend watching Moulin Rouge, but I doubt they'd have the patience to wait out the silly parts before it gets to the meat of the story.

Anyways, back to the movie. Crap storyline, but that was to be expected. Angelina Jolie is perfect for the role of Lara Croft; anatomy and attitude wise. It was pretty funny to see that her Billy-Bob tattoo wasn't completely hidden under her body makeup. Action scenes were pretty impressive, although nothing particularly stands out. The bungee sequence in her house was a bit disappointing (I was expecting CrouchingTiger-style jumps, leaps, bounds, etc.). The ending was a bit too quick where she destroys the triangle of the light (big spoiler there -_-) with a single bullet... but it did remind me of Zelda a bit. The part about obtaining the triangle anyways. Overall, nice action flick.

Ako-Aya seems to have liked the movie too.

. . . . . posted:||12:22 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Well, I'm on my way out to go watch Tomb Raider in a few minutes, and I decided that I might as well go ahead and write an entry before i'm off.

Morpheus is a beautiful piece of software. Thanks to it I've been able to get some of my favorite music videos ("Jeremy" by pearl jam, "Tonight tonight" by smashing Pumpkins, "The World Is Not Enough" by Garbae, etc.). It's fun to indulge in a bit of nostalgia sometimes.

Gershwin and Joplin are becoming more and more impossible to play on the piano. I really should be practicing it more and more but... well, two weeks without piano have spoiled me, I guess. Which is why tomorrow I'm planning to practice all day long. Fun.

. . . . . posted:||6:00 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
In my neverending search for things of sensual power, I have come across a gem of a movie: The Pillow Book. Really, this movie is complete chocolate.

First off, this movie is about literature and art. Literature in the sense of poetry. The protagonist Nagiko is the daughter of a printmaker who gives her his blessing by writing on her face and neck the same thing on her birthday. From this, she develops a fetish for writing and being written on people. Art in the sense that her desires produce stunning works of art; photographed, copied, printed, published. And all throughout the movie excerpts from the Heian period novel Makura no Soshi are performed.

Next, the cinematography is exquisite. Movie sets are at first classical Japanese with shogi screens and tranquil bonzai gardens, to the grime of Shangai Hai's crowded urban life, to posh hotel rooms and flats with highly stylized Japanese themes. And often on the walls are characters from many languages written and projected in the background. The director uses a screen-within-screen style where a picture is juxtaposed onscreen while the film goes on in the back. Sometimes this is used to convey things which would be ackward to narrate. For instance, when Nagiko walks into a publisher's workshop to see him about her writing, a smaller-sized screen appears on the bottom showing her as a child in her father's printshop. An ingenius way to convey memory.

Lastly, the movie is completely seductive while managing a near-macabre undertone. Nagiko is constantly shown with her lovers in various stages of passion and foreplay, whether it be in a tub of water caressing the dirt away, or in bed writing her own pillow book on her lovers. When she finds one of her lovers (this one being Ewan McGregor) dead, she writes on him one last time... and the publisher who was also his lover becomes jealous. He strips the body of the skin written on, cleans the flesh, and makes a book out of it (reminiscent of Judge, anyone?) which he bargains more artwork from Nagiko if she wants it.

Oh yes. I've found a second-favorite movie now. Incidently, my favorite movie also has Ewan in it: Moulin Rouge.

. . . . . posted:||2:53 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Next time I decide to do some glass engraving... I'll have to make sure that I bought glass, not plastic that's impossible to carve into. -_-;;

. . . . . posted:||5:11 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Sometimes don't you just wanna be in one of those Lilith-Fair-Artists' mid-90's videos? You know, like Meredith Brookes' where you just get up and dance because you feel happy (or want to feel happy). Kinda like the dance scenes in Stepmom or that one with Sandra Bullock... the one where they're always dancing around a table. Why couldn't life be a musical?

. . . . . posted:||4:16 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Is it just me, or is the current shifting places design similar to the one MTV's using? I smell plagerism at work... but from which side?

. . . . . posted:||3:56 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Well, just because I'm so utterly bored heres my latest WinAmp playlist:

1- "Dancing Queen" ATeens
2- "Bouncin'" ATeens
3- "Days Like That" SugarJones
4- "Here's to Tonight" Eve 6
5- "When It's Over" Sugar Ray
6- "Butterfly" Crazytown
7- "Drive" Incubus
8- "Ombilshare" Prozzak
9- "Be As" Prozzak
10- "Special" Joybox
11- "Motivation Proclamation" Good Charlotte
12- "Let's Do It Right" SoulDecision
13- "Gravity" SoulDecision
14- "www.nevergetoveryou" Prozzak
15- "It's Raining Men" Geri Halliwell
16- "Clumsy (acoustic)" Our Lady Peace
17- "California" Wave
18- "Sukiyaki" Utada Hikaru
19- "Believe in Love" Utada Hikaru
20- "Promise" Utada Hikaru
21- "BangBangBoom" Moffats
22- "I Quit" Hepburn
23- "All that Jazz" from Chicago
24- "Anything But Lonely" from Aspects of Love
25- "Waltz for Eva and Che" from Evita
26- "Unexpected Song" Bernadette Peters
27- "Life" Our Lady Peace
28- "Basement Apartment" Sarah Harmer
29- "I'm Afraid of Britney Spears" LiveonRelease
30- "Your Friend" Saving Ferris
31- "Your Boyfriend Sucks" The Ataris
32- "The Last Song I'll Write About a Girl" The Ataris
33- "Ai no Hoshi" The Brilliant Green
34- "Disagree" Pushing Daisies
35- "Song for the Dumped" Ben Folds Five.

