::mumble mumble possible cute choir major freshman mumble mumble::

Get home at 2:30-ish, fall alseep by 3:00, wake up at 8:00, sleep again at 12:00. And people wonder why I'm a nocturnal creature...

"You're probably wondering why he's hording snacks; I'm hypoglycemic, I get munchy attacks."

Currently watching Restoration; an exquisitely detailed period piece from the baroque era of large swooping wigs and fake moles/ beauty marks. Mein gott I wish people would take that much luxury when preparing parties. Then again, if I want extensive luxury I can just visit some of my friends' more high-end houses. (Damn you Matt and your dad's several cases of Don Pergnon)

"You gotta get a gimmick if you wanna get ahead!"

I'm thinking of auditioning for this school year's extensive productions... but the roster isn't quite my cup of tea. There's Honk (a musical based on the Ugly Duckling story), Dance M--something, Hello Dolly... and other stuff. The upcoming audition on Tuesday requires that I act like an animal... but one, I have no list of the ones you can do, and two I'm not sure I can stay after that particular day. Dammit.

Currently grooving on my tape of Hey! Mr. Producer.

... goddamn, I need to turn down the flames.

. . . . . posted:||11:13 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Ever wondered how far American Beauty could have taken the level of sheer evil/ urban taboo? Watch "Crime and Punishment in SubUrbia." Scary.

. . . . . posted:||5:11 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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.. .shiite. #675 already?!

. . . . . posted:||5:07 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
My neck smells like the Altoid cologne I bought; a refreshing scent.

My clothes smell like the sights, sounds, and colors of school; a nostalgic scent.

The kitchen smells of canola oil and lumpia; a familiar scent.

The parchment smells of camomile and lillies; an elegant scent.

The ink well smells laquer; a soothing scent.

The room smells of frankinsense; and calming scent.

The pillow smells of springtime endless sweeping fields; a scent that says "welcome home."

And all is right in the world for now.

. . . . . posted:||5:07 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
So, in the tradition of others before me and those to follow afterwards, here's an almost blow-by-blow narration of my first day back in the halls of LVA.

Japanese II H
English II H
Photography I
World History H
Algebra II H
Chemistry I H
Visual Design II

Before school started sis and I waited out in the open middle grounds waiting for Wendy to show up. We met a lot of our friends from last year, said hi to a bunch of people, gawked at eachother's new looks, and tried to syphon out this year's freshmen batch... Which was quite hard seeing that they were, on average, taller than my class was and there for blended in better.

During homeroom, met up with Rica, Danica, Taiter, and others. Turned in the necessary forms, got more that needed to be signed, and then we were sent off to our first class.

In Japanese Bernau sensei (who now uncanningly resembles the female news caster for Fujisankei news) said how grown up we all looked. John wasn't in the class and neither was Valyn so that disappointed me; not to mention Kyle was there this time 'round. I was a bit surprised when I saw a freshmen in the class, but that means he must be exceptionally bright in Japanese to skip a class... a hypothesis that was disproved when he fumbled up speaking nihongo. Tomorrow we have to introduce ourselves to the class in japanese a la the "new student" style.

English promises to be a fun class. Got my old teacher from last time so I felt really comfortable with her. Wendy was in the same class along with Danica, Steph, Tiyahna, Gevie, and a couple of others. Nothing too remarkable about that class.

Photo class... BIG relief. The teacher from last year is gone and now a better, less-asshole-esque one has taken his place. She seems to be doing well for her first year at the school... have that class with Lauren and Leah's friend, but no one else in there I know very well.

World History... a.k.a. Queensville. I'll get to that part later. I have a feeling that this, next to art, will be my favorite class of the year. Lauren's in it along with Jen, Liz, Leilani, Claire, Eric, and Joey. Careers teacher from last year is now teaching the class which will flavor the period with her monotonous, "Daria" sarcasm. But... well, the level of sheer queer flamboyance in the room is staggering. Joey himself is a strong enough presence which is complimented by the support of his two best consorts in the room. Add Eric to the equation with his own set of "fag hags" and... you get the idea. It seems like fun at first, but I fear it'll become very tiresome.

Algebra has nothing of interest to say besides that the teacher teaches with puppet animals.

Chemistry promises to be interesting. Lauren's there accompanied with 50% of the room occupied by theater majors. Leah's there, but I couldn't find a seat near her to just sit and chat with. Jyl and Marcy are there, along with Brady. The teacher though... she can't teach worth shit. Taking the word of my classmates who had her last year... I have I feeling I'll be consulting my textbook far more often. As opposed to my last science teacher who, despite the backbreaking mountains of homework, worksheets, and tests, did manage to pound the entire textbook into my head. Sigh.

Art... not too thrilled with the people in the class. I can associate with Patrycka, Gen, Cassy, mi hermana, and Raven, but the other set of people like Mike, Dominique, and Melissa. Stupid hyper-attitude-sensitive egotistical artists... The new teacher's not so bad... but she does seem a bit apprehensive. Oh well.

And so far, no prospective freshmen. Damn.

. . . . . posted:||4:24 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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It's interesting that Paul brought up the question of why people want to know about the initimate lives of their favorite authors. Recently I've learned that Christopher Rice's new novel is due this February, and I decided to try out his first novel's website. That led me to an FAQ page with many insightful answers to some questions I've wondered myself.

But I digress. To Paul's question, I have my own answer. Humans, by our very nature, are voyeuristic people; notice all the reality TV shows being produced? We aren't content with our own lives so we want to see what's going on in the lives of other people. By doing that some people learn from others mistakes and sort of give themselves therapy in the process. With most forums of voyeurism (i.e. a celebrity in the media's spotlight) we are set apart from the subject being studied yet are empathetic to them. Sometimes, like the use of blogs and online journals, we can interact with those people in a familiar and less threatening situations. Then there's Paul's own explaination about wanting to figure out the psycological map of the author's mind. Some use that method to, following their mentor's example, try to look back into their lives to find the inspiration those other authors achieved. Or they're merely curious.

Which, seemingly, is the underlining drive to why humans are so voyeuristic, curious, and generally inquisitive... the question "Why?"

. . . . . posted:||9:49 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Screw the weird looks people'll give me (including the parents). I'm gonna watch Come Undone when it comes over to Las Vegas. The director just made that film look too beautiful to resist.

I'm tired. I need sleep. Which doesn't make sense since, in the middle of the night, I woke up, watched some french news show, then went back to sleep.

Nothing interesting to write about... Well, not entirely true. I do have something interesting to say, but I want to be fully awake before writing anything about it.

And why the hell is my entire family being eccentric as of late?

. . . . . posted:||5:00 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Oh, and another thing I finally got done. I got the photos from dinner developed. Very disappointed that the shutter speed was so low that some of the photos ment to be clear were blurred (as opposed to my desired photo-blur) but that might prove to become interesting backgrounds.

Next time we eat there as a group I'm bringing my camera and I'll take better photos. That place has great natural lighting anyways.

. . . . . posted:||10:32 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Busy busy busy. Damned start of the new school year errands.

Got hair cut, two shirts, new wallet, "punk blue" nail polish, new watch (predecessor was broken down till the last hole became an indent), and twenty sticks of incense. Contemplated getting some rose-scented oil but thought better of it.

Two interesting things happened while at the mall. While waiting for the females of the family to finish browsing this shop, I sat outside the store on one of those benches people sit on. Just about 5 minutes later, during my viewing of the lower first level's comings and goings, an old lady strikes up a conversation with me about: the weather (cliche), football (dyke), her girlfriend (knew it). I just did what I always do when feigning a conversation; smile, nod, and follow with an occasionaly yep.

While talking I was watching all the people below. Specifically the two guys running the "Zoomcopter" booth. One guy was stuck shooting the toy around to show how it works for about 30 minutes and then they switch. At one point the guy not stuck throwing the hunk of plastic around stretched himself out on the cushioned benches below, turned onto his side, and reading something. When it came to switching, the other guy came over. From what I can tell, the other one didn't wanna go up, so the other other guy started pleading really adorably... i.e. he started scratching his stomach, nibbling on his ear, etc. etc. Finally the other guy gave in and planted a peck on the other's cheek. That was cute.

Later, during dinner, I had something disturbingly good. In the front they had a displace of a chocolate cake. What makes this one different? It has a foot diameter and stands at a foot and a half high containing some peanuts, chocolate fudge, dark chocolate batter, and chocolate frosting in between. The only thing that made eating this monster possible (and it's only a 16th of the cake slice) was the vanilla a la mode that came with...

When I got home I felt so sick I believe I vomited out all of the cake. Blech.

Tomorrow's citizenship card photo and meeting with lawyers to sign the papers for the citizenship applications. How the hell am I suppose to fit in an oil painting session in all this?!

... okee, I need to go. Feeling sick again.

Good cake. Bad consequences.

. . . . . posted:||10:29 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
... ugh.

I hate the fact that I get jealous alot.

And right now the green giant of envy is waving his middle finger at Matt for being basically an achieved genius.

Not like the slacker genius type that populates my dad's side of the family tree.

.... :(

Saw Blood: The Last Vampire at Sputnik7.com. Beautiful artwork, character designs, characterizations, and energetic fight scenes... Then again, what else can you expect from the team who did Ghost in the Shell?

Been on a Sonic: The Hedgehog nostalgia trip; played all my sonic games I've accumulated throughout the years. From the very first Sonic to Sonic & Knuckles (also including Sonic Pinball and Sonic CD). Been quite interesting.

. . . . . posted:||2:23 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Confirmation class is going to be LONG this year. All for the sake of keeping the family honor, I have to suffer 31 weeks to be "cemented" into a religion I don't believe in.

Thing about catholicism is that it's a religion as much on habit as it is on faith. Thus people who don't really believe in all that the catholic church teaches still go to church or find themselves praying before dinner, bed, sex, etc.

. . . . . posted:||9:02 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . posted:||7:51 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Word of advice: never attempt to make conversation while trying to watch something the other person's intent on watching.

I was going to exhult the Madonna HBO concert I saw last night, but I feel asleep. Luckily, I had the foresight to tape it so I was watching that earlier this morning. 'Course, my dad came down and attempted to make "friendly conversation" with me. I found it extremely annoying and wished him to fuck off (but I'd never say that out loud). When I don't answer one of his questions, he throws a pillow at my head and starts getting pissy in return because he wanted a answer. How the fuck am I suppose to do that if I could only understand half the words he says?

Bugger off eccentric parents. I'm pissed.

(And this goes out to the extreme FOB's out there: do NOT effing state the obvious every goddamn five minutes! I hate it when I'm trying to watch something about a dog and my mom/ dad/ grandma/ etc. says something like "Look! It's a dog!" I fucking know it's a dog already. Trust me to know what the hell I'm watching.)

. . . . . posted:||7:20 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Yep, I totally agree. But, to lift the overall depressing feeling of shock and betrayal (well, to some people anyways) here's what Matt and I had to say whilst on the phone earlier today:
M: That must really suck.
S: I know. It's gonna be like Selena all over again.
M: Yep.
S: The weird thing is the last movie she made.
M: Really? How so?
S: In it (Queen of the Damned) she plays a skanky, blood-sucking bitch-vamp-goddess.
M: Oh.
S: What's worse is the reaction of the audience when she comes out in her lingerie-splendor.
M: Huh?
S: "Dude she's hot!" "Yeah, but where is she right now?" "Six feet under." "Oh... that sucks. She was hot."
M: Speaking of which, do you watch that HBO show?
S: What? You mean those autopsy documentaries?
M: No, that's sick.
S: Oh... then you mean Six Feet Under?
M: Yep
S: That is an effing good show

... and the conversation continues. Yeah, not really something to help huh?