Well, as Jung once said: "You can learn a lot about someone from their taste (in music)." I need to pop on my dance-music playlist and dance along, but my sister's presence in the room is completely dragging down my (formerly) chipper mood. What an annoyance. At least she didn't go on about her legs again like during yesterday's post-graduation festivities. That was so damned annoying that every time she does go off on her "I'm saying this to make everyone as miserable as I am about my body" I feel like burrying my fist in her caved-in skull. Ugh. Major Ugh. No, promote that to a General Ugh.

. . . . . posted:||3:53 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Question, but who the hell likes to look back on those lazy summer days? I find it completely boring. Sure, I'd be far more active if I could actually drive, if my friends would gather for a game or volleyball/tennis/ or something of the like. If the weather agreed with me more and the sun wouldn't shine so harshly in my face all the time. If only my parental units (and grandparental unit) would stop being so damned paranoid and let me out of the house on my own; maybe even us the public transit if I wanted to. Because I need to effing get out of the house! I swear the cabin fever is pissing me off a lot.

I should probably go jogging early in the morning. The stagnant air in this house is making mold grow on my brain.

. . . . . posted:||3:40 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Currently working on the template for my Tony Vincent site. It's turning out to look quite good... now all I need is content.

Time to update my Sundance movie-viewing list:
Beautiful Thing
6-11-2001 6:00am & 1:30pm, 6-16-2001 8:15am & 9:00pm
The Delta
6-15-2001 9:00pm, 6-19-2001 11:00pm
Chuck & Buck
6-22-2001 9:00pm, 6-24-2001 9:00pm
6-16-2001 1:00am, 6-23-2001 9:00pm, 6-27-2001 12:35am
When Love Comes
6-8-2001 1:30am, 6-20-2001 2:30am, 6-30-2001 2:30am
6-9-2001 2:30am, 6-18-2001 1:30am, 6-26-2001 12:30am
Beau Travial
6-9-2001 1:00pm, 6-9-2001 11:00pm, 6-15-2001 6:00pm
Must Be the Music
6-10-2001 10:30pm
6-29-2001 9:00pm
6-25-2001 8:35pm
Inside Out
6-27-2001 8:30pm, 6-30-2001 10:30am 7:30pm
The Hours and Times
6-20-2001 10:35pm
6-21-2001 4:00pm, 6-30-2001 11:00am

As you can see, I added a few more titles and crossed off the ones already seen. Figures that half-way through the month I finally discover the complete list of movies on the main site... and half the short films I wanted to watch aren't showing at any time for the rest of the fest. Damn. Now if only the timer on my VCR worked... that would make life infinitly easier. That and a PalmPilot.

. . . . . posted:||2:55 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Hmm... the Ovation channel I get has some interesting programming. For instance, here's the description for "Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo":

The all-male ballet company performs selections from Swan Lage and Le Corsaire.

Okay, so it's nothing too unusual (especially for those of us who saw Love!Valor!Compassion!) but the idea of it.. Mm mm mm. Wonder how all my dance-major friends back in LVA would like this program (both male and female dancers). Personally, I like it. Too bad they don't play the all-male version of R & J. That would be a sight to see and it might show the Mercutio/Romeo pairing as more of a possibility.

Speaking on that subject, remember that link I posted about the underwritten gay subtext of many famous movies? Here's a site that does it in more of a rant/raving fashion. So insidious, so trite, so brash and brazen... I just had to put it on my favorite list.

. . . . . posted:||12:22 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Blogger-appetite satisfied! From reading Mr. Gaiman's journal, I'm inferring that there'll be a Death movie afterall... which is pretty funny since today I was rereading all my Sandman comics. God I love that man's writing!

And yes... I couldn't help myself. I cut enough fresh roses from the garden today to make a rather large bouquet. Selfish, I know, since they're all just for me. Kinda makes you wonder if I'd be as happy to recieve roses with how I'm indulging right now.

. . . . . posted:||7:18 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Sniff... Waaah!!!! Overnight I was downloading the Utena movie (4+ hours for each of three parts... for a cable modem no less!) and finally had time to watch it just now. I... like. A lot. The story borrows a lot from Demian, actually. In the original TV series the ominous speech said in the elevator every episode was inspired what Demian wrote to Sinclair when he was sent his painting of a bird struggling out if it's shell. Also, the themes of self discovery where one had to to understand what made their personalities, fears, expectations, and dreams. In the end, you'd have to turn inward and find the truth in yourself.

Basically, the outline of my search for myself up to this point. But back to softer issues...

Reason for why I've been out for most of the day: graduation. Not mine, but my step-cousin's. Really uneventful. A row of AZN pride advocates sat in the row infront of me who became really annoying halfway through the ceremony. What was worse were the people sitting two rows back; constantly jeering, shouting, and that damned horn of theirs really gave me a headache. Strange thing though, there were ten valedictorians and one saluditorian. And one guy out of the whole bunch. Hm.

Afterwards, everyone in the group went to eat at this Brazilian steakhouse. Walking in it seemed really... dead. There was only one other party there (two guys having a lunch date) and the owner was working as the only waiter. Later, she revealed that it was their first day of reopening after some renovations and they hadn't had time to find suitable waiters. None-the-less, the food was absolutely amazing. I had a blackbean soup which tasted a bit chalky and a bit bitter; with my strange taste, I liked it. Then, we had the main course which was a series of meats served to us literally off the skewer it was cooked on. First, a sausage which was crispy and spicy on the outside but very juicy inside. Second, turkey marinated and smoke-cooked which almost melted in your mouth. Third, beef cooked to different degrees. I got the part that was medium done with just the right amount of marbling in the meat. Absolutely delicious. Last was pork, but I could care less for it. As a side for the meal there were several platters of stewed potatoes (very good), something fried which was a mix between fried tofu and hash browns (good too), rice, and buttered broccoli. To finish off the meal, I had a Guava-flavored soda with a higher caffeine content level than red bull and some really good flan con leche. Satisfied completely. How can you tell? I'm actually writing about it.

Really should be working on my other pages, but that'll wait.

. . . . . posted:||7:08 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Currently snacking on dinner: tuna spread on saltine crackers with lemonade.

Searching for Bobby Fischer was playing today. I absolutely love that movie. First time it came out in theaters I was in elementary school and full-swing into my chess period. So naturally I was excited to watch the movie. I think the movie did well to portray how chess can affect the lives of people; the young protegy studying for a championship, the extreme competitave spirit of the chess parents, the chess teacher who burnt out from a devistating loss, to the same child who no longer wants to play because the game's lost it's charm.

Strangely enough, ever since I got out of that phase of my life, I haven't played chess in such a long time. Too bad though, I was rather good.

. . . . . posted:||8:13 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Mmm... Just found a plethora of Tony Vincent pics from the same person linked below. Now I can finally make a decent Tony Vincent fansite. ^_^ So happy!

... but damn, I need to finish my Moulin Rouge one first... and I need to update my older pagers...

Okay, first Moulin Rouge. Then Tony Vincent and the older pages.

. . . . . posted:||1:25 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
The Love That Dared Not Show Its Face, an article about the gay subtext of many movies which have been severely underplayed or ignored. My favorite one is from Spartacus:
M: Antoninus, do you eat oysters?
A: Yes.
M: Snails?
A: No.
M: Do you consider the eating of oysters to be moral and the eating of snails to be immoral?
A: No, master.
M: And taste is not the same as appetite and therefore not a question of morals, is it?
A: It could be argued so, master.
M: Um, that'll do. My robe, Antoninus. Ah, my taste... it includes both oysters and snails.

. . . . . posted:||1:08 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Live in Paradise, a short but interesting slash fiction of the BIBLE, explains the estranged relationship between Gabrielle and Lucifer... Which reminds me of the online manga I never did finish... I think I'll redo it now that I have the time. Want the general story? Gabrielle is commanded to gather the twelve who're the beacons of the zodiac powers before Lucifer convinces them to join him. But, Lucifer has more plans than just the prevention of the final judgment... Yep, I should write those backcover story summaries for books.

Another slashfic Worship is about Judas' true feelings for his "saviour"... well, I've always said that those two were more than the bible said they were. And if you've seen the new production of JesusChristSuperstar, you'd understand clearly.

Yeah, I'm a complete blasphemer! :p

. . . . . posted:||12:31 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
The Harry Potter Slash Webring... scary.
(For those who don't know, slash fiction is fanfiction with male/male pairings. Normally, I'm all for it but when it gets to HP slash (or IronChef slash) I back away very quickly)

. . . . . posted:||12:01 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Been doing some more thinking today. Outside, in the shade of the 80% finished patio roof, I was working on carving my wooden sculpture. My screw-driver-posing-as-a-chisel slowly chipped away at the weathered board of wood I was working on. And as I hammered away, I thought back to the book I'm reading.

First, I noticed that the book's only 158 pages and I've been reading it for about three weeks... it seems that my pace has slowed a bit. But I quickly got off that thought.

Second one that came to mind was the spiritual questioning of the main character Sinclair. Currently, he's been talking to his friend whose an organ-playing theologian at the nearby chapel. After a rather unusual first introduction when he found Sinclair sitting on the steps of the chapel listening to him play, they set out for a drink where Sinclair mentions the god Abraxas. Their friendship consists of the theologian being a sort of mentor and teacher to Sinclair; opening his student's mind to himself through using the god Abraxas who is both heaven and hell, angel and devil, light and darkness, etc y etc. He tells Sinclair that he must listen to his dreams and follow them; make them the mysteries and rituals of his own personal religion. Even killing a person is justified if it is in your own mind, even though most of the time it's part of that person that disgusts you (because it is a part of you) which you want to kill.

Later, Sinclair befriends another man seeking the truth of higher beings. At first, he accuses Sinclair of being "just another pig like the rest of them!" but later he's taken in by the air of difference around the man. At this point, Sinclair decides to help the man a little bit, but states that you can't be taught the truth; one must turn inward to find their own personal truth.

This whole section got me thinking (sorry for being redundant). I guess I've replaced a god in my life with aestheticism and art. Thinking about it now, belief in a god is mainly about becoming as pure as that god and in understanding it right? Well, that's what I seek to do with art. I want to become art incarnate, to live a life less ordinary and far more freaky/creative/original/non-hollywood.

As for the subject of an actual god... I believe in two separate explanations. First, god is just an image, a standard which we made to set an example and to make us feel less lonely... some people even use god to create a fanatical militia. Personal explanation: god is a focal point where the will of the world is sent to. I do believe that people have more potential than just tone physical body can manifest... then again, I don't believe that everyone has a purpose since there's too effing many of us now. Anyways, when people pray/chant/wish/whatever for the generally same things, that's when miracles happen. When enough people want something to happen, it does because everyone's influence is centered on one purpose. (watch Lain or Evangelion if you want a clearer idea of what I'm trying to explain)... this reminds me of the RichieRich movie where the washing-machine-looking wishmachine used leftover wish power to make a wish come true... but in a more mature and less selfish sense.