I'm just hoping the Madonna concert will lift up my spirits a bit.

. . . . . posted:||5:24 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Christian Cordella. Wow. Artwork. Wow.

Tasting the freeway for the first time was... exhilarating. Granted a bunch of really rude people kept blowing their horn at me (there's a reason why it says student driver on the top asshole!). And parallel parking... not as hard as everyone makes it out to be. But right now... my coccyx hurts from all the siting.

Madonna concert tonight. Hell yeah!

. . . . . posted:||3:11 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
MTV News Online - Aaliyah Killed In Plane Crash.

... that sucks ass. That really sucks ass.

. . . . . posted:||5:57 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Uh... So tired.

LaserQuest was okay. Only Alanna and her two friends showed up (Jaron came by but whilst we were playing so he thought we weren't there) so we were thankful for the handful of people who were playing the same game. One of the games consisted of us five along, so a lot of backstabbing ensued. The last game we played I managed to get to 2nd place. Whoo.

C came 'round later, chatted with the group for a bit before dragging sis and I to dinner at RoadHouse Grill. There we met up with Jaron who had already eaten with his family. Matt somehow managed to get a ride over and we sat down to eat. Not much stuff happened outside of the usual vaudevale antics. Everyone had dessert since most of them ate already. I however had my fillet mignon, mashed potatoes, and sauteed mushrooms. Good stuff.

Dinner concluded and I had a little bit of my food boxed up for later purposes. Jaron went off with his family and the remaining four of us went in search of Rio Tan, the place where stepcousin Joe works. After several directional mistakes (mainly going to the wrong side of the strip mall) we ended up at the tanning salon just after Joe's boss left ("So that's about perfect timing"). Chatted with him, smelled the different tanning lotions for sail, talked about upcoming concerts and other events. At one point I started discribing the disturbing time sis and I spent at VegasStuds.com "encountering" C's stalker who works there. Whilst describing the things people say ("oH bAbY i WaNt To SeE YoUr C0ck" etc.) a lady came 'round at an ackward moment. At that point we all decided to take our conversations outside where the tanners wouldn't eavesdrop.

Parents drove Matt and C home, things happened in the van a bit, but I'll get to that in a bit. Afterwards, went home and now here I am.

Ever heard of the term UST? It's an acronym for Unresolved Sexual Tension coined by fanfic/slashfic writers. And boy does our group have it big time. Being apart from everyone for so long and finally getting everyone together only showed it more.

For instance, Matt. He likes C to an almost stalker level; gave her an impressive looking but fake necklace while on the ride home. He sits next to her at the table booth we sat at, and finds an excuse to scoot a bit closer to her when he can. However, C's infatuation is focused on step-cousin Joe and the obvious flirtation between the two kept Matt silent for most of the time at the tanning salon.

Personally, I'd prefer it if C was pining over Matt. But I can understand the difference in appeal. Matt: no musical background except on and off piano lessons which leave him half-heartedly playing, freshmen. Joe: drummer/singer/guitarist of (several) punk bands and can play rather well, has a job, college freshmen at 17.

But seeing that glint in Matt's eyes when he's talking to C... That just stirs things up a bit. It's that shadow of lingering attraction to a former extreme infatuation that's becoming more apparent. But no, those feelings must remain platonic. I won't resort to drastic measures to try to get him, since I know by pulling the right strings and waiting for that moment of rejection I can catch him off the rebound. Nope, strictly friends... goddamn relapse.

(p.s. that was harsh, Lizzy. impersonating someone just to tease me. I doubt stephen would appreciate it either)

. . . . . posted:||10:12 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
And thus he sat infront of the computer waiting for the driving instructor to come by. At about 10:00am he'll ring the doorbell, sis'll come in and say a word or two about how it went before crashing on the couch. I'll have my go at the car then.

But paying $240 for a total of 6 hours to learn how to drive just to relieve oneself from the burden of teaching your kids yourself doesn't seem completely reasonable.

Then again, how reasonable have I ever been?

. . . . . posted:||9:48 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Well, new layout design finished. I got the idea for this after searching for hours on the 'net just trying to find vintage, turn-of-the-century photos. Recently I've been getting into these old photos just for their compositioning styles and use of lighting unique to that era alone.

But the initial inspiration to make this into a new layout came from listening to Placebo's "My Sweet Prince" repeatedly for almost three hours.

And I have driving lessons at 8:00am. Awake in the morning... on a saturday. That's just not right.

. . . . . posted:||12:40 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Can't help but notice the similarities between Steven and Mr. McGregor in these photos.

Sometimes I feel like I'm stationary and the world spins around me. Like in the video for the remake of "Across the Universe" with Fiona Apple, but in color and not nearly as slow.

. . . . . posted:||4:56 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Well, thanks to this rant I now have something worthwhile to comment on.

First off, the writer has completely blown the proportions of his troubles to a gigantic scale. The descriptions he uses about his ex-beau and other associate females is, at best, slanderous. He takes to detailing all of their ugliest traits including the extreme sexual-promiscuity within his circle of friends.

Once more, regarding his accumulation of stressor points from all the bad events in his life. The whole entry (including the succeeding one) piles all of his troubles to resemble a camel and straw situation; much like the producers of The Real World and other reality shows. If this were happening in the span of 6 months... that's understandable. However, the compilation of 5 years' worth of pain that only points out the major quams conveys that he's just using it as a vehicle for furthering his views.

It's understandable that he's still quite bitter about things. However, he should know that those he verbally bludgeoned are no more the victim or villan than he is.

He just needs to learn when, how, and why those blames should/need to be balanced.

. . . . . posted:||4:37 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
New blog design in the works. This time 'round, no frames. Just semi-simplistic regalities.

. . . . . posted:||1:02 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Dashboard Confessional: The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most: Pitchfork Review. Grrr... Definetly do not agree with the reviewer on this one... and just read the review for everything else I don't agree with.

. . . . . posted:||8:20 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I'm in the mood for rum-soaked tiramisu (thanks for the mentioning duck) or love.

The oysters for dinner will not help much either.

. . . . . posted:||5:57 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Ugh... looks like half of the people in my summerschool group can't go to our planned outing on saturday. 'Course, that didn't stop us celebrating at Buca a lil while back... I just hope that more people can make it.

On the other hand, we don't really want to overwhelm the staff of the restaurant with our insane requests. Hmm... I wonder if they have strawberries instead of cherries.

In other news, I fear I'm becoming more eccentric. Today I slept away downstairs. No, not on the couch. I moved the coffee table to the side, got about 10 pillows and a large comforter, and just clonked out on the carpet rug.

At some point I was woken up to discuss my upcoming choices in elective classes with my counsellor on the phone. For some reason or other mom got extremely pissy because sis was being hesitant. I hate how she has a short fuse... especially over petty things like being more forward about things.

Then I went back to sleep.

. . . . . posted:||5:23 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Feeling better, but don't feel like writing much today. Sorry.

. . . . . posted:||8:59 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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I hate understanding the messages my body sends out. For instance, I know I'm really worse off right now. Whenever I'm on the verge of crying (for whatever reason) I feel pressure on my nose, behind my eyeballs, and my eyelids get sore. If I have a good cry my bad mood generally goes away. But right now all I feel are the tell-tale signs but my eyes are dry. That's not going to be good.

I feel like calling someone up and just sing broadway songs with them. But no one can or won't sing.

. . . . . posted:||11:26 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Well... auditions didn't go too well.

First off, vocal range. My throat just decided to be like Desert Valley so my voice became quite coarse. What's more, my falsetto didn't kick in so I couldn't sing that last top octave I know I can hit.

Pitch finding was... okay. Like I said, my perfect pitch was a little bit flat. Some of those patterns were VERY hard to sing; involving flats and sharps galore.

The sing-along with Patty (the choir director) was... again mediocre. I did fine in the beginning but thanks to a certain someone who will not be mentioned (*coughMichaelcough*) I learned the wrong ending to the song from last season's choir... which means I royally fucked up this one.

As for my audition song... it went pretty well. My pitch wavered a bit on a few notes and I ended on an extremely sharp note... Blech.

I could tell Patty was NOT impressed at all. Especially with the vocally-taught singer who came before my sis and I. Definetly not a good way to start the new season.

Later, dad was in quite the mood. Meaning, he was more eccentric and more condescending than usual. Mix the sour mood my sis and I had that day and you can feel the sparks of tension. Fuck you, dad. I feel like feeding my fist into your mouth...

Okay, calming down.

Saw The Deep End with the family. Intriguing story, amazing characters and direction. Definetly do NOT agree that it surpasses The Talented Mr. Ripley like my father vehemiantly believes. I'm surprised we went to see it though... then again, I don't think the parent's knew what the story was about completely. 'Course, I read the review in XY and was a bit more enthusiastic about seeing it.

Personally, I would've prefered seeing The Closet but I'm not old enough yet. Shit.

Need to rescheduel the final group outing before school. Stupid people and their other lives. Not to mention I'm not looking forward to the driving and piano lessons to come.

Goddammit. Grandma's home and the household's strings are about to pop.

. . . . . posted:||11:07 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Urgh... Had a strange dream betwixt the hours of 9:00am and 1:00pm. The details are sketchy at best right now... Something to do with getting dressed up for a wedding/banquet, brides kissing their groom's guitar before a duel (Utena anyone?), me pulling about twenty swords out of Eric D., cardboard cars driven by cannibalistic penguins (a la the penguin shirt), and something about Turkey Spam. I'll definetly have to consult my book of dream symbols for this one.

Weird thing is, besides the actual dream itself, is how I woke up. For some odd reason I kept "Nobody's Perfect" from Madonna's new cd on repeat. Just before I was getting ready for a duel (in the dream) a nearby radio starts playing that song and I realise that I was just dreaming. Hn.

Earlier today I contemplated making a musicvideo using clips from the Utena movie and Placebo's "My Sweet Prince". Then I looked at the 5+ minutes of the song and thought otherwise.

I so wish I could work on my painting today. Alas... audition. Voice is getting better now with the proper vocal warm-up exercises. Still... I'm pissed at how much my pop vocalizations have deteriorated. As much as I love to sing... there's no way in funky hell that I'm gonna join a school choir. Not even the Grammy-winning choir I have at my school! (gratuitous plug)

I think I'll down a lot of honey right now to prevent my throat from getting scratched up. Excuse me.

. . . . . posted:||3:25 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Ugh... I can't sing as well as I used to. My tone has basically been shot to hell and my vocalizations have become strangely fuzzy. I'm having second thoughts about auditioning... today. It's just about 13 more hours till my audition time. And "My Funny Valentine" doesn't sound well at all.

But I can't practice till later in the day. Otherwise I'll wake up the household. Not to mention that I severely need a piano; my perfect pitch is getting off.