... Then I realized that I wasn't paying attention, and I had split my 5 ft carving with my chisel. Dammit! I spent a lot of time on that thing!.. at least my "box" now looks better with the wire mesh on it. Didn't make much sense, right?

. . . . . posted:||11:19 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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GOHATTO, a period piece about hidden gay desires set in near post-shogunate Japan? Interesting. Must see. (puts it down in his movie scheduel)

And in other news, India's music videos are strange and very unusual. In the one I just saw, a devil figure sends three vixens to seduce this holy man, but becomes unsuccessful when the vixens achieve their goal, but decide to stay with him instead of delivering him to the devil guy. What's disturbing is that the three girls are completely sexy, but the holy man is butt-freaking-ugly. So, I'm thinking "that's weird" but then I see five other videos like that and... well, that's when I got disturbed.

Whoo hoo! 5 cups of coffee and counting!

. . . . . posted:||11:27 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
::pout:: Whatever happened to boy-ashamed's diary? Now I need a password to read it? Oh well, if he wants that privacy then he deserves it. It's been fun reading though.

. . . . . posted:||7:29 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Well, was in the middle of reading "If Not Devotion...?" (Mr. Ripley fanfic) when my grandma sees the sawdust on the floor and bids me to vacuum it. So, I oblige, but she shuts down the computer while I was working. Pissed off at one person. Then, dad and mom comes down and mom changes the channel on the TV from my Japanese soap to some basketball game. Mad at two people. Then, dad tells me to stop cleaning which I do, but then grandma yells at me to keep cleaning, so I start up the vacuum again, which leads to even more yelling from my dad to turn it off. Yeah, I'm in a bad mood. I'm effing pissed at everyone on the first floor of my house. All I need now is sis to come down and make some comment which I don't need. Ugh.

. . . . . posted:||7:20 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Watching the Japanese variety show Hey!Hey!Hey! right now... and it just goes to show that even though you're famous you still can't shoot a basket. Right now there's a tournament of basketball hoops... and Utada Hikaru's winning... Only because she's been scoring one point out of ten balls and her opponents no points.

Hmm... never heard her talk before. She has a rather low voice actually.

Let's see... had to go to church today (ech) but lunch afterwards was very good. Sure, we drove for about twenty minutes to get to the restaurant, but that place had some of the best dim sum in the whole town. Then again... only five other places serve dim sum at all. Hm. Still not as good as the place I went to back in Arizona, but oh well...

Currently trying to fashion together a wooden box... and failing miserably. Too many splinters. Too much dust. Hard and laborious. If I had the proper tools with better presicion, then I could make something decent... but then again, I've barely started on the box... Which reminds me that my wooden carving is still waiting to be done...

. . . . . posted:||6:54 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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To pass the time, here's my movie schedule:
Beautiful Thing
6-11-2001 6:00am & 1:30pm, 6-16-2001 8:15am & 9:00pm
The Delta
6-15-2001 9:00pm, 6-19-2001 11:00pm
Chuck & Buck
6-22-2001 9:00pm, 6-24-2001 9:00pm
6-16-2001 1:00am, 6-23-2001 9:00pm, 6-27-2001 12:35am
When Love Comes
6-8-2001 1:30am, 6-20-2001 2:30am, 6-30-2001 2:30am
6-9-2001 2:30am, 6-18-2001 1:30am, 6-26-2001 12:30am
Beau Travial
6-9-2001 1:00pm, 6-9-2001 11:00pm, 6-15-2001 6:00pm
Must Be the Music
6-10-2001 10:30pm
I'd be watching Beau Travial again, but the parents are downstairs watching a tennis match they taped. Damn them.

. . . . . posted:||11:14 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Oh, on a side note, Topher didn't show up. In a way, a good thing. But in another way, not so good.

. . . . . posted:||10:45 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Finally got back from the movies.

Moulin Rouge: That movie gets better everytime I watch it. Sara showed up with her friend and friend's boyfriend. Second time around, I noticed several different things: Christian's line to Satine during the performance was rehearsed earlier in the movie, and he has her bird at the very end. Once I see it a third time, I'll be able to catch more.

During the movie, two old people walked out of the theater. Even the old croons I had to sit by were contemplating leaving ("This is so stupid!"). However, at the end they were bawling. Which is why I never walk out of a movie, no matter how bad it is. In cases like that, I sleep.

Evolution: the second movie of the night. After watching Moulin Rouge my parents picked me and my sis up... well, we met them at the box office. Everyone felt like watching (another) movie, so we bought tickets to go see Evolution. Man, that was a stupid movie. It doesn't even get remotely funny till the aliens start evolving. And even then it's a chuckle every five minutes or so. Not to mention the shameless (and completely satirical) plug for Head and Shoulders.

The continuation of the Ewan movie fest will be later tonight with the viewing of A Life Less Ordinary. Oh yeah.

. . . . . posted:||10:44 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Emma is currently playing on the TV, and Ewan is onscreen. A relief from me for I've been watching the movie just to see him and was a bit worried that halfway through the film he was no where to be seen. Then, he rides up on a white stead. Ah yes.

Ever since watching MoulinRouge, Mr. McGregor has been my most recent infatuation. That singing voice, that body, that accent that melts me like butter... Mmm mm. Oh yes. And I (purely coincidently) own all the movies that he's been in... except the Velvet Goldmine. Must get that one. Must.