. . . . . posted:||3:54 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
... I need to get back to my regular school-sleeping pattern. Being up at odd hours of the night and later expecting people to be online is quite the hassel. Not to mention I now have the tendency to sleep through some of my favorite TV programs (Murder in Small Town X, Stargate SG-1, etc.) which really annoys me since I was looking forward to this week's shows! >.<

Grandma's back, but I slept through her return home. Feels like the household is building up tension again... Damn.

Good news, though, is that I've hardly seen any cockroaches 'round. Either I've scared them away, or I've killed a majority of them. I'm hoping it's the latter one.

... There's another one. 'Scuse me for a bit.

. . . . . posted:||2:53 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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... okay, I give up on the Dark Angel M/L WinSkin. I don't have the patience to actually give the design something different and the existence of one extremely impressive No Doubt skin is very discouraging. That and the process is zapping my patience reserves.

Damn. Grandma cometh back today. Quiet days of relatively non-existant annoyances are at an end.

Which is pretty funny because, while having a "conversation" with her (read:she nags, I say "yes grandma") the mood ring I had on went three shades more to the stressed out side. See? I have a reason to keep away from her; she increases the possibility of having a headache.

Total body count for the night: 30 baby roaches and 5 adults.

Now I must sleep and later speak with Matt about the plans for the final group outing before school starts.

(for those of you who might participate, it's scheduled so far for Saturday at about 4:00pm or 5:00pm at LaserQuest. Following that will be dinner at the Roadhouse Grill so bring some money to pay for food.)

. . . . . posted:||7:13 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
You know what? Cockroaches are vampires. For instance, here is my now very well practiced technique for killing the really large roaches:

1) scare the bug around till it comes scurrying towards you
2) with a pair of scissors, snap at the cockroach so the head and/or upper abdomen is severed from the posterior
3) cover the posterior end with a cup or other container before it starts scurrying off in whichever way
4) with a BBQ stick, pike the center of the other half of bug and flush down the toilet.

See? All we need now is the garlic, crucifixes, blood, and some moans of "my love" from the bug before I stake it. Yep, quite the vampire.

On another subject, I absolutely love the updated version of Fame known as Center Stage. Then again, I just love any movie about dance and is done well.

Only gripe about it: the movie proves that you can do anything and be anybody... when you're a beauty. Yep... that unspoken rule of society sucks.

. . . . . posted:||6:06 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
... Shiite. Already approaching #650 (this one's #644). In about the timespan of a month... Thankfully (well, sort of) school will reduce the number of mini-posts to condense it into long long LONG posts that'll have your eyes begging for mercy NYAHAHAHA!!!.... yeah, I find those things annoying too.

. . . . . posted:||3:40 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
... Really, why does the USA have to be such a violent country? Afterall, compared to a majority of those in Europe, we have less sexual content and over-compensate with graphic violence. For example, every single year there has to be at least one movie about war. Usually about World War 2.

Not to discredit or ignore the severity of World War 2, but while that period in history is remembered because of it's bloody history, so many other moments go unmentioned or unnoticed to eventually be lost to the sands of time. Many people are convinced that after a war like that one, there will never be a war soaked in blood of that magnitude. Even my father and I reach an almost feverious debate on the likeliness of there ever being one. "It's impossible to want war after something like that happens." Then again that's what they said after World War 1; the "War to End All Wars" eh?

On another note, Rica and Mia were suppose to meet me at the mall earlier today, and they didn't show up. When we get home at around 7:00pm, there's a message on the machine from what sounds like Rica. Unfortunately there was too much noise in the back that I could hardly make out what was being said. The only thing I could make out was "We didn't know when we were suppose to meet so..." and more noise. Time of the message: 4:35pm. 3 hours and 35 minutes from when we were suppose to meet.

And thus I was stuck walking around for about an hour before finding my mom and sis and then spending the rest of my 6 hour stay at the mall. No, I'm not mad. Just writing it down for the record.

. . . . . posted:||1:45 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Ack. Extra congrats/ hugs go out to Paul who'll face the incredible task of taming the younger minds in the class he'll be teaching. May he find a courage equal to the hatred I have for cockroaches... okay, that was weird.

Worse thing about the cockroach situation, to change the subject, the cockroach nest is probably located either under the grandfather clock or directly under this piece of machinery here. Gaah.

. . . . . posted:||12:37 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Grrr... alright, this is a generic shout-out to all those people I've been (or am) obsessed over: "Stay the hell away from me!"

Let's see... saw Drew at the movies with Nick (not necessarily together), Mike at the bookstore today, Eric from summer school at LensCrafter, Danny in the food court, and Travis I literally bumped into at the Vans store.

Feeling all the old heart throbs and resurrecting butterflies isn't something I wanna do today.

. . . . . posted:||7:35 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Blue Man Group good. Hilarious. Recycled paper. Mini-rave at the end with as sea of "toilet paper". Reminds me of the foam dances on Ibiza.

Stopped by the Sephora cosmetics shoppe in the Aladdin's mall. Sis and I went make-up crazy and spent about half an hour trying to find me a new cologne. Despite the different stuff I wanted to get, we settled on getting only two things: two uni-sex colognes scented like brownies and Altoids. Yes everyone, there is Altoid-scented cologne. At one point I decided to mix the two. The resulting scent was chocolate mint (like the kind they give out at Sizzlers with the check).

No luck seeing my Fallen Angel again. Damn! There was a plethora of excessively cute guys... but your appetite becomes more sophisticated and it gets harder to overlook the small differences (bad hair, baggy eyes, slightly mismatched clothes, etc.). Chatted with a relatively cute one while at Sephora about the perfect shade of "punk blue" for nailpolish.

For some reason my dad was extra hyper/jack-ass, my mom detesting anyone with an extreme FOB accent, and my sister feet-whiny.

Exhausted from all the walking (total of about 3 miles in under 3 hours). Need to rest. 'night.

. . . . . posted:||10:25 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Hmm... at 5:20-ish am I'm trying to gather energy for the day, watching Flower Drum Song on the tv, and am making a new playlist.

First, Flower Drum Song. Sure, it's almost a cookie-cutter version of every single musical/comedy/romance film of tha era. Complete with the love triangles, meddling parents, and dance/dream sequence with lots and lots of... um, sequince. Let's not get started on the whole stereotyping of anyone asian at that moment to be chinese. Hell, the main actors were mostly Japanese. And the accent... shudder. Despite all these, that movie's still one of my favorites of that era (others being Lily, Cinderella but not the Rogers-n-Hammetstein one, Singing in the Rain, and My Fair Lady). I'm sure there's more, but I don't really feel like wracking my brain at the moment.

Currently listening to Holcombe Waller's acoustic version of his song "Twist". Other songs included in this list are: Alicia Keys' "Fallin'", Bran Van 3000's "Astounded", Fenix TX's "Tearjerker", and others.

Now to talk about the concert. First band up was Hey Mercedes. Not bad but the crowd wasn't completely into it. Then came No Motivation which had a group of... groupies... who just happened to stand behind me and scream in my ears.

Dashboard Confessional was next. Shit. That guy can sing/play. His songs are completely emotion-filled (including the cracking voice in moments of deep pain) and he plays acoustic so well he can make it sound distorted without using an effects pedal. It's odd for me to be moved by someone I know little of in a concert... but halfway through I was ready to start bawling. And I would have if the people at the bar weren't so fucking loud and the crowd didn't sing along with their off-key singing. That really ruined the mood.

And to quote Paul when I recommended DC to him online: "He's rather cute too." Or something to that extent.

Afterwards was Saves the Day with a completely mesmerizingly sexy lead singer. Bu at that point the crowd was crushing us against the metal railing, the security people were being more bitchy than usual (a near impossible feat) and all the crowdsurfers went sailing over our heads every-other minute. Which wouldn't be so bad (a majority of them being cute guys) except that they had a tendency to try to wreck my hair. One even grabbed on for a ride till I had to punch his ribs.

Still trying to wash the blue hair coloring out of my head. Scary thing is, it's a spray-on color which is taking forever to get out of black hair... that's really really odd. Well, if I can't completely wash it off, church'll be interesting.

Church... bleh. Speaking of which, I have auditions for the teen choir this wednesday and I have yet to pick a song to sing. Thus the disadvantage to being picky.

Going to the Desert Passage tomorrow. Strangely enough, this is about the same time that I saw my Fallen Angel at the same place... hmm, god I hope I get to see him there. The mini-encounter at Barnes & Noble just fueled the flames of desire again.

Okay, now listening to the soundtrack for Trick.

. . . . . posted:||5:34 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Yeah, there was a concert tonight. Too tired to write about it right now. Taking the shower to wash off the hair coloring will only make me more sleepy...

Busy day tomorrow. Shopping downtown, watching BlueMan Group, and eating out.

Then monday I'll spend approximately 6 hours at the mall.

Tuesday will look to be mundane... unless dad brings home Hannibal.

. . . . . posted:||2:06 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Zapdramatic has some very interesting flash-powered scenarios about negotiating situations. Very helpful in learning how to properly handle one. I suggest the one about the confidential tape. The lady in that one is very twisted.

. . . . . posted:||4:10 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Goddammit! I think a cockroach's eggs have recently hatched. Lately I've been killing the lil buggers and am now up to a total of 25. I think we have an infestation here... but hell, grandma won't allow pesticide spray.

In fact, she'd probably blame me for letting them in while I'm painting. They'd get in regardless and it wasn't like I left the garage door open the entire time I was working outside.

. . . . . posted:||1:55 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
L'eglise du Rouge et Noir. I remember when I was a part of this before the storyline entered the realm of sci-fi. Back when the story was set in the present and my Lucifer character walked around in a business suit (think The Devil's Advocate or just Saiyonji in a suit). Hell, I still have the half-completed page I was putting up at Soft Feathers before L'eglise was shut down the first time.

. . . . . posted:||1:01 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Hengeyokai is added to the list of online comics.

. . . . . posted:||
12:57 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
That's it. Fag-movie all-nighter in serious need.

What's on the roster? Trick, Get Real, Incredible Story of 2 Girls in Love, Better Than Chocolate, But I'm a Cheerleader, In & Out, that other british film that's like Get Real but with the happy ending instead, Queer as Folk (UK version)... and My Fair Lady.

Oh. Saw Rat Race. Funniest laugh I've had in quite a long time; better than American Pie 2. Actually stopped breathing for 4 minutes due to uncontrollable laughing. Grandma wouldn't appreciate the WW2 mockery... heh, Barbie Museum. And the cow.

. . . . . posted:||12:13 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I hate him.

I hate the fact that he uses his extreme powers of manipulation to bend people to his bidding. I hate his ability to turn anyone straight to at least bi if he wanted to. I hate the fact that he plays with people's hearts to have his way with an unsuspecting person.

I hate the fact that he has a better selection of clothes to choose from. I hate the fact that he can dance just about anything. I hate the fact that he has an operatic range and can just about sing the pants off of anyone. I hate the fact that he won Say What Karaoke.

I hate his charisma. I hate how the room gravitates towards him when he walks through the door. I hate how everyone always greets him with a smile regardless. I hate his over-inflated ego. I hate his all-consuming conceit. I hate his mountain-crushing hubris.

I wish someone could just knock him down and make him feel terrible and miserable the way his ego needs a serious bitchslap.

Because as much as I hate who he is, I hate myself for being seduced by him.

I hate him.

. . . . . posted:||12:08 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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They have a select smart for BmB?... okay, I did not want to be similar to the prickish ex-bf artist most.

# 1 Tybalt
# 2 Faith
# 3 Skids
# 4 Harley
# 5 Mikhael
# 6 Hope
# 7 Tabitha
# 8 Cyanide
# 9 Allen
# 10 Rasheequa

. . . . . posted:||4:02 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Currently resorting to making a DarkAngel skin by myself... god what a pain in the ass! Making sure that every single pixel is in perfect position etc. etc... The constant perfection that prohibits me from being a really good programmer. I could never stand the small details anyways.

... which is why I probably didn't get the same impact from Dune that so many others have. Things are so subtle in that book... not even a 6 hour mini-series could cover the whole damned thing.

I won't even touch Victor Hugo's Les Miserables. See the musical yes (in mid September if I remember correctly), read the small print badly translated from french... Hell no.

It appears that the majority of dance moves I can do well involve rolling my shoulders and/or hips. A fact I point out while trying to dance to any Utada Hikaru song playing at the moment.

I need to actually put paint to canvas on my painting sometime. The first layer has already dried which will complicate matters for me when I try to blend...

Hell, I need to do a lot of things. I guess I'll make a list of things right now so it's down in paper... erm, writing... kinda:
- Finish painting before school
- Practice piano daily
- Right down quotes from A Brave New World like I was suppose to
- Get on the treadmill/weights
- Finish the 20+ poems for two I've been writing
- Post the other 10 sonatinas I've done
- Post new artwork that I've scanned
- Get film developed
- Get more red colorspray
- Write something about the spiritual revelation I've had
- Shop/Resupply for new school year
- Finish Blind Items before the school year
- Put all the CDs/videos back in their respective containers
- Modify the two shirts from Savers
- Call people I knew from school
- Email the foreign exchange students I made friends with
- Clean up the html for this site
- Get new brand of cologne

... Damn, and I only have about two weeks till school starts up again.

. . . . . posted:||1:42 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Okay, new obsession/mood-lifter. Boy Meets Boy. "Like the gay Odd Couple, only sexier." I love a good laugh! ^_^

(yeah, not much to say 'bout the last 24 hours)

. . . . . posted:||1:23 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Currently in search of WinAmp skins featuring either Logan or Logan and Max from the Dark Angel series. Does anyone have/know where to find them?

. . . . . posted:||3:06 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Thrift-store shopping has got to be the only time I've ever been excited over shopping. Not even when I found a store packed with Don't Panic shirts (the ones that say stuff like "Let's get one thing straight, I'm not").

Bought at least 20 articles of clothing that, if bought brand new and at some place like Anchor Blue or Hot Topic where I usually shop, would amount to roughly $300. I only spent about $40 this time 'round. So, what did I buy? An Airforce Captain's jacket, a full-body jumpsuit that fits like a dream, a bright red button shirt (been needing more color in my wardrobe), a similar yellow-ochre one, five different ties, a plain red shirt and a black shirt to be customized, ten candles, three candle holders, and an antique breadbox... okay, so the 20-something item count was a bit of an exaggeration.

Currently swallowing whole Matthew Rettenmund's Blind Items. As far as subject matter and writing style goes, I haven't been able to find a lot of GLBT writers that I particularly like. So far the number is three: Poppy Z. Brite, the guy who wrote the book I let Rica borrow, and now Matthew Rettenmund. The main character in this particular book I can relate to more: white-washed by his upbringing, juggling the way he behaves, and has a fondness/reluctance-to-discard old items.

And is it just me, or does the only female bandmember from the Josh Joplin Group look like Zell from FF8? Weird.

. . . . . posted:||2:02 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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While I'm in the mood to psychoanalyze my family, do you think that it's healthy competition when all the things you do, all the knowledge you retain, are gained in order to spite the complete condescending attitude your father gets whenever he tries to teach you something like driving or chess. When all the academic accomplishments you achieve are there to wipe the smug look off of his face when he realizes he's wrong. When watching Millionaire becomes a scream-fest over which answer is correct till they actually do present one.

Nope, just not healthy at all.

And pop, stop reading this.

. . . . . posted:||9:56 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Can anyone remember a time when you were young and your parents were infallible?.. okay, so not infallible. But they showed so much strength and resilience?

And then as you grow older the parents start expecting you to understand them better because you're more mature. That's when they start letting go of their facades and start acting like their true selves: worn out and boredom blessed. Along the same context of when you finally move in with someone and you discover all the little things they never told you about...

Watching your parent's manners deteriorate like I have with my mother is completely distressing. I've known for a while that my parent's aren't the perfect mentors they once (briefly) were. Back when I was young mom was more involved with the outside world and dad played golf more. In essence, the typical nuclear family with a house-wife mom, hard working dad, and a brother with sister. Typical except that we were filipino... but back in AZ we were so detached from that whole side that I grew up in this homogenized air of "whiteness" that wasn't really spoken about, but any foreign actions were noted silently.

As I grew older, dad started letting his barriers down and became more open about things. Afterall, now he wasn't too stressed out with work and didn't have to commute for an hour and a half in the morning like he used to do. Mom on the other hand... spends most of the day in her room watching tv. She only goes out on wednesdays or fridays when the dad would take her out for a movie or bowling, and then saturday for the family visit to the altar of god. Blech.

I have a feeling that my mom's in some mode of depression right now. Can't really tell anymore now that the communication lines between me and her have degenerated significally.

Mainly because she was always scolding/yelling at me when I was doing something improperly from washing dishes to dusting, vacuuming the carpet, solving a math homework problem, or tidying my room. I guess that was the way she was raised, but seeing my grandma from her side, you would never guess.

So, I don't really know what to do to make her cheer up. She only seems to do so when she's either with pop or when she doesn't have to bother with actual parent-offspring discussion. Perhaps she needs pop to feel secure that he'll pick up the pieces if she says something wrong.

Well, now I know where my sister's high-dependency runs from.

But, the major factor for the lack of communication is the "elder worship." American's are taught to put their parents on a pedestal where they are high beacons of society. We're never allowed to think of them as passionate, depressed, desperate, frustrated, or sexual in anyway. Once a couple has children old enough to squeal whenever the two are about to kiss is when the honeymoon years are capped off for good.

Yeah, her mannerisms are getting annoying. I'd just go up to my room and try to ignore it all except that my room is small, I spend too much time in it as is, and unlike mommy dearest I don't get cable on the boob tube.

I need music to jumpstart my day or I'll never get to working on that damned painting, let alone anyother school work that needs finishing.

. . . . . posted:||9:48 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
It's strange to see the house lit up with natural morning sunlight... how unaccustomed am I to be up at this hour.

Without the grandma at home, my mom's becoming increasingly irritable. My guess is that she's not used to being the only on to shoulder responsibility like cooking and cleaning. Multitasking domestic chores in the opposite context; cooking and creating a mess, then washing it. It's a neverending cycle that.

But then again she never was one for independence.

Speaking of which, how the hell do people maintain two blogs at a time? It's near impossible let alone the strain and pressure on one to write in both.

Scheduled to see the BlueMan Group this upcoming Sunday. Luxor, night out on the town, high-end buffet dining, fancy dress... it's like the evenings of watching broadway performances in the numerous venues back in AZ... minus the buffet part.

Morton's Chicago Steakhouse does a lot to cover that part.

It's weird going for about 8 hours without speaking a word and yet type so much.

. . . . . posted:||9:26 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Not quite sure why, but there's something completely sexy about broadway/showtune singers. I'm guessing it has something to do with the affinety for most of the gay populous towards that stripmall of performances. Or it could just be the mix of dancing ability, vocal power, and the usual good looks one must have in order to survive. Need proof? Here're three VERY good examples to the above:

Tony Vincent. The voice, the looks, the bod, the eyes. Mm mm mmm. If you've been reading this thing for some time, you'd already know the amount at which I enjoy this man's work. A pity he wasn't Judas when they were filming the newest revival of JCSS.

Sam Harris. Introduced by Paul, he has a charisma and singing presence that rivals Tony Vincent's. I'm still trying to find out where I've seen him actually perform; either as Joseph during the US Tour of Technicolor-Dreamcoat or King Herod in the early 90's tour of JCSS.... oh wait... I think I've seen him in both. Or maybe not... hmm, I'll have to dig through the old Playbills for that one. His original music's rather good (albeit the majority of the ones I found of his are from the 80's)

Um... okay, make that only two examples. I know who the third one was suppose to be I... just kinda forgot exactly what shows he's played in.

Again, at 5:30am what would you find me doing? Downloading WinAmp skins while trying to find some inspiration for a drawing. The earlier spark of an idea died away before I could make something coherent from it.

. . . . . posted:||5:33 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Watching the USANetwork's "Cabin on the Lake" and "Return to Cabin on the Lake" has resparked a forgotten passion of mine. The thing about those movies are the ingenuity the killer used. Creating an underwater mannequin garden but using real girls instead of plastic fakes...

There's something with water and the dead that is surprisingly beautiful. After a body's been drowned, the face looks tranquil and (as proven by that Evian ad) the hair floats serenely.

Other than the aforementioned movies, drowned victims have been used most notably in The Cell, What Lies Beneath, a little bit of Titanic, and.... I guess that one part in Watcher in the Woods.

Hm... have an idea for a drawing.

. . . . . posted:||12:27 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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ahh... fuck. Why do cockroaches have to exist? And if they're so absolutely necessary, why must they be so effing HUGE?! It took sis and I almost an hour to subdue a big one using some short bbq sticks. Finally, we had to separate the head and the body... but given the ability of a cockroach to move without a head... ::cringe::

I really really do not like those insects.

. . . . . posted:||10:56 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
No Doubt will be releasing a new album called "Rock Steady" and is set to be released a week from christmas. If I wasn't getting an electric guitar, I'd be asking for this one. (hint hint to all those who know me)

This is a bit into the future, but everyone knows what I wanna get for my b-day. That's right. The day after Feb. 2nd is the official release date for FFX.

Am I a fanatic? Yes. Of both aforementioned things.

. . . . . posted:||5:10 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
And thus the Netscape compatible version of this page is born.

Thanks go out to Sean for reminding me 'bout it.

Now instead of just a regular Iframe, you'll have to deal with 5 regular ones. In the words of Anthony Hopkins: "Goody goody."

Had my coffee granulta and damn it was good. SG-1 was a rerun so I really didn't need to stay up all night long to work on it.

Helped the grandma bring her luggage down approximately half an hour ago (to which my aunt asked me "You're up early?") and now she's off to sunny California. Which means... no annoying mannerisms for the next week! Woo!

... it'll be a bit quite now though. But that's nothing I haven't handled before.

. . . . . posted:||5:05 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Yep. Upgrading to Netscape 6 finally uses the CSS on the page. All I have to do now is recreate the static background effect on the center part. Eh.

. . . . . posted:||4:35 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Why am I up so late?
Two reasons. First, I'm making a coffee granulta (basically shaved ice but replace the ice with frozen coffee, mix in whip cream, a couple of strawberries, and some cinammon). Second, waiting for Stargate:SG-1 to come on. Seems that all the shows I watch on FOX are usually on this early (or sometimes earlier)...