Ah... now he's singing. My god he's an effing sex bomb!

Well, I'm suppose to go see Moulin Rouge again with friends (Suncoast @ 5:25 pm) today. Wonder who'll show up. Strangely enough, by pure circumstance, my friend has invited a Topher to the movie. Hmm, wonder who he is. But, if he's the other one, that'll cause a bit of a problem.

. . . . . posted:||3:48 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Call my crazy, but now that it's summertime I've been organizing a daily scheduel for myself. Ha. Like I'd follow it in the current mood I'm in. Well, I guess I'l talk about it later when I'm not so happy and chipper.

. . . . . posted:||7:17 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Just when I decide that this self-abuse (staying up all night for no apparent reason) must stop, I go to bed... and I can't fall asleep. Weird. Very weird. I guess I'll just have to have a cup of coffee and try to last till noon. Um, yeah...

. . . . . posted:||7:04 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Well, seems that I have to actually open up blogger to get my entries posted instead of using blogthis. Sigh.

. . . . . posted:||6:54 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Ugh, hypocrits. Hate them. Especially the one I have to live with. You know, the one who can get senior discounts on everything everywhere we go? Yep, her.

Lately I've been doing everything I can to tick her off, make her lose that "I'll never be mad at my grandchildren no matter how evil they are" mindset. Well, everything short of coming out that is. But, that'll happen soon enough.

. . . . . posted:||6:52 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Okay, I've had this layout for how long and have yet to update the new version of this page? Well, at least I did that much. Now I have to finish doing the new layout (yes another one) and gathering content for my moulin rouge page. Lovely lack of motivation.

. . . . . posted:||6:43 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Yes! I stand triumphant! Ahem...

Recently there's been a rather large fly buzzing around the house. It even makes a rather loud buzzing noise, and constantly swarms around me while I'm trying to eat.

I've tried swatting it, but it's not slow enough. I tried grabbing the fly in mid-flight (usually works all the time) but still no avail. So what did I do? I opened a window and waited patiently. Then, when the fly was on the other side of the sunscreen, I shut the window trapping it in that little space.

Ha! See, I can act semi-normal with minimal sleep... erm, yeah.

. . . . . posted:||6:14 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Yes, it's me. I'm awake. Still. This early in the morning. During the summer when I should be sleeping in all day. But I can't cause there's a strange man in my bed.

No, not really. Can't you tell that I need sleep?

. . . . . posted:||4:51 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Hm, how funny. The vox (a recently found blog which I now frequent) is rereading A Density of Souls as well. If you haven't read that book yet, please do. It's really good.

Yeah, I'm up at this hour.

. . . . . posted:||11:46 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Now, it's 10:30-ish at night and Sandra Bernhard is on the tv with her refreshing sense of comedy. I'm still wearing my oxford collar. Unbuttoned and uncuffed, of course, but it still feels great on me.

Sometimes, I wish things were like that.

I'd be coming home from a formal extravaganza, eyes watching the yellow streetlights pass by the window as soft jazz plays quietly on the radio. And my significant other's sitting in the driver's seat, humming to the music without even realizing it.

He'd park the car in the driveway, and we'd stumble half-drunk to the door. I'd fumble with the keys a bit, trying to shrug him off as he tries to get my shirt off. The door opens, and our apartment is dark. The blinds are slightly open; just enough to let the moonlight in and cast it's blue glow. I close the door behind us. Click click, and the lock's secured. I'm home.

He turns me around and our lips lock. Hard. Tongues clashing. Hands caress my back as my fingers quickly fidget with his buttons. I grasp his collar to undue that stiff necktie... and his cologne clings to the shirt.

That's what I love. When I can smell cologne on the collar of a shirt. With a hint of that cigarette scent and red wine. Yeah, I fantasize strangely.

... Well, I really shouldn't. Like they say, "don't look for love and it'll find you." So, I should stop looking for Mr. Right... Ha! Like I believe that one.

. . . . . posted:||10:50 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Ah, blogger. Long lost love... well, 24 hours lost but anyways

Currently got back from eating out. Applebee's. Patty melt with peppered fries and a virgin pina colada. Miscellanious conversations (with the family) in the intimate light fixtures where the lamps hang from the ceiling and give the sense that you're being interogated in some police station.

And, oh yes, my grandma sits across the table from me, looking like a deer in the headlights trying to decipher exactly what we're saying...

Regardless, I'm contented.

Earlier that evening was the church summer/spring concerto. For being a rather unorganized event (made ever so evident with all the rehearsal chaos) it went rather well. Sure, the whole point of the concert was the exhaultation of our illustrious diva-choir director Didi, but my group's solo song went great. Sure, we only sung one song due to the fact that half of our group only showed up, but oh well. We got a standing ovation, so that's all that matters.

Performing under the hot stage lights with the spotlight blinding me so I could only see the first three rows of audience, and moving with the up-tempo jazz beat... Made me realize that damn I miss performing! Sure, I could do without the show choir and extreme choreography. The stupid cuberbund and the neck strangling ties... they need to go.

Another stereotype of gayness that I follow, yes. I'm a theatre addict. I love acting. But, why did I choose to do art as my major then? Because I love art better than acting... Not to mention that halfway through the year I find out how much favoritism runs in that school. Still, I'm trying out for every goddamn show next year. Oh yeah!

. . . . . posted:||10:33 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Last day.

Rather surreal since this year's gone by so fast. Another unusual point that I've become more comfortable during the end of the year as opposed to becoming increasingly paranoid.