What's with all of the short posts?
I really have nothing to do right now. Just floating in a sea of... liquid duldrom. Letting the waves of the bass line for "My Sweet Prince" play over and over again, massaging my mind as if it were one of those Fujitsu finger vibrators. Would be working on the NS version of the page, but I haven't had enough caffiene today so I lack the patience to work through the scripts.

. . . . . posted:||2:13 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Yes,Andy, Trick is an effing good movie. Too bad the lead guy's really straight (married AND has a kid) but that just goes to show you that a majority of the cute ones are. The song he's working on throughout the film is really catchy; after watching the movie for the first time I was singing it all day long at school... and I'll never look at pianos the same way ever again.

. . . . . posted:||2:02 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
... in the wee hours of 'morn I find amusement in looking at the penguins on the duck's page.

. . . . . posted:||1:59 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
"I guess I just keep all my tattoos and piercings on the inside."

Congrats Andy, you're the first blogger I'll be quoting in my quotes page.

. . . . . posted:||1:50 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Currently listening to Placebo's "My Sweet Prince." After sampling some of their new works, I'm really starting to get into them. The lead singer is some strange hybrid of Raine Maida of OLP and Bill Corgan, but his voice is still seductive chocolate syrup. The sound of the band borrows a lot from different styles of music and it plays on the variety. A song may start out on an acoustic guitar, quiet like a lake at night, till the end of the verse where a powerful blast of music sends you soaring into the boundless night sky...

(you see, if I could've just written something half that descriptive I would be satisfied with my poetry)

... but the thing that has made me fallen for Placebo are the lyrics. Almost all of their songs describes sex in all it's raw, kinky natures and unabashfully parades them.

Let's not forget that androgyny rules and the lead singer is the perfect example of that.

. . . . . posted:||1:47 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Okay... downloading all of Placebo's songs is starting to be quite the tedious task.

. . . . . posted:||10:30 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Urgh... making a Netscape compatible version of this page is really pissing me off. Either that or my version of the NS browser is too old to use CSS. Still, pissy about it.

. . . . . posted:||2:34 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Bent. Saw the movie again earlier tonight. Completely rivetting. I love doomed romances.

Speaking of which, I haven't been able to write poems lately. Everything I manage to write are just fluffy cotton candy. Whatever happened to the passion with which I write with?

If "necessity is the mother of invention," then "purpose is the spark that ignites inspiration." Thus, the secret to breaking any writer's block.

Not tested yet, mind you.

And living in my heightened world of drama, beauty, and grace is starting to get cumbersome.

. . . . . posted:||1:24 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Okay, major low point. I need to talk to someone familiar. And fast. Ideally on the phone, but at this hour of the night, that's highly unlikely.

Talking solely to my family members makes me appreciate all the chatter boxes known as my friends.

Whom I need to call when I've re-established a regular sleeping pattern. What is my current one no-one-in-particular-asks? Sleep at 4:00am wake at 11:00am or 12:00pm. Not good for the regular school year that's up in about... oh two weeks. Shit.

And I need to tell C that I'm quiting the band.

. . . . . posted:||1:18 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Seri's back from the reunion. Luckily it wasn't happening this tuesday... otherwise my grandma would be going to the same one and we'd REALLY be related.

Yes, grandma is going on "vacation" to see relatives in Cali for a whole week. She fears that the house will be unkept and demolished by the time she comes back (in her words: "I will come back to a mexican house.") but she over-estimates her needed presence to maintain the sanitation level in this house.

I really don't see why she wants to go. When she get's there, she'll be so tired most of the time that she won't go out and stay in the house taking care of the little kids and cooking/cleaning like she does in the house anyways... and that's voluntary too.

Set an audition for the Teen Choir at church today. Hopefully this year will prove to be more guy-populated than last time. But, I'll take just about any excuse to be up and singing...

I would join an acting troup/production (a la Las Vegas Performing Co.) but I'm not that convicted to it and neither do I have the time to do so.

Ate at Sweet Tomato after mass again. Sis and I sat apart from the parentals again to talk about stuff I can't really in the house. I hinted at my very first boyfriend back in AZ which I never told her about. So, we played 20+ questions. Still doesn't know who it is. he he he

And perfect example of how well we two get along: at the same place there was this really cute guy who kept walking past our table to get to the small buffet they had. We both commented on his attractive overall features and whispered cat-calls ("yeah, lick that spoon!") after he had passed.

Went to Borders and bought four things: an issue of Dance Mag, XY, Idle Blinds, and the movie/production book for Moulin Rouge. The evidence piles up. Anyways, the guy at the register (rather attractive I might say) smiled a bit when he saw what I was buying. I got my money out of my pocket (since I've currently misplaced my wallet) and handed the appropriate amount to him. At the sight of the slightly crumpled bills he said "What? Did you get these from the bottom of your shoe?" "Long story 'bout those things." I reply. I need to get a wallet and money to fill it FAST.

Outside of the bookshop where the tables for the neighboring Starbucks were placed, there was someone performing. A guy was singing his own Emo songs with an acoustic guitar and was rather good at it. One of the larger tables were occupied by his friends (all attractive in their punk/emo attire) who applauded vehemiantly when he finished a song.

Yep, today's been a day for nice eye candy.

. . . . . posted:||1:06 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Okay... you know a college book for an Art Minor is pathetic when the word usage, descriptive words applicable only to the subject (i.e. technical terms, movements) not included, is up to par with a Children's Eyewitness book about Impressionism. How would I know? Looked through a box with my uncle's old college texts. Very sad.

Oh, and unlike what some other people tend to believe, I saw the ending for "The Others" coming a mile away. Anyone who've seen just about every episode with "Sardo" from "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" would get it as well. Good movie none-the less... the ending was a bit lacking. Still debating exactly what the husband was... but I'll leave it at that else I'll give away the ending.

Xena's on in half an hour. Whoopie.

. . . . . posted:||3:09 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
*blip blip blip*

Sarah, gaydar's going off on Mike. Not fullblown alert, but I do sense some bisexual tendencies.

. . . . . posted:||12:29 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
.... One of the worst times to have a self-induced emotional breakdown/empathy is while the family is singing karaoke music. Or it could be induced by the recent post from Steve. Yes, first boyfriend syndrome sucks like a bitch in heat.

Another reason why I'm reconsidering getting a commenting system. Sure, you can get friendly banter from the people who know you in real life and read the thoughts of previously annonymous readers online... but it's a bit unnerving and unsettling that someone whom you've never met feels that they know enough about you to make a suggestion... then again, it shows that other people care.

Not getting a counter for aesthetic reasons and to relieve the pressure to maintain/ gain readers some bloggers and online-journalists have gone through.

But... yeah. I did not know Rosie O'Donnell was a lesbian. A bit of the obvious in hindsight, but seeing her and her girlfriend together is really cute. Which is one of the more common responses when I come out to someone. The other one being "Oh?"

Speaking of girlfriends... I've just found out that several of my grand aunts have them. Discussing weird stories over dinner with the family at a cafe, dad was telling a story about the two aunts who died without getting married. One was a teacher (not P.E. or English either) and died from terminal illness. Her lover was known as another "aunt" by my dad till he figured things out later in college. The other grand aunt reportedly tried to flatten her breasts by severely punching them thus getting an infection and dying from it. But, several years later, dad spotted her walking down a street with a hand around the waist of another girl.

'Course, mom doesn't have many stories like her spouse. I have plenty... but can't tell since they're parents.


I've been so love lourn this entry that I forgot to mention something. As of 3:30pm today, I am a designated driver's learner permit owner. And the picture isn't too bad either.

. . . . . posted:||12:27 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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I'm considering writing a fanfic/slashfic about a couple of... erm, couples.

First likely candidate: Ewan McGregor and Jude Law. They were flatmates at one time and are working together in their movie production group Natural Nylon. Definite room for a story there.

Second: Dhani and Amit (from A*Teens). Yeah yeah, the whole pop-group-members-hooking-up thing has been done to death. The idea's been in the back of my mind for some time now.

And, keeping with my high ideals of romance, the stories wouldn't be a five paragraph fuckfest... That is, if I do decide to write them. It's been too long since I used my narrative writing skills.

Which reminds me, I need to get back to working on my vignette sometime.

. . . . . posted:||3:04 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
My week is finally starting to look good at the end of it.

Piano lesson was harmless. Spent a majority of the time doing my scale practice/drilling and then sight-read some duet christmas songs.

Afterwards, movie. American Pie 2. Nice selection of guys at the cinema. Had to wait in a line to get it (unusual for the Vegas area where I live) and they got the shortest person possible to block off the entrance to those not going to the movie.

The film itself is completely juvenile... but that's to be expected. Hell, that's what I needed. A nice laugh-slaughter to blow away my recent negative feelings. Halfway through the movie, everyone heard a loud thud followed by an "ow." Apparently someone was leaning against the railing near the back of the theater and fell the 15+ feet to the ground. Other than that moment and the numerous eye-candy/eyefucks, the audience was nothing interesting.

Bunch of frat guys were sitting around sis and I... sounded exactly like Stifler from the movie. A bit on the sickening side... and ever so annoying.

New painting project underway. This time on a huge 5'x10' canvas landscape-style featuring estranged friend Katherine. With that size, it'll take me at least a month to finish... which means I'll have to get more oil paints. $200 more down the drain.

DMV test tomorrow. Permit and state ID card. I need some serious studying.

I feel like commenting on Pres. Bush's speech about stem cell research... but it's approaching 2:00am and I lack the energy.

. . . . . posted:||1:49 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Dunno who she is... but the description on the page is just about right. (via Dave)

. . . . . posted:||5:50 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Hmm... didn't know Blogger had a limit to how large a post can be. I had to edit out half of the survey (the boring parts) to make it publishable.

. . . . . posted:||3:47 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Entry #600. In celebration of this event, I'll post a survey I took/wasted the time to complete. From Sarah:

* Starting time:
1:55 am

* Name:

* Nicknames:
Chuck, Chuckles, Chuckie, Chuckster, Shyaku, Buddha, El Diablo, Teddy Bear... the list goes on

* Birthday:
Feb. 2nd

* Eyes:

* Color of Hair:
Turning Brunette from all the conditioner

* Height:

* Siblings:

* Kept a secret:
Up till recently, my life's been one big one

* Had an imaginary friend:
Does an imaginary voice in your head count?

* Wanted to hook up with a friend:
Far too many times

* Cried during a Flick:
'Course. I'm not the apathetic devil everyone makes me out to be.

* Had a crush on a teacher:
No infatuation, just pure lust. And several at that.

* Found a cartoon character attractive:
Let's pause to remember my anime obsession years.

* Ever at anytime owned a New Kids on the block video:
Taped one episode of the animated TV show, but that's it.

* Planned your week based on the TV Guide:
SundanceChannel.com. For a month. Even then it fell through halfway.

* Prank called someone:
Who hasn't?

* Been on stage:
Plenty. Hoping to go back someday.

* Gotten in a car accident:
Not a fun experience


* Shampoo:
Pantene. God, can't believe I just answered that...

* Color:
Red, Black, White, Orange, Lavender/Violet/Purple

* Day/Night:
Nocturnal creature for all eternity. Especially in my current habitat.

* Summer/Winter:
Autumn. Best of both worlds.

* Online smile:
^_^ They're Emicons, dear.