First exam was ceramics... and I was surprised that I had to take an exam for that class. So a quick study of 20 minutes and I'm set for the test. Now here's the part that pissed me off. Apparenly Mr. A didn't grade one of my projects, which could knock my 4.0 down to 3.9 or lower.... damn you, Mr. A.

Nothing too extraordinary during the break between exams. I hung out with my circle of friends. Bought a krispy kreme donut and a sprite for lunch. Bell rang, then I went to art.

Well, that exam was finished already so we had roughly 2 hours to waste. For the first hour I hung out with Lizzy-pooh and friends. S and I put the MoulinRouge cd into the player and began dancing to the tango track. Man, she can dip really well. 'Course, Liz had to try her hand at it... but wasn't as good as S. Later, M and I were tossing around a heavy bowling pin and she managed to throw the heavy thing into my thigh. Ouch.

Nearing the end of the day, Patrycka came to the room to say bye to the teacher. I went up to her and we talked for a bit before she asked me to walk with her "to whereever." Where ever turned out to be sitting in the quad under the shade of a big tree. We talked about a bunch of stuff; boys, types, artwork, how the year's gone by fast, etc. Several people came by us in passing and we talked with them. Right before everyone was about to be let out, the intercom turns on and after a few words from the Student Body president and principal, Pink Floyd's song about education comes on. Just as that song began, I look over to the other side of the quad and I see a bunch of students walking out of their class. It was a surreal moment and felt like everything would slow-down in that dramatic movie style.

Now, I can relax right? Wrong. I still have rehearsals today. Ech.

. . . . . posted:||4:37 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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"You make me come, you make me complete, you make me completely miserable." -LIT

Damn, I love that song.

Second to last day of school, and things are winding down. Today I said goodbye to all my senior friends since today was their last day here. Hard to believe that when I just get to know them, they have to leave. Considering how I hardly ever keep in touch with people from a distance (with those few exceptions), I might never be able to see them again. But oh well.

Speaking of sad goodbyes, watching the prom episode of American High... and the series is beginning to finally end. Watching the endless pagent of hoping, wondering, asking and waiting for an answer, then the endless beautification rituals both sexes must pursue before the event... Well, I've been wondering what my senior prom would be like. This year the lucky upperclassmen got to party over at the Luxor casino (the black pyramid one) instead of a typical one in a high-school gym. Ideally, it would be so much fun to have the big party in the observatory of the Stratosphere tower... but the space is far too confined. But perhaps it's best not to expect too much.

First test of the day? English. Relatively easy, a few questions with unknown answers, but my deductive reasonings let me figure out which answer was correct... hopefully. The pre-test evaluation sheet for the class was easily filled out. Naturally, Ms. Miller scored very high in my perspective, although we wasted so much time. What's interesting was hearing what she thought of our class on the first day (::pointing to different students:: attitude, attitude, attitude... they're dead) to how she thought now (::pointing to same students:: pushover, pushover, pushover, sarcastic... I like). I guess I have a tendency to forget that teachers have first-impressions of their classes on the first day much like the students for their teacher and classmates. At the end of the test, we attempted to watch the rest of A Midsummer Night's Dream, but was cut off during the great play scene. Damn.

Second exam was biology... done in an hour. The whole class that is. So, we have an extra hour to hang out and talk. I played many rounds of speed and bullshit with Leilani and friends. Won a lot (speed) and did ok (BS), being the avid cardgamer I am (when I'm bored I play spider solitare set on the highest difficulty... either that or freecell). It's easy to succeed in BS if you can read facial expressions easily. Yep. During the game playing, I had the soundtrack to MoulinRouge in my cd player and was listening to it. With his test done, Kevin S. comes over to where we sat and asked if he could listen to the cd (he's also another extreme MR fan). So, in the middle of a round of BS he raises the volume to max and starts singing one of the songs; "Come What May" sung by Nicole and Ewan. Actually knowing the songs, I start singing too (Ewan's part) and Kevin is singing the other one. Well, before we realize what's happening we've ended up singing to eachother... a love song no less. How interesting. Too bad there's no interest there, really there isn't.

Nearing the end of class, my bio teacher Ms. L comes over and she plays one round of BS with us (insisting on saying "you're kidding" than the actual term to be used) before quitting. So, final grade on the exam: 95. Not bad, not bad at all.

Afterschool, the family eats over at a casino buffet (good food, especially the potatoe pouches) and then to another casino closer to home. There, sis and I go watch Shrek (very disappointed since the earliest time for MR would've made us late for the evening's further plans) (but Shrek was actually a good movie... definitely NOT a kid's movie, but a good movie). After the movie, dad picks us up and we go home to warm up a bit before rehearsals.

Church next. 2 hour rehearsals under the bright stage light. Not fun. Leanne (fellow LVAer) became really bitchy when she found out that she lost half of the notes for her physics test. Ouch. So, I gave her a massage and temple rub to help calm her down. Too bad it didn't work so well, but at least she said that she felt slightly better.

Afterwards came the b-day celebration of my uncle at the chinese restaurant my family frequents on social gatherings (it's either that place or the illustrious Bucca di Bepo). Not much to note.

... Oh yes. During the "nutrition break" between exams I went with my sis and I to go buy the literae digest for this schoolyear. Very early in the year people submitted stories, poems, plays, and artwork to be used in the magazine. Judges had to pick out the pieces which showed artistic talent, imagery, intelligence, and complete loyalty to the expression of emotion. What I found rather interest (and quite the ego boost) was that my poem Streetlights at Supersonic Speeds made it... and I was the only freshman in the whole magazine. Wow. I feel honored...