* Lace or satin:
Satin. Easier to seduce blind people with.

* Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend:
Hah... no

* Crush:
Constant dependency problem. So, yes.


* Do you have a best friend:
That would be no. Plenty of friends, some closer than others, but not one who can claim that they know me better... unless you count the sibling.

* Who's your loudest friend:
Christy and her spider screams.

* Who's the shyest:
Crystal who needs to stop reading this and go outside for a change. Yes, there is a thing as non-artificial sunlight.

* Who do you go to for advice:
Sis or Liz. Both Liz's.

* Who do you get the most surveys from:
Sarah... I'm looking at your direction.


* Cut your hair:
Pulled a few strands out whilst combing.

* Been mean:
When it's concerning my grandma interupting me while painting, always.

* Met someone new:
Hard to when you're couped up inside all day and awake at 2:00pm.

* Talked to someone you have a crush on:
No. He's currently with his stepdad in Vermont.

* Missed someone:
Plenty of people.

* Fought with your parents:
Grandma. More like her scolding/lecturing me about something I know already and me giving her the silent treatment while staring her down.

* Wished upon a star:
The only stars bright enough to shine in the sky above this city are really planets.

* Laughed until you cried:
If only. That would make things interesting.

Done Lately

* Played Truth or Dare:
Wish I did. The Nervous Game with Matt was fun though.

* Watched a sunrise/sunset:
Not with the shit sunsets/sunrises in Vegas.

* Went to the beach at night:
The beach house is closed at this time of night... and I live in a valley.

* Spent quality time alone:
Painted for almost 4 hours straight. Does that count?

* Are you happy:
Dreading piano lessons and the DMV test on saturday.

* Are you wearing your pajamas:
Night attire: grey Old Navy shirt, boxers, green swimming trunks.


* God/Devil:
They're practically the same if you think about it hard enough.

* Your friends:
Most of them.

* Love:
Every fucking minute. No wonder I don't have anyone at the moment.

* Closet monsters:
Only when I put on the hockey mask and hide in my sis' closet.

* Heaven/Hell:
Nirvana, Samsari, Asgard, Nifelheim, etc. etc. Who needs a final destination when the journey's much more fun.

* Superstitions:
Grandma's dependency on them has beaten them out of my mind

* What color pants do you have on right now?:
Olive green. Not really pants but... oh, boxers are olive green too.

* What was the last thing that you ate?:
Penni a la Pesto. Was going to be coffee but sis beat me to the last scoop.

* Where do you want to go on your honeymoon?:
Nowhere lowbudget or some place dreary. Assuming that I get married let alone find the right guy.

* Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with:
Certain family members and friends.

* What did you do last night:
Attempted to paint while the cockroaches squirmed.

* What's the nicest thing that you found about your crush?:
High appreciation for art and music.

* What's your favorite singer, rapper or group?:
Do people really expect others to answer with only one singer/rapper/group? I'd say Our Lady Peace or... Dashboard Confessional.

* How do you eat an Oreo?:
Tend to avoid those things. And isn't it suppose to be Reese's?

* Who makes you happy?:
Anyone who'll listen to my problems or sing a musical's entire score with me on the phone.

* What are your future goals?:
Architect. Artist. Graphics. Design. Boyfriend. Swimmer's build. Studio apartment.

* Your fave music?:
Anything but hardcore rap or old country music.

* Favorite movies?:
Moulin Rouge, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, The Cell, Down to You, Simply Irresistable, As Good As It Gets, Trick, Get Real, But I'm A Cheerleader, The Matrix, Interview With a Vampire, The Talented Mr. Ripley... too many as you can see.

* Fast or slow?:
Alternating rhythms please.

* Are you too shy to ask someone out?:
There's a difference between being shy and being scared they'll beat the shit out of you.

* Have you ever been in love?:
Let's not get started down that road...

* What is the stupidest thing that you have ever done?:
The first 9 years of my career as a student have all been one big mistake.

* Do you like scary or happy movies better?:
Happy only because I usually need an uplifter when I go see a film.

* On the phone or in person?:
There're advantages for both. But considering I have no mode of transit out of this house, the phone's the way to go.

* Lust or Love?:
Both in one hot package.

* Do you like this survey?:
Just like asking the torture victim if that last limb severing hurt much.

* Favorite fruit:
Rupert Everet and Boy George... Oh, edible fruits? Grapes, bananas, and artifical orange flavor.

* Do you like snow?:
Haven't had enough of it in my life to tell... but shaved ice is nice.

* Who is your favorite SANRIO character?:
Badtz Maru, Purin, Pochacco, Twin Stars, Unico, Pyo Pyo... oh wait, that's the bastard character.

* Favorite line from a song:
"Pictures on the wall, just waiting there to fall, still remind me, that faithful holiday, can almost hear you say, 'Please don't miss me, tonight!"
-Fenix TX's "Tearjerker"

*Time Completed:

I must say that this season of Undressed has a lot of gay guys in it's storylines. Need to record the whole season when they replay it.

. . . . . posted:||2:45 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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One more thing to note.

Damn. There're WAY too many roaches in the backyard at night. Tried my night-of-painting schtick due to a (brief) moment of inspiration. After completely setting up all of my painting stuff (which is a lot to do if you pack about 200+ tubes of acrylics and oils... let alone the cd player etc. etc.) I begin painting over a piece I did back when I knew shit about brushwork. Once I finish the first coat of black, I notice the dark spot amidst the red rocks in the backyard. That's when I noticed that that spot was a rather large cockroach. Not only that, there were seven others advancing and one crawling right next to another canvas I was preparing.

What did I do? At first I tried just painting and ignoring them... until one point when a large one faced me directly, stood up on its hind four legs, and waved its arms and antennae at me. Disgusting little insect... I hit right infront of it with my metal T-Square ruler.

Fast forward an hour later I'm fed up with scaring away those damned black things so I figure it's now time to head back into the house. I enlisted mi hermana to scare away the things while I packed everything up and put it inside. Just before I was getting ready to bring the last of the canvases in, I hear my sis calling for me. A roach was advancing and she wanted to know how to scare it off. I tell her to smack the ground infront of the roach and that would send it scurrying. She did what I told her, and the roach scuttled along... towards her.

Sis screams a bit (keep in mind this is nearing 10:00pm when the neighbors are going to bed) and tells me to get rid of it. I figure she didn't scare it off properly since I didn't see it's movement. Followed the same old procedure, but the roach came my way as well. Luckily it quickly made a sharp 90 degree turn and headed for the rocks.

Later, safely inside the confines of the house, sis and I are surfing Dark Angel websites when we see the baby roaches crawling along the walls. I wanted to exact my revenge and proceeded to kill the lil buggers till I took down about twenty in an hour's time... and one fully grown cockroach.

At least they aren't like the flying ones back in the motherland.

. . . . . posted:||3:37 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Sniff... everyone's getting their own domain names 'cept me. Whilst on the subject, Tony's is at aesiraven.com and it looks pretty effing sweet! ^_^

... too bad I hardly see her online these days. I wonder how her she and her girlfriend are fairing?

. . . . . posted:||3:14 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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And one more thing. Go listen/read Janis Ian's "At Seventeen" will ya? I know I know, the song's old. It still rings true for so many people though.

. . . . . posted:||6:37 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Two things to add:

- Didn't get to paint today... yet. Plan to when I get the necessary supplies together afterwards

- Legs gave away to exhaustion. Cutting down the workout time to half an hour till my joints fit together again.

. . . . . posted:||6:28 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Is it possible to be empathetically borderline? Because I think I have that "slight" problem.

For a majority of the time I'm.. reasonablly understandable. Sure, some of the more "provocative" things I say are rather out there, but that's all to rouse a reaction from the surrounding people.

At sometimes the oddest and most inappropriate moments the level of empathy I have sky rockets then sinks down to pure apathy again.

Case in point: GrandUncle's funeral. At first I was sad and felt like crying every other minute or so (god knows why; barely knew the man) but as soon as the funeral procession and open casket went underway I didn't feel a thing. Hell, when the eulogies started I almost felt like laughing at the words being spoken and the mascara running.

Why mention this? Had another occurance today. Read the dean'sentry about a letter he wrote to a friend followed by one the duck wrote as a reactionary to the post. At the end of which I started bawling.

.... You know what I find disturbing? Whenever I fantasize some romantic scene, it's always concerning music. Never anything to do with painting and/or drawing... or any visual arts for that matter...

And while we're on the subject of random reminiscing, I remember something Sarah said during a church choir practice. We were joking about the guy/gay population at LVA and, the incident of the day, how I was hit on by another guy. After recovering from laughing she said: "But seriously Chuck, don't turn gay. Homosexuality is wrong!" And it was that statement that made me hesitant to tell her. Not the fact that she's a "good lil catholic girl" or the fact that her mom teaches Catechism (religious ed.) at the church. Funny how now she's so supportive... And I thank her for that.

To contradict my views on every teen's search for something that's purely valid (ex. musicians who aren't sellouts), I can't stand hypocrites. C, for example... I think I've gone over this before. How her attitude towards gay people are opposite of what she says they are. She should learn that people are more perceptive than she thinks considering how easily I saw through that facade. Personally, I think her reluctance to admit her views is a way to keep herself in the strict dogma of non-conformist she's established her reputation on... but enough of that.

"Your love is better than chocolate. Better than anything else that I've tried."

Constant dependence of my romantic urges isn't all too healthy, is it?

. . . . . posted:||6:19 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Alright. Painting plans will be postponed till daybreak. But I plan to paint diligently tomorrow for the majority of the day... and I still have to study for the DMV Permit test on saturday... damn. Let's not even discuss piano lessons or my recital piece.

New Scenario:

I'm at some sort of 50's diner a la 5'n'Diner or Flashback, sitting at a table with a guy I've been friends with for a while. We've just come in a little bit after sundown so the air is still hot and simmering. Just saw a movie because we had nothing better to do.

The waitress comes over on roller skates and, popping gum, asks us what we'll have. Her orderbook held tightly with a pen in hand hovering over it. I order some sort of burger and a chocolate malt, and my friend orders something similar; another burger and malt.

Waiting for our order to be cooked, we have nothing much better to do. I start some hap-hazard conversation about the movie we saw earlier with friends, and seeing how he has similar tastes, agrees with most of the things I say. The only thing he argues with me about was who was the cuter female costar. I say the other one's too slutty, he says that he likes her just fine with a drawn out "f". I dismiss it casually.

I stare out the large window I'm sitting next to, looking at the people passing back and forth. A large group of teens just about our age walks by but... something's aloof with them. In their group were two guys walking side by side, holding hands, and the rest of the people there didn't mind at all. Huh.

That's when I notice my friend's reflection in the window. His gaze at the two were almost tangible, but his expression unreadable. The radio/mini-juke box at our table starts to belt out Sonny and Cher songs just before the awkward moment when our eyes met. He makes some suspicious comment about the validity of the 50's diner. Why do you say that? Sonny and Cher aren't 50's music! Well neither are the beachboys. Yeah, but they embody the feel of the 50's. How so? Surfing, beaches, 'nuff said. True.

He digs into his pocket and fishes out two quarters. I say something about the incredible speed at which our food was being prepared (at that point we were one of the few people there eating) while he flips through the selection of music they had.