But how some of the poems got into this magazine is beyond me! Well, have to write about that later when I've finished reading the whole damned thing.

. . . . . posted:||11:24 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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The great acceptance speech in the movie Get Real (currently watching it). Yes, despite the complete melodrama and over-played facial shots, it still digs deep into me whenever I see that scene. Strangely enough, the ending is reminiscent of Romeo and Juliet (or R and J) or possibly Orpheus where the guy finds the one he loves, loses him, finds him again, and loses him forever again.

Then again, this is still set only in the world of highschool where boundaries are set. Situations would most likely be different if the story took place during the college years, but then the ending wouldn't be as bittersweet nor the outcome completely impossible from the start.

Well, all I need to do is watch the rest of Sundance's OutLoud movies (Jeffery later tonight, then Alive and Kicking the next day, followed by Beau Travail, Chuck and Buck, The Delta, and Priscilla Queen of the Desert) and I'll have a nice way to occupy my summer hours (along with sitting outside in the new patio).

. . . . . posted:||1:56 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Paul's worried about being normal again. I can understand his position; people I don't know who appear to be more adjusted intimidate me. My hold on reality isn't as strong as it has been lately, what with my usual frustrations, finals, and watching the potential of bohemia in Moulin Rouge.

Strangely, all this applies to the book I'm currently reading (Herman Hesse's Demian) where the main character has his childhood foundations of a pure existance and belief in God shaken and ultimately decimated through his acquaintances. Beginning with a regular ruffian who blackmails him for a crime he didn't even commit, to a new boy in his school (Mr. Demian) who teaches him the faults in the bible's stories (primarily Cain and Abel and the Crucifixion) and basically challenges the main character into more gnostic beliefs. The part where I am in the book, the boy now is in his first year in a boarding school and suffering from the trials of puberty when he talks with an upperclassmen who reveals the hidden pleasures of the town around them. Damn, Hesse you are good.

Third day of finals. I had Japanese and Health.

Japanese was extremely easy; only missed questions concerning the subject/transportation/etc. particles. 97 on a final isn't all that bad, no?

Health... long and tedious. About 90% of the questions I knew, but there was a relatively ample amount of material I forgot to cover or that she didn't tell us we were going to need to study. I'm doing well enough in that class to afford a B on the test and still maintain a 4.0 GPA (yep, self-ego-inflation is fun).

Right now I have the BtVS:The Album playing and the workers are outside wiring the electricity for the fan that's going to be outside (grandma's paying for this so she can have almost as many luxuries as she wishes) and I'm so enjoying seeing them work. There's this guy in particular (brown hair, green eyes) who keeps looking at me through the window sometimes and smiles at me. Naturally I smile back.

. . . . . posted:||12:54 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Call me pathetic if you wish, but the fact that no one has written a page-long entry in my yearbook makes me feel... unloved. Heh, quite the emotion to get at the very end of the year, no?

. . . . . posted:||1:15 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
*warning* frustration post

It seems that I need to find more balance in my life again.

With all the realism drawing I've been doing, I decided I need to get back to my roots and nurture the creativity side.

So, on a not too smoldering afternoon such as today (well, technically yesterday) I sat outside under the almost finished patio shade. The outside stereo is lightly playing some bossa nova, a glass of cool iced tea on the small table next to my chair, and a sketchbook on my lap... I began to draw.

But nothing good came of it.

Sure, I was able to draw guys in... ahem, compromising situations/positions. That's all I ever draw these days. Not content with the appearance of the people (they seemed too much like anime) I tried returning to my styles of old. I can't even draw wings like I did not too long ago when they came naturally and in abundance. I've lost my knack for surrealism which I cherished so... and I'm worried that I'll become another typical contemporary artist.

I need another new approach to looking at life.

(p.s. Asked my sis about whether I should try out for that show on MTV. As expected, she said "I dunno" with a twinge of "don't even think about it" and shot my confidence down a deep hole. But you know what, I'm gonna do it anyways. Before I change my mind.)

. . . . . posted:||1:01 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Need a wad pulling break from the banging hot sun, the porno-translation of this page. I'm thinking of keeping a permanent link of that version on my site. Hmm... now if only I could remember the address for Jesusfying a page...

Lately I've had an urge for extreme hygiene. Today, after I got home from school, I had a nice, long shower. Then, I shaved (again), washed my face with facial cleanser, brushed vigorously for ten minutes, punished myself with mouthwash, aprocot scrubbed my neck, and now I'm sitting with a lemon-creme-aspirin zit-removal facial mask. All I need is a manicure and nailpolish treatment (along with two cucumber slices for my eyes) and I'll be set.... oh wait, I already did the nails... and the manicure... damn. I look like the revenge of the gingerbread man... now covered in frosting.

Finals week began today, and that means that school's over thursday. Strange thing is, I don't want it to end! This year's gone by so fast, I hardly had time to enjoy myself (which I plan to do next year). In the beginning I still had all my preconceptions of always acting "cool" from my hellish middleschool experience. Now, I'm more honest with everyone (including the person in the mirror) and I act almost as freely as I've always wanted to be.

You know... one of the people who shoot down my at-times completely insane and extravagant ideas/outfit layouts/ accesory seletion/etc. is my sis. Don't get me wrong, I love her lots... but her indecisivity is completely contagious. The main thing that's keeping me from emailing MTV inquirying about their up-coming episode of TrueLife: I'm Coming Out are her concerns for how the family will take it. Really, I want to come out, but I think my parents already know. Hell, my mom read the comments on my yearbook (invasion of privacy) so she probably got some big hints. I'm pissed that I'm letting her weigh me down... even now she's making remarks suggesting that I'm always on the prowl for cute guys... which I am, but not the completely unattainable ones. I don't oggle the screen everytime a cute one comes in.