How'd you like to hear American Pie? Had enough of it when Madonna did that video. Okay... Surfin' USA? No Beachboys please! I thought you liked them? Just because I mentioned them doesn't mean I necessarily like them. Fair enough... How about Jailhouse Rock? Sounds good.

Down go the two quarters. The food arrives after an impregnated length of time. Our appetites sufficiently wetted, we eat ravenously and manage to finish the basket of food in a few minutes. He looks over to my basket and asks me if I wanted my fries. Yes! But why? You're not eating them right now. I'm saving them for later. An eyebrow raises. Just wait and see.

The jukebox is playing Blue Suede Shoes as our conversations die down a bit. The silence between us is long and empty... much like a canyon in the desert. I'm trying to think up something to chit chat about while he flips through the songs somemore.

Hey. I'm startled when those words were uttered out amid the relative silence. What is it? I've... got something I want to tell you. Um, okay. Not now, after this song is over. Anything worth saying is worth saying now. Um... C'mon, aching ears never stay open for long. Well I... Closing, closing, closing.

I like you.

... What? But you're straight.

For as much as you know. I like girls fine I just...

What? Like guys even better.

Well... yeah. He flips through the songs again. Slower this time, and he doesn't even seem to actually look at the titles. Maybe just trying to find something to keep his eyes from me.

You know... if you're gonna play a song, you should play... My fingers brush lightly against his as I flip a few pages forward... This song.

That song? But it's--

Yep. A classic.


What's wrong with "When I Fall in Love?"

... Are you trying to say something.

Maybe... were you?


At which point the waitress comes 'round again, this time with the two malts. Chocolate for me. Butterscotch for him. The waitress asks me if I wanted the fries boxed. No thanks I say, which earns a nod from her. I could care less anyways her postures gave away as she skated back into the kitchen.

So, want to see what I've been saving these up for?

Um.. sure.

Smiled and took a frie. Dipped it into the chocolate, swirling it in small circles, then bring it to my lips to bite off.

Say, aoes this mean what I think it means?

Dip. Bite. That what means what?

That we're--



Honestly, you're daft. Now open up.

Erk. I don't like grease with my milkshakes.

Why so afraid? It's only food.

Yeah. Say that to the guy who ate it stuffed with razors in Seven.

Just have one.


Why not?


Ugh. You're the most uncooperative boyfriend I've ever had. Now, open--

Wait. Boyfriend?

Again, you're daft. Yes, boyfriends.

Well I... So you-ack!

Bite. There, now doesn't that taste delicious?

I think I'm gonna... hey. This. Isn't. Too. Bad.


I think I'll have some more.

Then open up and say ahh.


Don't do that, you look stupid.

But you said--

Hush. Here.



.... okay, that was a bit long. But then again I am typing this near the dead of night. And with my bio-clock set for 5am in the morning... that's not quite a good thing. Yes, I'm a bit sleepy right now.

. . . . . posted:||11:17 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
"I think if I can hit the window pane running I'll make the jump to Pasadena. Then the bean patrol can't get to me ever!"

Don't ask why. Just "what the #$%$#?!"

Short synopsis of the past 24 hours:

Dad's addicted to the new DVD player. Watches CastAway and Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon in an alternating fashion and loves watching CTHD in english with french subtitles (or vice versa).

I'm enjoying this new, slim scanner he got for the computer downstairs. First, it's SLIM! (+ #1) The other scanner in the parent's room was about the size of the harddrive. (let's not even get started with the one in my room...) The program that comes with it is so much better; selects the image automatically so you don't have to be too precise with the croping tool. (+ #2) But the most incredible thing about this scanner is that the pictures come out as dark as they are in real life! (+ #3)

Worked out for only an hour but managed to eat very little today and still burn around 300 calories. Sis is getting progressively jealous at the rate I'm going. (1 pound every three days) Grandma comes up to me after I come back inside the house and tells me "You being a good boy! You work out! Now take a shower, you stink!"

Played Monopoly where sis and I owned our respective sides of the board and constantly passed mucho dinero between the two of us. Unfortunetly she had Parkplace and I Boardwalk. Damn.

Currently planning to take advantage of the outside patio's lighting fixtures to paint late at night. Now I won't get paint on the carpet... much anyways.

. . . . . posted:||10:29 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Well, workout schedule changed. Now it's about 3 hour's on the treadmill and one on the weights... which means that I should start my calorie consumption in the next twenty minutes.

It's an interesting thing surfing the net while trying to watch a movie that's in Mandarin.

. . . . . posted:||3:39 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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[Bridget Jones-esque diary entry]
ate: three pieces of adobe pork, 3"x3" square of scrambled egg, handful of animal crackers
drank: three waterbottles, one bottle of iced tea
workout: 1.5 hours on treadmill, .5 hours on total gym
lost: 300 calories/ 200 fat calories
daily goal: 1,000 calories
weekly goal: at least every-other day, 1-2 lbs
monthly goal: carry on into the schoolyear, 5-8 lbs
yearly goal: 60-80lbs

.... is that even healthy? Well, time to go workout again. I figure I should do something productive with my free time since I'm reluctant to work on anything else at the moment.

And the secret to maintaining interesting in working out: watch a "chick flick" while doing so. Did my time today while watching "Down To You" and will be watching "Groundhog's Day" when I get back on in... five minutes.

Yep, definetly unhealthy.

. . . . . posted:||2:30 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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So, new layout.

Spent most of the day rearranging the mountains of boxes in the garage. Salvation Army's coming 'round tomorrow to pick some of the stuff off and the majority of the rest is going to the storage shed.

Digging through forgotten boxes can produce many treasures. In this case: boardgames (Mancala, Monopoly, Clue, Boggle, etc.), candles (two white, two red, ten holly-scented), my mini-X-mas tree from the past five years, home made christmas ornaments, CD stereos, candleabras, ice shaver, old CD's (Celine Dion, Gloria Estefan, the Xmas Macarena), a jewelry case. All I need to do now is go through the two storage sheds the family has rented out and find things to decorate my room.

Currently watching the "Free Tibet" concert on HBO from a couple of years ago. Rage Against the Machine is playing right now, but I'm staying up to see Cibo Matto perform. Go Japaniisu akusento!


. . . . . posted:||11:17 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Well, just about ready to collapse onto the carpet and disintegrate into millions of digital particles. Yes, ladies and gents, I've been watching/listening to more Lain.

. . . . . posted:||1:20 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Hmm... this layout is becoming stagnant. And if there's one thing I can't stand, it's air that's lazy and sits all day. Time to redesign!

Speaking of which, I've found out exactly why my moods have been swinging so badly as of late. Pure and simple: I'm addicted to caffiene. So, in an attempt to get off of it, I will consume no caffienated products for the duration of two weeks or until school starts... Hell, I'm betting on myself quiting by tomorrow.

. . . . . posted:||1:17 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
New Playlist: Lovelorn Morning

Save Ferris: "Let Me In"
Aerosmith: "Fly Away From Here"
ATC: "Thinking of You"
The Beatles: "Yesterday"
Bernadette Peters: "Unexpected Song"
Boa: "Duvet"
BT: "Satellite" and "Shame"
Carol King: "So Far Away"
Carpenters: "Close to You" and "Rainy Days ..."
Christina Aguilera: "I Turn To You"
Coldplay: "Yellow"
Dido: "Thank You"
Dispatch: "Two Coins"
Eve Six: "Here's to the Night"
Fenix TX: "Tearjerker"
Fuel: "Hemorage"
Goo Goo Dolls: "Iris (unplugged)"
Good Charlotte: "Seasons"
Hepburn: "I Quit"
Incubus: "Drive"
Janet Jackson: "Doesn't Really Matter"
Joybox: "Special (English Version)"
Nick Drake: "Pink Moon"
OurLadyPeace: "Clumsy(acoustic)"
Pushing Daisies: "Disagree"
Ricky Martin ft. Meja: "Private Emotion"
Sarah Vaughn: "My Funny Valentine"
Sarah McLauchlan: "Better Than Chocolate"
Shades Apart: "Valentine"
Silverchair: "Ana's Song (Open Fire)"
Smashing Pumpkings: "Tonight, Tonight"
Sugar Jones: "Days Like That"
Swell 26: "Letters to Angel"
Veruca Salt: "Break Up Song"
Wyolica: "Red Song"
Utada Hikaru: "First Love"
Janis Ian: "At Seventeen"

2.5+ hours of musical release.

Mmm... right now I want someone to cuddle up to at night who, as we both gazed at the moon, would sing "Yellow" in my ear softly. Or maybe "Funny Valentine", "Tearjerker", "Let Me In", "Close To You", "Unexpected Song." The list goes on (and on, and on...)

Why the urge for a guy at this hour? Playing 10 rounds of DreamPhone can do that to a person.

. . . . . posted:||12:43 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Grandma's vacuuming (pronounced "buck-you-m-ing") with a 15yr old Hoover that whistles with a high pitch rather annoyingly every minute. Scratch that, I ended up being annoyed by the ambuling pace my grandma did it and took it upon myself to clean the last three rooms.

It's funny how some domestic chores I find condolences in. For instance, in vacuuming and dusting I get a good workout (dancing/singing while doing so) and the house is nice and clean.
Washing dishes I have time to contemplate things and always get freshly clean plates and my hands smell like lemonade from the dish liquid.

And cooking... well, if the food turns out good I'm ever so happy and when it's shit... it's shit. But the act of making food keeps me elated for quite some time.

Now sis' persuading me to play the DreamPhone game she found in the garage with her. How can I resist?

(and thanks again to Paul for the info!)

. . . . . posted:||8:07 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Rica, I'll have to agreed. That boy is pretty damn hot! not to mention a dead-ring singer. Too bad he's a strict Mormon. All boyfriend possibilities down the drain...

Speaking of singing, I have more or less the same vocal range as one Ewan McGregor. Well... okay, only on the song "Just In Love" (on the Little Voice soundtrack) but it's not my fault he starts off the first note of "Your Song" directly on my vocal break (where I have to switch over to falsetto to sing higher). Erm, yeah.

. . . . . posted:||8:35 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Another thing to note about Rush Hour 2. They have a song by my all-time favorite Jpop fem artist Utada Hikaru somewhere in the movie. Kind of not fitting since the movie focuses on the Triad members of China, not Japan... then again, the Yakuza can be just as, if not more so, ruthless as they.

Ahem. "Blow My Whistle" by Utada Hikaru. I need to see that movie again to find out where they play it.

. . . . . posted:||8:31 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Rush Hour 2. Good movie. Go see. Want Mu shu.

Feeling so much better now. I think being subjected to hours of conversation with my grandma is making me more borderline than before. That's my only explaination at the moment.

Still doing research for the AIDS project/show for school this fall. A bit frustrating since the subject of my piece (the effect of AIDS on visual artists) seems to not be important anymore. It seems that the whole AIDS hey-day for the gay community was back in the 80's. Now, having the disease is considered by some to be a sort of statement on one's lifestyle; like having syphillis back in the late 19th century. Or even a joke at times (can we say RENT anyone?).

The lack of steam in that movement was ever made apparent when I came across an article about how artists (including actors, singers, etc.) have stopped feeling the urgency to act out on the matter. Kind of like a dead crusade.