And goddammit! I'm jealous of Ewan McGregor! Not only is he hot as hell, has a sexy accent/voice, amazing actor, stunning eyes, but he can friggin sing~! If only I were so lucky... but I only have few saving graces. Which isn't saying a lot since I give everyone high expectations.

. . . . . posted:||3:48 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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(via Joey.com)
I'm considering submitting my info for the episode of MTV's TrueLife about coming out. Who knows, you might see me on TV sometime. That's if I ever try for it... hmm... comments, anyone?

((on a side note, it seems that I've already passed my 100th post mark...in the span of 6 months meaning an average of...1.25 posts a day. Hm))

. . . . . posted:||11:28 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Holy shit. Watch Moulin Rouge now, all of you!

First let me take this time to express my gratitude to the director.... Bahz Luhrman, you are an effing genius! The complete lush use of color, set design, costume, camera angle, lighting, set the mood...

This is by far one of the best musicals I have ever seen (performed or filmed). It keeps with the tradition of musicals using reprises, crescendos on the final refrain, a pouring flood of orchestration during the film's most dramatic parts... and yes, a scene involving butlers dancing with dining napkins (to "Like a Virgin" no less).

Now, one of the most erotic moments in my movie-going experience (the most being all of Henry and Jude) has got to be the grand tango scene. It's very rare for me to get turned on without showing some skin, and the fact that this segment shows little-to-no flesh (this is still a PG-13 movie kiddies) and still made me break out in a cold sweat... damn, Luhrman rocks!

I'm looking forward (and definetly contributing) to the time when this movie becomes a cult classic.

Went to see the movie with a couple of friends: Liz, Lauren, Wendy, and Sarah (who all brought along people to watch too). Before the movie started, Lauren pointed out this hot blonde fem-ish-guy who was sitting near the front. So, when I had to go to the bathroom for a quick break, I took the route that went infront of the boy... a completely out of the way trip since he was up front and we occupied the last row. Everyone didn't get too crazy during the movie like we planned (the sing-a-long to Lady Marmalade was cut short since the song's only used for about a minute)... but I intend to during my next viewing. Yes, we will make this movie an effing cult classic!

Mmm... Well, I'm glad I took a rose bath before the movie. Now I wreak of cigarette smoke... which is a bit of a turn on for me, but only if the smell is very slight. I don't appreciate people exhaling carbon monoxide in my face.

"I only speak the truth!"

. . . . . posted:||9:32 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Hmmm... Sarah Michelle Gellar was awesome in Simply Irresistable, no? It's been forever since I saw that movie, and when I saw it today on HBO I feel inlove with it all over again. Sure, there were a lot of inconsistancies in the movie, but it was a silly love story. No rhyme or reason needed, huh? The peach looks most appetizing, god I wish I could cook well. Don't get me wrong, I'm a decent cook. Just nothing special.

I've been getting music on Napster for the majority of the day. Recently, I acquired a majority of the soundtrack to Castlevania:Symphony of the Night. God, I love that videogame so much. Despite the now pixellated look of the sprites, the story was amazing, the artwork is incredible, gameplay sophisticated, the music lush and incredible. Mmm... They should make another game like that with the same amount of finesse.

Today marked the beginning of the backyard patio. The workers came early in the morning and just recently left. Well, there's one thing that can make up for being awakened at 7:00am to the sound of a loud hammer: seeing both workers setting the foundation and looking incredibly hot. Purr!

Saw Edge of Seventeen last night. Man, I am so loving cable! I can't believe all those queer movies out there that I've missed. This particular one (and Trick) are by far my personal favorites... The Incredible Story of True Girls in Love comes a close third.

. . . . . posted:||11:58 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Hm... seriously contemplating making a shrine to OurLadyPeace. Yes, I love them a lot.

. . . . . posted:||12:05 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Well, it's nearing midnight today. And quite the day it has been.

Ceramics: Finished up my teapot. Talked with friends. Old hat, and nothing much else.

Art: Finished my essay final in about half an hour, so I had the remaining hour-n-half to work on my colored pencil. Did I? Not really. I don't need to actually since this one's just for fun. So, when everyone was finally finished, I just passed around my yearbook a bit and had some people sign it.

English: Watched the 1968 BBC version of A Midsummer Night's Dream. Horrible film quality, and the transitions were only deliteful if mocked. The only saving grace this film had was the Bottom's donkey mask. To stay awake, I sat on the floor and chatted/mock commentary with my other friends sitting with me. To cleanse myself later, I went and watched the newest version of AMSND. Despite the hacking/resequencing/rewriting of the script, it was quite good. The added character depth to the characters (specifically Bottom) were quite refreshing.

Heatlh: Finished my review sheet, listened to Incubus, and wrote in my leather-bound book about my cursive (written in cursive no less). If I find the time, I'll scan it for posterity.

The great Iron Chef battle was on today, and personally I'm glad team "All French" won. Their dishes were quite impressive, and I had such an aching after watching them that I decided to whip up a quick scallop sautee (which turned out rather nicely). Yes, being a chef would be loads of fun, no?

Currently watching Storytellers: Matchbox 20 on VH1. I adore their new album, despite the relative absence of any happy songs. But whoever said it had to have any?

Tomorrow promises to be interesting.

. . . . . posted:||11:52 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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