If I really wanted to make a statement, I'd focus on the growing female population with AIDS or the ubiquity of the disease in Africa... but my work has never been about politics or at a grand scale. I'm more comfortable in the (sub)urban settings or the soaring highscapes of surrealism.

At this rate it looks like I'll have to change the subject matter to "living with the disease."

The images should be working now. Yay. Except that I'm putting more of a strain on Seri's server (just a little bit, mind you, but I still feel guilty). Then again, it's nothing like what Andy's doing to his host.

. . . . . posted:||8:25 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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I'm growing tired of all music. Not just the punk and emo I've been subjected to all summer long, but even the beloved showtunes I loved earlier this morning.

Another thing to add to my list of pet peeves: people who're unnecessarily graphic in describing certain bodily functions when the need is not necessary. This applies to every single filipino I know including friends, family, and the occasional dicator.

And I'm seriously dreading leaving this house for any occasion. Whether it be the movies with friends or piano lessons. Or even for the sake of going out.

Suburban cabin fever.

. . . . . posted:||10:43 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
.... is Brinkster being a bitch? I think the image files aren't working properly, right?

. . . . . posted:||7:45 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Ah. Nothing like finally waking up with a cold glass of refreshingly sour lemonade and listening to Harry Connick Jr. The after-the-storm sky is a bright shade of blue with fluffy cloud accessories. Until the rest of the household wakes up, life is good.

. . . . . posted:||7:44 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Currently getting into this guy's blog and diary.

It seems that I've found the source of the problems in my sleeping pattern. If I manage to go upstairs and sleep in my bed I'm fine. The semi-firm mattress and flat pillows keep my circadian clock at ease. Sleep downstairs on the couch however...

Funny thing about the family room couch. I has a nasty habit of trying to eat me whenever I sleep on it. In other words the cushions are always pushed forward so I get sucked into the hole between where the cushions were to the back rest. Thankfully the thing's fluffy leather so the transistion from bouncy surface to being piked by loose springs isn't completely noticable. Especially in your sleep.

Apparently I can't sleep on anything too comfortable if I want to wake up in time.

. . . . . posted:||7:36 AM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Rica reminded me about something interesting that happened today. During the three hours we were at the party (which is short considering that the greeting and the ending take half to a full hour let alone the actual party in between) I stayed in the outside balcony for about half an hour just watching. The viewpoint of the city from the balcony was wonderful and was complimented further by the lightning show down in that area.

The clouds were the most intriguing aspects of the evening. Driving to the party (when the clouds began to gather) the sky was more or less white-grey with patches of aquamarine blue sky coming through the holes in the clouds. By the time I go outside to look at clouds, a massive dark-grey thunder cloud had settled over the entire city. If I looked straight up I could see the whisps of lighter clouds swirling and moving in a near funnel formation. I half expected one to come down and strike unholy terror on the city... but that's highly unlikely.

The colors were, as she put it, exquisite. One could start at the few patches of open sky left, move to the rays of sunlight making the whispy clouds ochre. As the clouds condensed further, the orange hue changed to the menacingly dark grey. But, if one peered across the valley over where the cloud had completely covered downtown, the clouds and general land area was a deep navy blue.

I could never live blind. I need moments like that.

. . . . . posted:||11:30 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Save Ferris: "Let Me In"

I've been watching you and all you do for quite some time
Knowing all the ins and outs of you, i should have known what was on your mind

But all the world is spinning round and round, inside my head tonight
I will fall into the darkness and i fear i will never see the light


The light
So let me in
All that i wanted from you was something you never knew
So let me in
Oh please tonight, dont let this end tonight
I'll fall

Through the light the darkness seems to be so very strong
How does one alone against the world find the strength to carry on

What happened to the way we used to love, it seemed as though life had just begun

But now that love has come and gone to fade away
Like the setting sun
Cause you wont let me in
All that i wanted from you
Was something youd never do
So let me in
Oh please tonight, dont let this end tonight
Cause im starting to fall
So let me in

It was all that i wanted from you
It was something you never knew
To let me in
But not tonight, for this is the end
I fall

A 6 minute epic song compared to their three minute melodies in the other songs.

Came home recently from the a-post-forementioned birthday party. Boring to no extent. Barely even worth mentioning so I'll stop.

Severe relapse. Really really bad. Especially after listening to the above song. Sure, doesn't look like much when you're just reading it (which at this time I'll say get on Morpheus or some other filesharing program and get it) so I'll try to describe the song.

On second thought... I lack the energy to do so. Spent most of my creative juices helping Matt give counter-insults to Cristin's ex. He's over at her house and just recently got offline.

Damn song. Definite relapse.

. . . . . posted:||11:17 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
One more slight and quick note: found my box of clipped magazine pictures. Much of my models for pictures have been those pics although I'm starting to find models of my own. Which means I now have more confidence in my realistic representations. Now all I have to do is find a subject matter I haven't really touched much.

Just for the record, here are the ones that I use to the point of creating cliches:
- angels (wings, fallen angels, wing cannibalism, etc.)
- "divine" architecture (cathedrals, soaring floating platforms a la Utena)
- people making out (f/f, f/m, m/m, f/m/f, m/m/f, etc.)
- floating cloth (draperies, levitating strips of cloth like in medieval Chinese artwork)
- the macabre (extreme s/m, cannibalism, eviceration, necrophillia)
- music (rockstars, Jpop artists, surrealistic cd's)
- hands (doing just about everything)

Yep. The statement still stands that my artwork is my way of coping with all the sexual frustration. At least I draw the line from anything completely pornographic... just maintaining high suggestiveness.

Damn libido....

(note: I was checking my site out and it seems that any link to the main page sends it to the Usagichan.com server. weird)

(another note: this is post #575. only 25 more till I hit 600)

. . . . . posted:||6:01 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I figure now is the only time I'll be able to write today.

In approximately half an hour I'll be attending my little cousin's birthday party. A family birthday party. In a house that has no internet.

So, upon entering an area I've deemed equivalent of the stone age, I'll have to find something to amuse myself with. Or bring for that matter. Which means my cd player and sketchbook will be following us as well.

I really wished that summerschool didn't end on such an anticlimax. After our nutrition break we came back into the gym to discover that half the class had already left. So, we line up when the coach tells us to for attendance, at which point someone asks him if we could leave early. After a rather vague answer that more or less flat out encouraged them to, a majority of the class left. We had to stay over to wait for our ride home along with the other ten people left remaining. Excruciatingly boring, except that Brady came over to visit. Alanna wanted a picture of us to finish off the film she had in her camera, so Mr. B decided to do a handstand. 'Course, sis, C, and I had to hold up his legs for him. After the flash went off we promptly dropped him onto the gym floor.

I'm hoping the movie tomorrow will help pep up the doldrums I've caught myself in. Otherwise, I need a severe adrenaline high.

. . . . . posted:||5:38 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Why do I have a feeling that writing down the night's events will only help to shave away the memories faster and faster?

Thank god I brought my camera.

. . . . . posted:||11:35 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
How sad... my very own sister who grew up under the same roof as I in more or less the same environment all our lives... and even then she's still innocent about certain subjects.

Right now, we're watching Farinelli (a movie about a castrata) and she wonders as the sex scene goes underway if you can get hard without testicles. I gave her a "what do you think?" look and she answers.... "So no, they can't get it up?"

God I feel like smacking her for her impudence.

. . . . . posted:||11:30 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Lately it seems that outings with friends turn out to be quite the blast.

A party of eleven showed up at around 7:30 when we were suppose to be seated in the Pope Room. Alas, the other party was being quite the bitch and refused to get up which resulted in us waiting an hour till we could sit down. So everyone made a weird circle in the front waiting room/lobby and proceeded to talk about miscellany and act like the youngsters we were. Proceeded to scare every soul in the place at the same time.

Later, more cajolling and such talk inside the Pope Room. Aside from the usual banter and sexual innuendo (and rest assured that ther level of sexual frustration was rather high) (... or not so assured) we made cat calls at the cute waiter. Unfortunately that night only one of the five cute guy waiters was working. And even then he wasn't as cute as the other four. Pout.

After the cake was eaten (getting to that later) we got a bowl full of cherries and proceeded to play a sort of kinky feeding game with them. Most people just held the red fruit out for their partner to devour, but I had the end of the stem in my mouth and had them come up to me to bite it off. Mmm.

So, now to get to the people:

Sis: majority of the time kept comments to a minimum except when we were waiting at the lobby. Then she was almost obnoxiously loud so I had to cup her mouth several times over.

C: acted like herself; constant play-flirt. Gladly ate cherries off of Matt a la my style. Was constantly worried that our parents would hear our debauchery in the other room, but all they heard was manical laughter.

Cristin: acted like herself times ten. She shared all her stories about the exploits of a near-to-be freshman and constantly chimed in to tease Brady.

Brady: acted like the bumbling idiot, and was labeled the "woman abuser" near the beginning of the night. Later he gets rather defensive when his newly bought shirt gets pelted by a rigatoni. As the evening progressed, he started becoming rather hyper and starts hitting his silverware against his glass just to make noise.

Sarah: threw the rigatoni after being attacked by a kruton from same said Brady. Gave me her summer school pics so I could scan them and give them back to her. Later fed her a cherry (the regular method) after Cristin kept shrinking away since I traumatized her previously.

Alanna and b/f: more or less kept to themselves. Made Alanna embarassed so many times, and tried to get them to feed eachother the cherries. They only did so after almost all the cherries were gone and no one was looking. Well, almost no one.

Jaron: acted slight not-so annoying as usual. Had the same old drooling problems and really started spitting when he tried the lemon slice coated with salt.

Jaron's cousin: she was REALLY cool. Visiting from some place in New England. Scary thing about her is that she acts exactly like Lauren. Proof: new how to play the "nervous game" and was very... reciprocative when I gave her the cherry Lady-and-the-Tramp style. I like her.

Matt: "birthday boy." Really, his was almost a month ago but since he was out of town... well we decided to do something for it. So, along with cake and singing, we gave him presents. I had a spare case of Magnetic Poetry so I gave it to him. Things to note that did happen with him though: in the lobby Matt was playing the "nervous game" with Sarah, so I decided to avenger her by wrapping my arms around his neck and breathing into his ear for about two seconds. Second incident: I fed him a cherry. Contemplated doing it the "raunchy" way, but thought better of it.

Hmm... tired. Oh so very tired. Lovely night out, but I have school tomorrow. Finals no less. Damn.

Hmmm... magnetic poetry? I actually am in the mood to write. Poetry.

. . . . . posted:||11:15 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I'm excited for a change. Normally at about this time you can see me clonked out on the couch or in bed. Saw me a few minutes ago and I was singing and dancing like I was in a '40's musical movie. I'm thinking along the lines of Singing in the Rain or that one rendition of Cinderella (the one before the Rogers and Hammerstein production), or maybe Hi-Lili. And where did I gather this enthusiasm? Besides the two pitchers of strong iced tea I downed, I have a dinner party/gathering at Buca di Beppo later tonight.

Ever heard of Me First and the Gimme Gimmes? They're a punk band who do more or less all cover songs. But very well cover songs, and not just punk music. Actually, the majority of their cover songs are musical/showtunes. Which made it all the more fun when I sang along with most of em.

Okay, need to listen to more current music or I'll think I'm Fred Hister again. -_-;;

. . . . . posted:||3:25 PM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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